Mommy dearest

We Are Family is solidly, consistently unentertaining. The local flavour in the film adds nothing to the remake.

“Can two mothers live together?” asks the poster of We Are Family. First, a sigh of relief — this is not “Heather has two mommies” Karan Johar style. Then, draw your breath back in, this is a remake of the Christopher Columbus 1998 melodrama Stepmom, starring Susan Sarandon, Julia Roberts and Ed Harris.

Maya (Kajol), and her three children take an instant dislike to ex-husband Aman’s (Arjun Rampal) girlfriend Shreya (Kareena Karoor), despite her best efforts at ingratiating herself. Kajol is forced to rethink her stance for the good of the family when she is diagnosed with cancer, and requires a surrogate mother for her brood. And so, Shreya moves in, tries her best at wooing the kids and all in all, trains to be their surrogate mother.

For the uninitiated, Stepmom was a tepid drama that relied on Sarandon’s fierce intelligence and the gravitas she brings to her projects, coupled with the considerable charms of Julia Roberts, to carry it through. We Are Family puts that onus on Kajol’s shoulders alone, she who is fast becoming Bollywood’s go-to-girl for tragedy. And, as expected, Kajol doles out pathos remarkably well. It is she who chokes out every tear in this film. That she pulls it off so soon after doing the same in My Name Is Khan leaves one begging to find this woman a role fitting of her remarkable talent.

Kapoor’s Shreya doesn’t fare so well. This is not entirely her fault; the role is slight and flimsy, lacking any bite. Shreya is merely an interchangeable addition to a lengthy laundry list of K-Jo girls. His female NRIs are sassy and fun, they drink wine and are mildly flirtatious. But this is just the surface. At the root, it’s still the same old traditional Indian values fuelled by a strong desire to live a yuppie life with (an Indian) Prince Charming. These are the fictitious liberal values that K-Jo has perfected in his films and this is a face of India — conservatism with the veneer of daring — that his audience are most comfortable with.

To be fair, K-Jo himself isn’t at the helm of this project. It springs from his production house, directed by first-timer Siddarth Malhotra. It is Malhotra who leaves Kapoor stranded in this snooze fest, lacking the fun, charm and zest of earlier K-Jo creations, who are bland but at least bearable. He is unable to draw from Kapoor the vast charm she exudes in Jab We Met or Chameli. It’s a shame because Kapoor, given an able director, can light up the screen, as seen in Jab We Met and Chameli. Here, she is unable to fill Roberts’ Manolos.

Arjun Rampal is competent in a role which is essentially peripheral. As an actor, he has grown from strength to strength and shown remarkable versatility over the years. It’s a great shame that he has as yet failed to achieve the mainstream attention he deserves. This film certainly isn’t going to do it. As for the kids, they’re Bollywood revolting, which is the same as Hollywood revolting, only ever so slightly worse.

We Are Family is solidly, consistently unentertaining. While Malhotra has added some local flavour, none of it adds to the remake. The movie plods along to its predictable finale, not even helped along by a soundtrack of any worth. It appears that even Shankar-Ehsan Loy heard the plot and couldn’t be bothered. If you’re looking for a “Time to Disco”, look elsewhere. Here we are treated to an insufferable version of “Jailhouse Rock”, complete with gyrating from the main leads. This moment will surely haunt them years from now.

K-Jo purchased the rights to Stepmom so that We Are Family could legitimately be released globally. His production house generally has an NRI demographic in mind and reaps more money overseas than at home. Latest tallies show that We Are Family has flopped in both markets. Could this possibly mean that people now demand better fare than this banal, one-tone misstep?

Published in The Express Tribune, September 26^th, 2010.