What exactly is Pakistan’s ‘cultural heritage’?

Although the peaceful times we live in must leave the Punjab government with plenty of free time on its hands, their recent action of banning a Hindu cartoon shows well their sense of priorities. Of all the inane things to do, a government-sanctioned committee spent six weeks deciding whether or not to ban the one Hindu cartoon that airs on a TV channel — this amidst the plethora of absolute nonsense which we bear on our television screens.

I was a bit confused when I first heard that one programme on TV could supposedly corrupt our children's Muslim morals, go against our Pakistani culture and encourage citizens to fraternise with the enemy. Apparently, the Punjab government mandarins think that watching an animated Ganesh or Hanuman for 30 minutes a week can brainwash our impressionable youth into believing they should renounce Islam, cross the border, double-cross the ISI, sell their souls, etcetera. After all, we have already observed how Dora the Explorer has duped our kids into believing that they are Hispanic and Sesame Street into forcing us all to think we are hairy muppets and should refer to ourselves in the third person. The fact that their faith in Islam or definition of ‘Pakistani culture’ is quite so delicate that it requires censorship to maintain, is of course irrelevant. To each his own, but at the rate our MPAs are going, I'm afraid they might need more saving than children who watch animated shows about mythology.

As for the issue of what exactly is Pakistan’s ‘cultural heritage’, it is worth pointing out that those who get into such a debate should at the very least get their facts right. The fact is that we didn't actually inherit our culture from an alien land. Partition did not unfortunately erase about a millenia of heritage that we got from being — don't shoot me — Indian. Surely our governments — provincial as well as federal — know that some people across the border (the Hindu kind) actually speak the same language as us, not to mention that they have several other equally unfortunate similarities.

Denying that India plays a part in our pure Pakistani culture would require that we stop eating biryani. Immediately. From now on, we might want to consider a ban on all food that doesn't originate from the holy land, because after all, we are not Indian. If anything has to be banned at all on television, I suggest that the censoring authorities start with banning a man who has incited others on his show to kill Ahmadis. Also, how about acting against shows where reporters barge into tents of flood survivors — many of them women observing purdah — and terrifying them into sharing their stories; because misery sells. Maybe when they’re done with all that, they can spare a glance for a Hindu cartoon.

Published in The Express Tribune, October 24^th, 2010.