‘Only for Families’

Disallowing single men because some men cause trouble is like banning all motorcycles as they have more accidents.

Over the last few months, I have noticed a growing proliferation of  ‘Only for families’ signs. A few years ago, these signs were mostly limited to a certain area in restaurants, where people with children could sit without disturbing others. This was a practical step so that people who want a quieter time are not troubled, and people with little children have more space to work with. However, recently, this ‘families’ realm has spread even further. A number of restaurants have this sign up and even shopping areas, including department stores, have begun to have such signs. Now, the definition of ‘families’ has even changed from having kids with you to the requirement of being accompanied by a woman — whoever that might be.

This ‘only for families’ regime, I want to argue, is not only plain silly, but also counterproductive and actually destructive for our society. First, this is silly because it is impractical for a man to always have a woman around him if he wants to go to a restaurant to have dinner, a cafe to have tea, or a department store to buy something. Imagine a 60-year-old man having to have to take his wife (or any other woman) to a store just because he needs to buy some supplies. He should be able to do it by himself. Commercially, too, this is not a positive policy as it turns back customers in an age where most businesses are in financial trouble.

Secondly, for the conservative elements in society, who might actually like the ‘only for families’ sign, this stipulation is actually counterproductive, since all this does is encourage people to go on dates — things they want to prevent! Imagine, that now a young man actually has an incentive to ask a girl out, since without her he cannot even enter most cafes around town! On a more practical note, this condition prevents friends from enjoying themselves and leaves people in a rather complicated binary of dating.

Thirdly, and most importantly, this proviso is counterproductive and destructive for society. Now, let us look at the rationale behind this idea. The reason people give for this conditionality is that, at times, individual or groups of young men come in and tease women. Therefore, cafes, restaurants and shopping areas want to give women a safe environment. Fair enough. However, these men will not just vanish if you exclude them from certain spaces. They will still remain outside the shopping malls, on street corners, on bus stops, etc. Hence, the simplistic solution of simply banning them, and by extension all men without a woman at that time, is simply unfair and not a real solution. The equivalent to the requirement that single men are not allowed because some single men cause trouble is that all motorcycles should be banned because most accidents occur due to motorcycles. Of course, a blanket ban on motorcycles just because on average there are a lot of accidents related to motorcycles is ridiculous, just as limiting the movement of all men due to some men acting badly is unjust. Places should have rules about hooliganism and should strictly enforce them, but not penalise all men for the problems of a few. Rather, measures should be taken by the government, local bodies, NGOs and other society organisations to address the cause of public hooliganism.

Moreover, such segregation leads to further divisions in society. People in Pakistan already have a bad record in public interaction and engagement, and creating further segregation exacerbates these problems. Pakistan is also becoming an increasingly tense society and such stipulations which further divide and control the population are counterproductive measures. Furthermore, in a society which is fast becoming individualistic, this stigmatises being single and leads to single people being uncomfortable.

Pakistan has a number of problems, including bad behaviour. However, we cannot address this issue by more segregation and stigmatisation. We need to develop models where people are more integrated and the society is more inclusive. Exclusion of anyone has never solved any problems.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 19^th, 2012.