Fasi Zaka April 14, 2010

KARACHI: A student member of Brasstricks is writing to his friends on the net about the failed Pakistan Resolution on March 23 by Syed Samad Bond in Lahore at Al Hamra.

Dear friends in fashionable revolution,

Our army of mummy daddies made a massive show of strength today at al Hamra with the new Pakistan Resolution that shall Inshallah make Syed Samad Bond founder of Brasstricks-i-Hind quarters. All 37 of us there shall be remembered forever. We proudly announced we are the new-cons against the neo-cons.

Tragically, 99,951 of our members could not make it. The ‘Maria B complex’ was also seen in China promoting Islamic sleeveless at the time, a very important front in our geo-political-regional nexus against Jewish and Indian designs. God willing, our naked ambitions for total dominance will be achieved. Ali Dazmat could also not attend because he was fighting a jihad on Facebook, risking his life in a crucial game of Mafia Wars against the global Zionist media.

It is said he will go on one to one against neo-con Paul Phoenix in a game of Tekken on Xbox as Momin Marshall Law next. Our fearless leader made the correct decision to abandon the event because he greatly feared the ulema who had gathered outside against him. They claim he follows a false prophet, but we know that is not true, he only follows personal profit.

We were prepared for any contingency; most of us were wearing Ray Bans and LUMS t-shirts. The smellies from government universities were kept in the background, they make photos look bad. We all gathered on stage like FBI bodyguards with bandanas because we knew someone may try to assassinate our glorious leader, even though there was no audience and all the seats empty, but you know RAW and Mossad are invisible forces.

Luckily there was electricity at the venue and no loadshedding, so it is now confirmed that Wapda is not a Zionist organization. But the samosawalla is a paleed Jewish agent because he only had the aloo variety and no pyaz ka pakora. Inshallah, our new TV programme will begin, we are about to finalise as soon as auditions for a hot chick to ask questions from Syed Samad Bond are finished.

As you know, Syed Samad has knowledge of everything and will explain how he guided Sir Syed Ahmed Khan in Islam, gave speeches that started the revolt of 1857 and how he single-handedly brought down Israeli planes attacking Pakistan with a nine mm pistol. Thanks to Allah we were not born Yahoo-dis. We became what we are due to a fearless leader. Please do not try to contact him this month, he is in hiding, you know how angry mullahs are. We hate these fassadi mullahs for trying to expose our facades.

Your friend,

Jimmy ‘I do the shimmy’ Akhtar