Common in Pakistan, an arranged shaadi is coming together of individuals from different backgrounds to engineer a life. STOCK IMAGE
Match, set, go. It’s easier said than done.
Extremely common in Pakistan, an arranged shaadi is the coming together of two individuals from different backgrounds to engineer a life. While couples in love marriages have the benefit of spending a lot of one-on-one time together before the wedding, couples in arranged marriages usually don’t have that privilege.
As compiled by Daily Marriage Builder, Daily Mail and Times of India, here are tips on ways to comprehend your partner better.
Be optimistic
Superior things can germinate no matter how dreadfully wrong the situation appears. You may think and feel that it is the end of your happily ever after dream of falling in love, but in reality, that’s not the case. Keep your mind open and practice sanguinity. You must see the bright side of things instead of focusing on the negatives and drowning yourself in sorrow. As for the facts – according to research conducted by Harvard academic Dr Robert Epstein, couples in arranged marriages or those who have had their partner selected for them by a parent or matchmaker, tend to feel more in love as time grows, whereas those in love marriages feel less affection for each other over time.
Befriend your partner
Getting to know your partner, whether it's their food preferences or temperament, is essential and that can only be achieved when you spend time alone, instead of with your respective families. Without families scrutinising your every move, alone-time helps better your understanding and develop compatibility. As a married couple, you are entitled to a lifetime of harmony. Therefore, do not haste in making the marriage work. Just live one day at a time and savour the growth in your relationship. Take one step at a time and you might even be surprised to look back one day and find how amazing your journey as a couple was.
Attune your mind
It’s more than likely that a confused individual will also have a perplexed relationship. Sync your heart and mind into one so you can have clearer goals of what you want to accomplish in your arranged partnership. Do not be deceived into believing that you can be married to one person and love another. That is how unwise people think and it always ends up in bedlam. If you want to make your marriage work, make sure you enter it without any past baggage and preconceived notions.
Lay down your expectations
Any individual entering a romantic relationship has expectations. If you think you don’t, then you’re lying to yourself. While compromise and mutual adjustment is vital in any marriage, going in thinking that you’re not allowed to have any expectations from your arranged marriage is wrong, and frankly, unrealistic and impractical. Whatever expectations you have regarding your personal life going forward, or your professional life, in terms of career growth, let your partner know about them. Also, listen to their expectations too. These pragmatic expectations will ground you and let you move forward together in harmony.
Be an individual
Just because you’re in an arranged marital relationship with your other half, there is no need to let your individuality go. You are still the same person you were before you got married or engaged. There is no regulation that states that you need to spend all of your time pleasing your partner. Continue to go out with your friends and follow your passions and hobbies even after your marriage. If your spouse wants in on it, all the more fun, but if you feel you need the space and time away from the relationship to pursue your own interests, then let them know politely and you’ll be surprised he easily they’ll understand. That way, they’ll be comfortable pursuing their own interests without feeling uneasy.
Fall in love, eventually
Love is a vital element that’ll help both of you conquer hurdles. If love at first sight hasn't happened, don't worry. It may take time, but you will grow to love each other. Even if you're in love already, don't expect your partner to instantly reciprocate the feelings. Give him/her time and work on how you can earn his/her love. Be patient and don't get frustrated every time your partner says or does something off beam. According to a study titled How Love Emerges in Arranged Marriages by American psychologist Dr Robert Epstein, within 10 years, the connection felt by those in an arranged marriage setup is said to be almost twice as strong as compared to love marriages. Epstein discovered that the one key to a strong arranged marriage is the amount of parental involvement. This gives you another motivation to always be on good terms with the in-laws!
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