Should I, at the sake of my pride & self-respect, pursue an elusive dialogue with him or should I take firm stand
DUBAI: I try hard to make sure that there are no — or few — deficiencies in how I conduct my neighbourly relationships. However, my resolve has been recently tested and I am seeking a public forum to ascertain what my future course of action should be. Before I commence, it is important that I try and present an objective background to my current predicament so that readers are in a better position to judge and prescribe remedies without any bias.
My neighbour and I are first cousins. We moved into this joint family set-up many decades ago. Over the years, external pressures (economic, social, familial etc.) systematically and gradually eroded the fuzziness and warmth with which we had all moved together and the result was the erection of a boundary wall splitting our family compound into two distinct territories. At the time of our ‘partition’, it seemed like a good idea, and remains to this day, a good one, given our various differences including, but not limited, to our way of life.
Over the years, our respective economic conditions were also transformed and my neighbour flourished whereas we continued to eke out a basic level of existence. This disparity continued to separate us further. Of late (as a direct result of my neighbour’s economic might), the seeds of discord have grown into full-blown fruits of antagonism.
Our growing economic disparity has tilted the balance of power in my neighbour’s favour and this has resulted in a heightened sense of acrimony. The first overt blow transpired soon after we had decided to split the property into two. A common garden area at the back of our joint house (which actually fell into our part of the property) was taken over by my cousin. Little did we know at that time that this unresolved issue will grow and slowly form the basic bone of contention between us.
Over the years, my neighbour would hurl projectiles into my yard and I would respond to the best of my ability, struggling all the time to maintain parity with my more economically well-off cousin. My neighbour’s increasing awareness of my limitations emboldened him further and with each passing day, the violations increased in frequency. Sometimes, he would divert water that was meant for my house and at other times, he would destroy my carefully-planted vegetable gardens.
Even local police officials had been ‘enticed’ into supporting my neighbour’s unlawful actions and this put me into an ever-tighter corner.
I should point out that during these turbulent times, my family also engaged in some tit-for-tat responses. There was a covert attempt to take back the common playground behind our homes. As of now, we have reached an understanding that we should not engage in such tit-for-tat responses since this destroys the calm in our neighbourhood and further worsens the limitations imposed by our own economic weaknesses.
Erring on the side of caution and limited by my own economic woes, I have tried again and again to approach my neighbour to resolve matters through comprehensive dialogue once and for all. Each time, he responds with a desire to proceed with such a dialogue but either sabotages the environment so that such a dialogue is not possible, or alternatively, sets unrealistic conditions for any further talks. It seems that he does not have genuine intentions for talks and wishes to use the current environment (stacked heavily in his favour) to remove me from this neighbourhood once and for all.
This brings me to my immediate predicament: should I continue to, at the sake of my pride and self-respect, pursue an elusive dialogue with him or should I take a firm stand and, at least, let him know that I mean business and will respond if the pain crosses a benchmark threshold?
Or should I meekly sit back, surrender and let him have his way at the cost of my own family?
Anwer J Belgaumi
Published in The Express Tribune, December 1st, 2013.
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