A land of polite people

We might not have enough opwer, water, gas, security, but I endorse what the visitor said of hospitality, politeness

At a bereavement last Wednesday, a friend of mine who had recently returned from a most enjoyable trip to Cuba gave me some dreadful news. According to the BBC, a survey had been conducted that declared Cuba the worst country in the world to live in. While I was digesting this information he added that Pakistan had been awarded the title of second-worst. I mentioned this to the chap who was sitting next to me. He said no matter how much we try we just can’t seem to come first in anything. The next day I conveyed this information to a globe-trotting American lady travel writer, whom I met at a diplomatic function. She said that all surveys were doctored, and any assessment that put Pakistan ahead of Nigeria, Somalia and Yemen should not be taken seriously. Besides, she couldn’t think of any country where she had encountered so much warm hospitality in homes that didn’t have the basic utilities. Nor could she remember any country where she had come across so much politeness.

I immediately assumed she hadn’t yet made the acquaintance of some of the female participants in talk shows on television where everyone decides to speak at the same time a couple of octaves higher than what nature had intended; or some of the MNAs in the National Assembly who, after much practice and deliberation, had developed a new graphic dimension in the art of verbal communication. Intrigued, I probed a little as to the reason for her enchantment. Apparently every time she rang a number from her hotel ,the voice at the other end politely asked her in ‘Engdu’, the national language of the country, what her good name was.



We might not have enough electricity, water, gas and security, but I fully endorse what the American visitor had to say about hospitality and politeness. Take for instance, the reply that a senior employee of a bank, who didn’t want to attend a wedding dished out, “My wife and I were so happy when we received your invitation. Hearty congratulations. If I can get leave from the office we’ll most certainly fly over. If I can’t I’m sure you’ll understand.” Now, what he really wanted to write was, ‘I am so relieved your elder daughter has finally received a proposal, even if the fellow is half her age and wears braces on his teeth. One can’t be too choosy these days… My younger daughter has just turned down a Kuwaiti millionaire, but my wife says 14 is no age for a girl to get married.’

And then there was this letter that the finance director of a company sent an applicant: “We are pleased to offer you the post of finance manger in the following grade and with the following perks… .” Now, what the letter writer really wanted to say was, ‘You know as well as we do that you are not only the most incompetent ass that ever entered our premises, but that you also received the lowest marks in the written test and interview. Unfortunately for the company, you have formidable connections and recommendations have come from at least two federal ministers. That is why we are offering you this post and a really deserving candidate who has all the necessary qualifications had to be dropped and is no longer marrying my younger sister. By the way, turtles are not Pakistan’s biggest export and Tiger Memon is not a hunter in the Sunderbans. Sign the duplicate copy of this offer, that is, course, if you know how to sign.”

Published in The Express Tribune, March 8^th, 2015.

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