Fifty shades of Pakistan

We’re also intense when it comes to love, generosity, fun. But world will only hear these stories when we share them

If a Hollywood blockbuster is commissioned on Pakistan, what would you name it? Intense love, unbelievable action sequences, loyalty, betrayal and plot twists on every corner, Pakistan has everything you need to produce an epic movie. As a starting point, any movie about Pakistan would have to explore a complicated love story. After all, Pakistan is the lover that your friends warn you about.

Being in a relationship with Pakistan is a lot like being a fan of the Pakistani cricket team. You know you’re going to get hurt repeatedly but you still express unconditional love to chase that elusive high. Pakistan’s love can be charmingly abusive; it takes everything out of you and still makes you beg for more. But fifty shades of green doesn’t completely capture the country in all its broken beauty. We aren’t just in love with our country; we’re also street-smart and jugaru. I wonder what a Wolf of I I Chundrigar Road movie would look like. Bankers teeing off for a round of golf at 6am, hosting weekend pool parties at farmhouses on the outskirts of Lahore and visiting their mistresses in non-descript luxury apartments near Sea View at lunch.

We could totally rock action movies too. I can see the Dharna Returns, part II. Or the Moon Wars, an epic sci-fi production on the confusion around moon-sighting at the start of Ramazan every year. Or Hunger Games, capturing the madness of the moment when dinner is served at a Memon shaadi. On a lighter note, if we want to watch Pakistan as a romantic comedy, I wouldn’t mind seeing Sleepless in Sialkot or When Harris met Saima (after an arranged marriage). We could even do a version of Mean Girls; Mean Talibs. Or the Devil wears Deepak. Perhaps, a Bollywood movie would do more justice to Pakistan. Bijli na milegi dobara would be a sweeping tale of three friends forced to take a spontaneous road trip to escape the punishing heat of Karachi during a power failure. Kabhi boom boom kabhi tuk tuk would be a good reflection of the emotional roller coaster ride that is the Pakistani cricket team. There are lots of people on Facebook and Twitter who would pay good money to watch Yeh Jawaani hai Tsunami. Jab tak hai Army would find a solid audience too.

Why hide behind dry sarcasm to make a point when you can make an argument straight up? Make a solid argument and folks get defensive or think of a counterargument if they have a differing worldview. Articulate a provocative insight, sprinkle a touch of comedic timing and you can try to create sarcasm which enables people to view a situation differently. Humour gives ideas an honest chance. Of course you can always fail at humour and fall flat on your face too. If the country gets a movie to its name, the provinces could get an item number song each. ‘I’m Sindhi and I know it’ would be a good start. I hope I haven’t offended any Sindhis because if there’s one thing we learned from the Sindh Cultural Festival, it’s that our Sindhi brothers don’t get offended easily. So get your ajrak on and enjoy the show. I’ll explain why I’m pushing the envelope at the end of this article. We can also do soaps on our domestic life: Kyun kai saas bhi kabhi doctor ban kai housewife bani thi. And who wouldn’t want to watch the “Desperate Housewives of Khyban-e-Shamsheer”.

The purpose of this article is to show with examples — and not a lecture — how much Pakistan is typecast when it comes to our portrayal in global pop culture. There’s been a lot of criticism of how Pakistan was portrayed in the American series “Homeland” recently. This is a window into our typecast character; surrounded by terror, fuelled by religious extremism and frustrated by grinding poverty. When actors are usually typecast into a particular role (girl next door, action movie superstar), they take on a challenging role that is completely counter to popular perceptions and reshape their public image. It’s time Pakistan does the same. True to public perceptions, we are an intense country. But we’re intense not just when it comes to violence and religiosity. We’re also intense when it comes to love, generosity and having fun. But the world will only hear these stories when we dare to share them.

Published in The Express Tribune, March 12^th, 2015.

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