Just a routine matter

Whenever new face takes over at the top in Pakistan, life history of incumbent is invariably etched in glowing terms.

Some changes and replacements at the top of the pecking order in Islamabad have been made which, accompanied by the usual frisson of excitement, were heralded with the accustomed pomp and ceremony by the local media. After the announcements in the press and on the television, families worked overtime to discover possible links or relationships with the new faces on the balcony. A newspaper wag told me of a household in his locality, where the estranged daughter-in-law who had been instructed to sleep in the verandah, was suddenly carted off to the master bedroom. Apparently, a cousin of the uncle of her married sister’s husband had been giving riding lessons to the son of the general’s sister. The impression one usually gets on such occasions is that we are all in for a radical change.

In the United States (US), a journalist might get away with the odd indiscretion or endearing fable when writing about one of the new faces in the politburo. That is, until the bloke takes office and people realise that nothing has really changed and it is just a routine matter. Whenever this sort of thing takes place in Pakistan, the life history of the incumbent is invariably etched in glowing terms. In the process, the nation learns that these worthy gentlemen, the generals, the judges and the politicians have sterling qualities. Of course, one mustn’t forget some of the pragmatic ecclesiastical blokes with the 13^th century outlook who, having drunk deep at the well of opportunism, change from hooded menace to veiled affection with the merest flicker of an eyelid. Sometimes, it just costs a diesel truck and Rs20 million. One of these worthies wants the prime minister to negotiate with the chaps who have wiped out full communities and shoot unarmed 12-year-old girls for target practice. They also have some unique definitions of what constitutes a martyr.

Tributes have started to pour in for the outgoing army chief. One newspaper correspondent wrote a piece which carried the headline “Kayani — his words mattered as much as his actions”. I tried to figure out just what the writer meant by that statement. After an aspirin and Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony, I was still in the dark. I know that Kayani, when he was asked why the military didn’t do anything when the militants decimated parts of the population, said: “The army is the last resort.” That really cheered me up immensely. It reminded me of that immortal quip of Otto von Bismarck who, when he was told that the English Army was advancing eastwards towards Prussia, said, “Let me know when they cross the Rhine and I’ll inform the Berlin police.” It took me another aspirin and half an hour of Rachmaninoff’s Preludes to figure out what the writer meant by Kayani’s actions. Was I missing something? Perhaps, he meant internal protection is the job of the police and the Rangers. The nation has now been blessed with a surfeit of Sharifs and the much feared chief justice will soon be stepping down and handing over his files to his successor. There was a news item that suggested that his detractors were sharpening their fangs and were waiting for the time when he would be unable to wield his big stick. Nothing has really changed … except the conductor.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 3^rd, 2013.

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