7 Bridal oddities you are sure to meet in Pakistan!

Published: May 22, 2013
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The typical Pakistani shaadi is no longer an intimate affair between two people about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. In fact, it has all the elements of a roaring circus!

In the midst of it is the beautiful bride, a.k.a the ringmaster, simultaneously juggling tight budgets, short deadlines, entertaining wedding guests and the roaring lions, i.e. the interfering in-laws. By the time the actual wedding day arrives, the stress and anxiety have turned the bride into an oddity, more ballistic than blooming. Come experience these different types of bridal oddities and pray you don’t become one of them on your own big day!

 

Oddity 1:

James Bond Bride

This secret-agent bride has an uncanny ability to conceal all information about her wedding and dodge all inquiries. Torture her if you must but she will not fess up. Confront her during her nikah signing or barge into her room on her wedding night and she will STILL deny it!

Reasons: The bride doesn’t want too many people invited to her functions. Or she was engaged before and it didn’t work out so she doesn’t want to jinx it this time around. Or maybe, she is just an introvert trying to avoid the extra attention… We can never be too sure. And of course, Miss James Bond won’t tell us herself either!

 

Oddity 2:

Besharam Bride

While other brides will look down modestly and steal shy glances at their men, this one will be grabbing her groom (read fiancé — the nikah has probably not happened yet!) and suggesting they celebrate their wedding night before all the hullabaloo of the dholkis and dinners starts!

Reasons: She has waited too long for the man of her dreams.

 

Oddity 3:

Sharmeeli Bride

This poor bride appears to be stuck in the 1920s. Once the date for her wedding is finalised, she is blushing perpetually! Ask her the name of her groom and she will place a finger on her cheek or bite her lip. That is, if she does not run away to her room first!

Reasons: Either her mother told her this is how all brides should behave. Or she watched way too many Shabnum films growing up. Let’s just hope she gives up the act once the wedding is over.

 

Oddity 4:

Nothing-will-get-me-down Bride

She can smile sweetly at the designer who makes her ‘shaadi ka jora’ a glorified version of Lady Gaga’s meat dress. Nothing can break her, not even her nand’s incessant complaining about the 50-hour long plane journey she had to make, all the way from America.  She is, basically, Super Bride!

Reason: Perhaps she suffered something terrible in her childhood which left her completely numb? Or, a much-more intriguing possibility, she just couldn’t care less about the wedding.

 

Oddity 5:

Everything-gets-me-down Bride

Granted that tears are inevitable in every ‘shaadi ka ghar,’ this bride takes it to a whole new level! She cries, whines and screams before, during and after the wedding. She will throw a fit if you forget to RSVP, thrash the groom if he arrives a minute after ‘9pm sharp’ and contemplate suicide if the flowers are not the right shade of purple.

Reasons: This melodrama can only be explained by an obsessive need for perfection and focusing all her frustrations on the decor to temporarily forget about what is to come after the wedding.

 

Oddity 6:

No-cost-spared Bride

She has a talent for emptying peoples’ pockets. She will make ridiculous requests that nobody can, or will want to, entertain, such as arriving at the venue on a unicorn, asking her in-laws to bring in a gold-spun dress from Paris and requesting her buddies to colour-coordinate their outfits, etc.

Reasons: YOMO! You Only Marry Once and might as well milk the cow. Not to mention, this is the only way of getting even for all the spending she had to do on others’ weddings.

 

Oddity 7:

The religious fanatic bride

No one is allowed to smile at this event — unless it is done without your teeth showing and eyes sparkling. Music is out of the question, unless the bride is in party mode and you can only play the duff very ligtly. The nikah is being held at a masjid! Also, there is no qorma or gajjar ka halwa in the saada menu.

Reasons: Bride ko nazar lag jaaye gi and of course, we wouldn’t want that! Also, it is not her fault all the good stuff in life is haraam.

 

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, May 19th, 2013.

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Reader Comments (24)

  • HH
    May 22, 2013 - 2:35PM

    hahahahahah!

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  • SiD
    May 22, 2013 - 2:39PM

    I wonder how did you make up all these oddities!!!!!!

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  • Ainy
    May 22, 2013 - 3:01PM

    Good one!!!

    Sharmeeli Bride are fading away from our society.

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  • Strange
    May 22, 2013 - 3:03PM

    In the end parents have to bear all the expenses. Although hilarious but this should also bring some sense in us. Wasting money is not allowed in our religion.

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  • Expat
    May 22, 2013 - 3:10PM

    bbbboooorrriiiingggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • I am a Khan
    May 22, 2013 - 3:19PM

    Yawn…Young women in our society are obsessed with marriage and their would be groom…keep your wedding simple…keep your thoughts simple….but simplicity is non existent in our society….

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  • raza
    May 22, 2013 - 3:31PM

    Brilliant observation and way of putting it.

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  • Sheikh Ali Tariq
    May 22, 2013 - 3:47PM

    Is this a joke? or am I day dreaming? Please ET don’t u guys have a filter or something???

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  • Anon
    May 22, 2013 - 3:57PM

    I’m glad the Express Tribune is giving hard-working O’level students the chance to showcase their work!

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  • iqra
    May 22, 2013 - 3:58PM

    this was lame . seriously.

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  • Stranger
    May 22, 2013 - 4:07PM

    Seems to be written by some high school girl student. It reeks of immaturity .

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  • Tishna
    May 22, 2013 - 5:17PM

    So… we only have odd brides in our society. No normal one… what a pity…

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  • JIYA
    May 22, 2013 - 7:18PM

    yawn… seriously ET. meaningless article.

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  • Me
    May 22, 2013 - 8:27PM

    Okay. Give back the 2 minutes of my life I wasted reading this.

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  • Faheem Almas
    May 22, 2013 - 9:00PM

    I think all the brides these days are a mixture, if not of all, most of oddities.

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  • recentlygotengaged ;)
    May 22, 2013 - 9:16PM

    why do i fit in :P

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  • recentlygotengaged ;)
    May 22, 2013 - 9:24PM

    where do i fit in ? nowhere :S

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  • IceSoul
    May 22, 2013 - 9:36PM

    If this article is so meaningless and immature, why are you all wasting your time commenting on it? Don’t you high and mighty intellectuals have anything more “sophisticated” to do?

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  • Falcon
    May 22, 2013 - 9:59PM

    Really fun read. Keep it up ET. Reading the comments, I am wondering whatever happened to the sense of humor of us Pakistanis?

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  • Samar_Yz
    May 22, 2013 - 10:05PM

    Hain???

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  • gp65
    May 23, 2013 - 3:18AM

    Nicely written.

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  • arsi
    May 23, 2013 - 3:28AM

    pathetic article

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  • tena
    May 23, 2013 - 9:44AM

    the article is fun and, besides that, it’s true. i recognized myself in miss james bond bride and was laughing a lot.

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  • Ahmad
    May 24, 2013 - 1:29AM

    The nikah is being held at a masjid ? What’s wrong with that.

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