1) Be organised but not too much: You can’t force people to talk to you — they will either help or they won’t. Their availability and willingness will quickly become apparent. You know the joke about Pakistani timing? It’s not a joke. Being late is not so much an unfortunate incident as a national pastime. When everyone is late, nobody is on time, yet the only person getting angry about it is you. So, arriving way after you’d agreed to meet someone has a weird logic to it, while trying to impose punctuality on Pakistanis is a form of colonialism. That said, when Pakistanis are early, it’s a sign of qayamat.
2) There is never a slow news day: I made the mistake of choosing to focus on journalists working in one of the busiest, craziest and most intense news patches in the world. The nature, scale and volume of stories that occupy the nation’s newsrooms and television studies on a daily basis would make the hair of Western hacks turn white. Suicide bombings, bijli, targeted killings, sectarian violence, gang warfare, arrests of former leaders, strikes, drones and bans. It is a tsunami of news and one that leaves journalists and editors with not much time on their hands.
3) Coffee is for wimps: The people who are happy and willing to help you because they want to will do so, regardless of where you go and whether you can reward them with anything more than a hot beverage and cheesecake. This may suggest they lack gravitas and insights, but don’t be fooled. However, there are those for whom nothing less than a slap-up meal will do and they’ll be offended if you suggest a supermarket or a mall as your preferred venue. Oiling the wheels with eight kinds of naan and a billion handis may expedite things, but this method could be construed as bribery. How dare that US intelligence officer suggest that Pakistanis can be easily bought with a dinner? Doesn’t he know it takes at least three?
4) Get a car or use someone else’s: You come from a land of walking and public transport. You think having a driver unnecessary and self-indulgent. You are wrong. Pakistan is not pedestrian friendly. I speak from experience when I say that people will stare as you dodge potholes and fruit carts while making your point about how independent you are. Nobody cares. They want to know why you’re not in a car. A six-minute stroll can feel like a six-hour Bikram Yoga class. Crossing the road, especially in Karachi, is a game of chicken that you will always lose unless you a) take 30 minutes to do it or b) ask an armed guard to help you. Of course, I have not done either of these things.
5) Embrace difference: Being of Pakistani heritage is not the same as being Pakistani. Trying to sound Pakistani will make you sound Welsh — or worse still, Indian — and you will have even more problems trying to be understood. So, use your accent to full effect. The same applies to hair and wardrobe. Do not try to compete because the fashion cycle moves as quickly as the news cycle. Pakistani women possess a superhuman ability to repel sweat and frizzy hair. You are not that person. Also, if someone asks if you’re Canadian, say yes because Pakistanis love Canadians.
6) It’s not you, it’s them: You will be stood up. People who agreed to a time and a place and a date simply won’t turn up and you won’t hear from them again. You will be on your way to meet someone and, as insurance, call them to make sure they are on the way too. They aren’t. You’ll wonder why they didn’t let you know that they had become unavailable. Stop wondering. It is just something that happens and it will happen at least once. Do not laugh when someone suggests you make another trip to Pakistan to try and catch them at a better moment.
7) Everyone is someone: Everyone is someone in Pakistan — even more so when they are right in front of you wanting to know why you haven’t spoken to them or anyone in their network. Revealing just one of your references can lead to colourful outbursts. This would never happen back home, you tell yourself. But you are not at home. Also, remember that saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince? Researching in Pakistan is exactly like that but without the kisses, the frogs and indeed without the princes. Agreeing to meet everyone can throw up surprising results.
8) Have a plan B — have fun: If you’re not the sort of person who can go with the flow, at least have other things to fill your time with while you’re waiting for people to return your call/email/SMS or you’re just waiting for them to turn up. Do not sit in Avari, seething with anger. Pakistan is never dull but if your trip is, you’re doing something wrong. Make friends and say yes to everything. Go to parties, launches and meet-ups. Track down the nearest movie theatre, spa, swimming pool, park, historical or cultural places of interest. Pack a camera and take some books that have nothing to do with the topic of your research — and always ask for the Wi-Fi password. The only thing worse than not getting your research done in Pakistan is not doing anything else while you’re there.
Published in The Express Tribune, July 31st, 2013.
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COMMENTS (26)
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@iftekhar hussain: Iftekhar Sahib, be honest, you know its all TRUE. in my case, Rascals asked me to show them picture of Jinnah and I did not know what they meant. So one of them bluntly said MONEY, currency notes with Jinnah picture. I pointed out to picture of Jinnah on wall. I did not show them Jinnah picture from my purse.
'research' is one word with which anyone can fool the Pakistani elite - Awww, you are doing research? lol - a research is linked directly to its output - and the reliance on research should only increase with many researchers validating the finding - otherwise it's just one person's opinion garbed around the veil of research ready to be fed to our 'educated illiterates' who drool over everything that has the word 'research' in it.
Good writing. I think an extensive research on the issues highlighted in the above article must be carried out in Pakistn. That should focus the lethargic nature of the people here in my country.
Actually in Pakistan, people prefer talking over taking pains. The culture of research in Pakistan has become a formality rather than a passion or an interest. We prefer to be opinionators rather than empiricists.
@iftekhar hussain: Thanks for a negative comment. Please do research in Pakistan and then write about your experience.
You tried saying something but it came out all wrong............almost a rant.
Am I the only one who thinks that Pakistanis are not as unpunctual as the jokes make them? Seriously, I have worked in private sector in Pakistan and other countries also. With a few exceptions, I can't think of anyone with such a blatant disregard for time and commitments. But I am just talking about educated and efficient private sector.
Government offices on the other hand maybe a different story!
hahaha... nice article and quite informative. :)
voila culture shock. first time here.
Research is something that does not agree at all with our mindset and elicits non-chalant disdain or derision at best. The people will respond heartltily to only the things boosting their ego or self-righteousness ad-infinitum.
Because there is rule of law abroad and rule of elites in Pakistan. Not to blame Pakistani people; the state is not present here @Ayeshia Askanhi:
By searching on research..
@babar: Good analysis.
I don't like to see my face in the mirror. This is our insult by a foreign agent who is bashing our "traditions". I have to end it here because my friend is coming to see my in five minutes or perhaps in a few hours late in the night?
@hafiz why don't you do your own research on drones etc? The article describes the mindset of Pakistanis in general too many holidays and less productivity as a result the economy is sputtering, the fabric of the society is mired in corruption a sense of fake superiority a desire to feel important but not be. it's amazing when these same Pakistanis move abroad they shed these disgusting traits to become decent law biding citizens in their new country, Can any one explain why this mass transformation abroad and NOT in Pakistan?
Being a researcher you should be careful to not to "generalize" the things based on small sample. You might have visited very few places in Pakistan (or may be just one city) and within that you might have met selected respondents. So pl. do not generalize it for whole Pakistan. You are frequently using the terms "everyone", "Pakistani people" etc., I wonder how do meet or observe "everything and everyone" in Pakistan during short stay. There should be difference in the opinion of a researchers and a lay-person.
lol. grt article.
Need to research on pakistan's drone attack, bombing, suicide bomber, Taliban's success history
"Being of Pakistani heritage is not the same as being Pakistani" explains the whole article.Even someone who has lived their entire life in Pakistan will hesitate to pontificate about the country but surprising how many outsiders keep doing that and acting surprised when the facts don't match their story. BTW good luck on your dissertation and further travels.
Add one more point: Never go to a third class university or area in Pakistan for research. Miss Riazat, I recommend you when you visit next time, try to meet learned people around even if you are researching on poor community. Accompany learned people with you to those areas and you will see the difference. You may find such responses which you mentioned anywhere in the world and Pakistan is no exception.
thanks for ur visit. in summer Dogs often became made. in my village the villagers comes together for killing of this deseas effected dog and takes the guns,sticks etc , I think the world will do the same with us.
thanks
This was a very interesting article and I feel like this is going to be very helpful to me in the future as I move back to Pakistan. I love your sense of humor and I hope you research goes well.
The Americans and British have done great research work even the most God forsaken places in the world. For you it is so hard to do some research work here. This means only one thing, you do not know how to do research work. Being in some Phoren country does not mean you are some person with brains. Thanks for maligning Pakistanis for 'handis, nans and so on.
About your point, it not being a comfortable place for female pedestrians. People need to get out there..increase female visibilty..it's this absence of social participation found in countries like Saudi Arabia and Pakistan.
Riazet Butt did a good job at Guardian. It is sad that she does not work there anymore. I understand her views were not liberal enough fur a very leftist newspaper. What she says about Pakistan and angrei Pakistanis is very true. She should write more often for Tribune
It reminds me of my dissertation research. Research in Pakistan is viewed as either inane- an empty exercise- or dangerous, especially if it relates to security or defence studies. Few are willing to speak candidly on sensitive issues. Best of luck for your project.