The reality, however, is that the fault normally lies within ourselves, not in our stars. It’s just so much easier to place the blame elsewhere.
As a nation, we Pakistanis are particularly good at placing the blame elsewhere. Historically, we blame the British for everything that went wrong all the way until Partition. And since Partition, everything that has gone wrong is the fault of “foreign hands”!
I am no expert on politics. But wouldn’t it be nice if, just for once, instead of blaming RAW, Mossad, the CIA and the shifty looking doodhwala, we could simply accept that we have made mistakes? Even if the world is conspiring against us, the focus must be on what we are doing to combat those conspiracies. Why aren’t we looking at what WE are doing wrong?
We have the same problem when it comes to our personal lives. Everything wrong with us is our parents’ fault, never ours.
Let us assume that you are indeed messed up because of what your parents did. So what? They messed up because unfortunately, they were human too and because kids didn’t come with a “how to raise them” manual.
But, now that you are aware of this fact, what are you doing to fix it? And if you aren’t doing anything besides whining, then the real question is why not?
Like my therapist says, acceptance is the first step towards recovery with which 50 per cent of the problem is solved. But then without further action, there is really no point to acceptance.
Just before the Second World War, the British government printed and put up big red and white posters saying “Keep Calm and Carry On”. Since then, the poster has become a classic. You can now buy not only copies of the original, but also desi variations like “Keep Calm and Eat Aam” or “We’re Pakistani: we don’t keep calm!”
In any event, the reason that poster remains such a well-loved classic is because it expresses a basic truth. Panic doesn’t help. If life looks threatening, don’t complain.
When I was getting married, my husband-to-be and I had planned a musical evening where a well-known singer was going to perform. Two days before the actual event, it turned out that there had been some miscommunication and the singer was unavailable. I went into shock!
God bless my sensible husband. He reminded me that people were coming to celebrate our marriage, not for the entertainment. I can’t speak for the guests, but at least as far as my husband and I were concerned, the evening was a fabulous success.
The point here is that perception plays a vital role in life. It is our choice whether we want to see the glass as half-empty or half-full.
Whether at a personal level or at a national level, we need to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own happiness, our successes and most importantly, for our failures. We all make mistakes, but blaming others only allows us to accept whatever is wrong with our lives by assuming that it is out of our control. Taking responsibility is difficult because it forces us to confront our limitations. But taking responsibility is the only way to make our lives better. As Barack Obama once said, “We are the change we have been waiting for.”
Published in The Express Tribune, March 31st, 2014.
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COMMENTS (10)
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being nation nobody is going to take responsibility since there is a phrase "MATTI PAAO".
i always read your articles, i am agree with your opinion we always blame others do not take responsibility, we know that by taking responsibility, will have to sacrifice of our comforts which we donot bother.
And why did I waste my time reading this article...? Ok ok, I am responsible for my actions. But THIS ARTICLE WAS NOT WORTH MY TIME!
That story brought tears to my eyes! the fact that its a personal story and not a blog and yet gets published as a story.. bravo for that journalistic suicide ET.. you make me think high of your standards!
@juggs - trying to be positive here in all negativity.. but your writing fidgets between personal grandeur! A singer skipped at your wedding is not going to make the World a less better place for that 99% that don't matter!
Wow !........you do write well and make sense at the same time. On Pakistan's problems they stem from our leaders, who theoretically come from amongst the people, but in practice its anything but that.....our leaders don't even live in Pakistan...... so in this case the theory is iffy.
@muhammad ahmed
I posted something similar, was not posted.
Something tells me such a rational advice would fall on deaf ears with the wider public in Pakistan. How can people take responsibility when men (and women) are never learned to do so. Yesterday a western female journalist wrote in the Lahore Times, which happens to be true in my opinion:
"Young men who in the west are considered to be grown up, act like teenagers here with the mentality to match. It is hard to believe that any one society could produce so many mentally crippled men. They are so afraid of their parents that the truth becomes a lie in the name of respect."
It is not going to be easy to break this mindset of parroting perceived authorative figures. If you oppose those conspiracy theories, you're branded as a Western stooge. If you disagree on something with your parents, you are regarded as ungrateful and liable to emotional blackmail. If you espouse moderate religious views with supporting arguments, the threat of religious ex-communication (or worse) lies ahead. Having a liberal stance on political issues, such as the state having a monopoly on violence, can get invite bullets (see yesterday's attempt to kill a journalist). Let's face it. Conformity is the rule in Pakistan. Everything is geared to that behavioural norm that tend to shun responsibility. In the household, in schools, in mosques, in the media, workplace and so on. Change in this mindset will not come overnight, despite the author's sincere and good intentions. A lot is more needed.
Parents might actually BE at fault. Here's a good read to that effect.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-parenting-behaviors-that-keep-children-from-growing-into-leaders/
Many well fed people think how Americans talk openly about their personal issues in public is the way we should also express ourselves. One of the great things about our culture is that private is to remain private. Frankly I don't care to know if the author is seing a therapist. I shudder to thnk that this way of expressing is becoming fashionable in the parvenue culture of Lahore. It's a very Mary Antoinette piece!
"Have you ever noticed that every time something in life doesn’t quite go our way, we tend to make excuses? It’s either because of some childhood trauma, or someone else’s jealousy or just generally because the whole world is conspiring against us."
They do that all over the world, not just Pakistan.
People just need to learn to stay in their own lane. Certain paks have a tendency not to do that, too worried about other peoples business, added with way too much talk and not enough action, settling for mediocrity. Jealousy is pervasive and widespread amongst whole swathes of PK. Its a real illness. Lets not deny it. Do the opposite, bring yourself to a higher standard and you'll see real development.