I Googled you up again today and sat staring at your Facebook picture for hours. I spent torturous minutes comparing every one of my features, body parts and personality traits to yours. I won some battles; I lost the others.
I sent your picture to my friends to find out if they could see what he had seen in you. They all told me you were “ugly” and for a few minutes that eased my insecurity and still-broken heart.
But none of the battles I win compare to the one you won two years ago. A battle you launched against me without my even knowing. A secret war you started despite knowing me — and knowing me well.
I keep wondering whether you Google me too?
But you’re too smitten to care about the mess you left behind. I can’t help but imagine you and him laughing together about how easy it had been to play me for a fool. I was one-dimensional to you, a figure who he told you was supposedly “neurotic”, and all you were doing was helping him stop wasting his life with me.
Sometimes I want to hear a rumour about the end of your relationship with him. I wish for another woman to do to you what you did to me, just so you can feel the bitterness I did for two years.
And then I realise, that would be the best thing that happens to you. Then you would be free of him — like I am today. Free to pursue goals, meet friends and have a semblance of a life. Something he made me give up on completely.
So the real revenge would be to see you married to him forever. To be caught in his trap forever. To see you wilt away like I had wilted. To have nothing but a toxic love that takes and takes but never gives. To love a man who betrays so easily and wickedly.
The woman you betrayed
P.S: One day, I will try to forgive you — that day isn’t today.
The end of a relationship can be hard, but the heartbreak is compounded when your partner has been unfaithful. Here, the woman betrayed confesses her thoughts to the woman who stole her man.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, September 9th, 2012.