11 clichés from the lexicon of Pakistani politics

Ever since Zulfikar Ali Bhutto’s demise, Pakistan hasn’t seen the most accomplished of public speakers in the political realm.

Here are some of the most overused clichés, and their actual meanings, that have caused our ears to bleed over the years.

 

1. Strongly condemn (purzor muzammat) 

 



PHOTO: RANTS OF A PAKISTANI CITIZEN

 

Definition: I don’t care in the least about whatever just happened.

By far, this is the most overdone yet popular cliché in the lexicon of Pakistani politics. It is the compulsory guitar solo of every speech, statement and press conference. If you want to be taken seriously, you should strongly condemn whatever is going on around you.

Example: “I strongly condemn the choice of music being played at this dholki.”

 

2. Sindh card

 



PHOTO: RANTS OF A PAKISTANI CITIZEN

 

Definition: The 53rd card in the standard deck

The term by and large refers to the ‘PPP playing dirty’ by critics.

Example: “How do we pay at a restaurant in Thar? We use the Sindh card.”

 

3. Pandora’s box

 



PHOTO: MEMEABAD

 

Definition: A state of nature, much like its call, where political opponents speak the ‘truth’ about each other

Only the 700 BC generation will remember what Zeus said to Pandora before handing her the box. It is essentially a scenario where politicians drag skeletons out of each other’s closets, defying an unwritten, unsaid agreement of not doing so.

Example: My momma always said, “Life is like a Pandora box. You never know what you're gonna get.”

 

4. National interest (Mulki mafaad)

 



PHOTO: RANTS OF A PAKISTANI CITIZEN

 

Definition: The mark-up owed by the proletariat to the status-quo.

National interest is the lollipop offered by our politicians to distract us from the pain inflicted by the injection administered in our bottoms.

Example: “It is in the national interest of Pakistan to fight the wars of Saudi Arabia.”

 

5. Categorically

 



PHOTO: RANTS OF A PAKISTANI CITIZEN

 

Definition: The most articulate and impeccable way of saying simple things

This particular cliché was popularised by none other than the Pied Piper of Model Town. It is a pity the authority on Kant’s kategorischer imperativ has to use such terms to get the more pretentious lot to take him a tad bit seriously.

Example: MNA Arif Alvi categorically denied the authenticity of the leaked audio tape.

 

6. Sensitive institutions (hassaas idaray)

 



PHOTO: RANTS OF A PAKISTANI CITIZEN

 

Definition: Holy cows

Sensitive institutions are emotionally-insecure hierarchies that should not be criticised/questioned.

Example: “Sensitive institutions have feelings too, please don't hurt them."

 

7. Informed sources (bawusooq zaraye)

 



PHOTO: MEMEABAD

 

Definition: I am not making this up, I swear

Usually a getaway for lazy journalists with pay cheques leaner than their moral fibre. Also used when spinning aspirations into news items.

Example: Informed sources say terror activities in Pakistan are part of a Yahoodi conspiracy against our beloved country.

 

8. War footing (hungami bunyaad)

 



PHOTO: MEMEABAD

 

Definition: Acting all serious and worked up for a few days until all is forgotten

Whenever desperate times call for desperate measures (which is our 24/7), our leaders huddle together and get overzealous with their verbosity and claim everything will be sorted out on “war footing” (only to later say political statements are not verses from the Holy Quran or Hadith).

Example:  The motive behind the assassination of Liaquat Ali Khan will be determined on war footing.

 

9. Foreign hand (bairooni haath)

 



 

PHOTO: RANTS OF A PAKISTANI CITIZEN

 

Definition: Moin Khan’s purpose behind walking into a casino

Apart from being inspired by Adam Smith’s invisible hand and the ultimate sin of Moin Khan’s life, foreign hand is our premier theory of everything. There is nothing under the sun that a Pakistani cannot logically explain with the involvement of a foreign hand.

Example: Why did Rahat Ali drop the crucial catch of Shane Watson? There was a foreign hand at play.

 

10. Black sheep (kaali bhairain)

 

Meat of the matter pic.twitter.com/33cxeyBLPh

— Syed Talat Hussain (@TalatHussain12) October 6, 2014

 

Definition: Politicians whom the thug life chose

Black sheep is a politically-incorrect way of referring to fellow politicians who are too cool for school. The term is said to have been extracted from a popular nursery rhyme plausibly because it is the only real education that most have acquired.

Example: Just slaughtered a black sheep for Eid and here is my selfie.

 

11. Minus one formula 

 



PHOTO: MAHIR-E-MEMEYAAT

 

Definition: A mathematical reference that literally means nothing

Why in the world would someone pursue a career in politics or journalism had they been on good terms with math? The minus one formula is just another euphemism used by Karachi’s largest party to prove that even math is on their side.

Example: What is the only way the away goals rule can work in Arsenal’s favour in the UCL last 16 stage? Minus one formula.