Misbahul Haq: The man with the Midas touch

Pakistan took baby steps towards democracy this year. Hope was revived as new leaders were sworn in and old faces bowed out. A 16-year-old held the world captive with the power of her words. Art found its lost voice.

Yet, the country remained racked by terrorism. Inflation and rolling blackouts continued to punctuate conversations. Too often, a child took a bullet not meant for him. Living became a privilege as most made peace with surviving. But what if the year had taken a different course? What would the country look like? How would we feel? We take you through a slightly different version of 2013. Loaded with imagination, humour, hope and a big fat what if…

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this report, even those based on real people and events are fictional. Any opinion expressed here is not meant to hurt any feelings and should be taken in good spirit.

The year 2013 was the one when Tuk-Tuk transformed into Thak-Thak, as the 40-year-old Misbahul Haq finally overcame his demons and emerged as the ‘Lion of Pakistan’. The aggressive attitude and flamboyance of the man from Faisalabad was the sight of the year.

Let’s recall the first test match of the year and what a test it was! South Africa’s Dale Steyn sliced through the Pakistan batting line- up and sent them packing to their lowest ever score of 49 runs at the Bull ring in Johannesburg. However, during the second innings, the raging bull was brought to his knees, after a truly heroic performance by Misbah. His 273 run innings was a purists’ delight. Pakistan saved the test match and then also went on to win the second one at Newlands, after Saeed Ajmal snared 15 wickets.

The last test was rained-off and Misbah and the now desi coach Dav Whatmore (who gave up his Australian passport this year after spending three months dining at the Lahore food street) proceeded home where they were garlanded by adoring fans across the country.

After conquering South Africa, Misbah braced for a Herculean rescue act in neighbouring Zimbabwe. Humiliation in Harare seemed inevitable until Misbah marched in as the last man and sealed a memorable victory. The chants for Misbah even drowned out Afridi’s thudding ‘boom boom’ this year. As an ode to the outstanding performance, Najam Sethi announced that Misbah would remain captain till the 2035 World Cup. “After all, life begins at 40. And I will ensure that no one steals the limelight from Misbah at the peak of his prowess,” he tweeted.

Meanwhile Pakistan’s hockey messiah, Akhtar Rasool, announced that he was now going to ‘elect’ himself as the president of the Pakistan Hockey Foundation. He also unveiled a master plan to win the 2030 Hockey World Cup. The astute hockey player/ coach/MNA revealed that the only way to win the 2030 World Cup was by ensuring that the team did not feature in any international or Olympic event for the next 16 years. “If the Europeans, Australians and Koreans are clueless about our strategies and the way we play, it allows us to catch them off-guard and doubles our chances of winning,” Rasool explained before bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. 

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, December 29th, 2013.