The writer is an actor, an anchor and a model. She is currently the host of ‘Morning with Juggun’ on PTV Home and can be reached via twitter @JuggunKazim
Work is work. Yes, men work hard. But the truth is most women work just as hard, if not harder. Any man who thinks running a house is a joke has never actually run one.
Let’s leave aside the question of whether housework is really ‘work’: even when women work outside the house, people find a way to belittle their achievements. The standard argument is that women work ‘just for themselves’, while men do the heavy lifting. Again, not true. To begin with, economic pressures are such these days that many families need two incomes to survive. Furthermore, the reason why women don’t get to the corner office is because they are too busy juggling other responsibilities.
In my case, the reason I was able to work and raise Hamza as a single parent was the support of my family and friends. Initially, it wasn’t so hard because I would just take him with me wherever I went. Then, when he started going to school, I had to start leaving him at home because he needed a steady routine. My Amina Chachi stepped in as did my mother, my siblings and my friend Zehra. They all took turns watching him because I was petrified of leaving him alone.
It was excruciating for me to leave my little boy for hours on end and then there were the questions: why are you going, Mama? Don’t you love me? Why can’t I go? Here again, I would have been lost without my family and friends. There were days I was working 16- to 18-hour work shifts and literally came home only to shower and sleep. I may have been exhausted and brain-dead but I knew my little guy wasn’t neglected.
Today, I have a secure eight-year-old son, who watches my work, comments on it, and most importantly, is proud of me. I guess all that hard work to give him a secure future and a positive approach paid off!
I have truly been blessed though. I remarried recently and am still working like I used to, if not more, because I have an extremely supportive and positive husband who supports my desire to succeed and achieve more.
At the same time, let’s be clear about one thing: nobody works properly without a support system. The only difference between men and women is that support systems for men are taken for granted. Practically, every man expects his wife to take care of his house and his kid. Few men support their wife if she wants to work and even fewer help out by sharing the burden of what are traditionally called ‘women’s duties’. If you ask me, that just isn’t right.
Change always starts at the grass roots level. Parents need to raise their daughters with the same ambitions as their sons. And they need to teach their sons to help share their wife’s workload if she chooses to work.
Published in The Express Tribune, December 23rd, 2013.
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@Mohni: To be honest I do feel you are right. My point was that the author, who I respect and admire, should have somehow made her views more easiler for people ( guys ) to not only undestand but also to appreciate.
Here's a life-hack: Read comments first.
"Change always starts at the grass roots level. Parents need to raise their daughters with the same ambitions as their sons. And they need to teach their sons to help share their wife’s workload if she chooses to work."
I am assuming by making the above statement you agree, that by teaching sons to help with housework, girls who aspire to careers and work outside the home should also be taught to contribute financially to household expenditures once they get married. If so, then yes, that's good, and also fair. If both husband and wife work outside the home, both should bear the expenses and both should help each other with housework/childcare.
Where this equation falls apart is when girls who aspire to careers and work outside the home feel like they "owe" nothing financially -- everything they earn is disposable income for their own personal use (shoes, handbags, etc) -- and that the husband is not only solely responsible for all the expenses but should also on top of that help out equally with housework/childcare. This is an extremely selfish position to adopt that is on the one hand opportunistically grounded in religiosity (husband needs to take care of the wife, home, and children) yet on the other with a very liberal and progressive ideology in which men need to respect and nurture their wives' professional and career aspirations, even if it comes at the cost (not least in terms of lost time) of the wife being unable to meet some of the basic needs of the husband, children, home, and family.
So, yes, change certainly almost always starts at the grass roots level -- boys should be taught that there is no shame in helping around the house, especially if the wife works outside the home, but girls too should be taught that if they would like such a husband while they focus on their careers, there should be no shame in contributing financially to the well being of the family.
Keep Calm and Work!
@smartboy: Most of the time she remind us her autobiography.
This article remind me of my days back when i was in second year. The female class teacher supposed to teach us English but the whole lecture had been about her personal life (how her husband treat her, how his in laws behavior were, etc etc.) We got very little from here. Same for this article, as i read the title i thought, it would be very informative and will depict the vital role a female partner is doing in usual household chores but turned to be personal and readers didn't get any thing useful.
@Mohni - "Probably, for men our perspective is all muddled up as they are not at the receiving end. "
Ok Maam... I suppose this article is aimed towards men, to make them 'understand' the contribution and trials of working women. Given this it would be worthwhile to go an extra step and clearing our confusion (if it exists), rather than a smug retort.
just a biography.
@Parvez: I am a working women with two children. I have a very demanding career. I fully understood the writer's argument. Probably, for men our perspective is all muddled up as they are not at the receiving end.
Ok, got muddled up reading that. Liked the bit when you switched gears and wrote about yourself and your son and your personal experience. In the end I was like, I have a vague idea of what she's trying to say but I wish she had come out clearly and said it.