Make it big on Express Freely Tribune!

Published: May 29, 2012
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The writer is a senior journalist and has held several editorial positions including most recently at The Friday Times. He was a Ford Scholar at UIUC and a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institution

The writer is a senior journalist and has held several editorial positions including most recently at The Friday Times. He was a Ford Scholar at UIUC and a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institution

You have been blogging for a while, unburdening yourself of the stream of consciousness juvenilia and, in the process, even picking up a lot of Twitter detritus. But you are ambitious. Not enough this, you say. “I must make it big, play with the big dogs, learning how to bite like them.” I gotta write for a newspaper, op-ed pages no less!

You look around. There’s The Qaum. Too right of centre and all the way to the right. Doesn’t go with the right kinda crowd on Twitter. Who wants to wear shaloos when everyone is wearing that cross between chooridaars and tights, regardless of the size of their behinds?

The national War Gazette’s English-language paper then? Those guys even print grammar-free non-articles and much else whose sex can’t be determined. Possible, but let’s check out the others first.

The Yawn? Jeez! Puts me to sleep. No white space, no colour, nothing racy. Staid, old, balding, pot-bellied. So terribly 50s, 60s or take-your-pickties.

The Express-Freely Tribune (EFT)? The new kid on the block making waves, printing everyone from that obnoxious ISPR-ISI-CIA-RAW-Mossad-DPC agent EH to the respectable, politically correct libs, Pak-style. They are a free for all maila, the EFT-wallahs, even getting the injuns to comment freely. But most of all they are the Twitteratis’ heartthrobs, trending there constantly. Just the kinda paper for the impending blogger-to-become-op-ed-disaster.

Next step, crucial for product positioning, is to select the right topics, issues that get 400 tweets and 2k likes on Facebook and establish you as the best thing that has happened this side of the Gospels. Here’s a guide.

Write about the Deep State. What? You don’t know what Deep State is? What a loser. Deep State is a state within a state. It lies deep, buried under layers of deception. Only a few of the insightful can see it and are privy to its shenanigans. But do not despair. You don’t have to know what it is. The EFT readers get it when they see the phrase Deep State. Just use your conclusion about Deep State as your unstated premise and screw the rest. The phrase has its own 100-tweets-and-500-FB-Likes rating even if you don’t say much else. Simply put, in Pakistan, if you haven’t had a good crap for days, blame it on the Deep State. No, it’s not the Orwellian Big Brother. It’s very Pakistani and there’s nothing literary about it.

Next, but most important and allied with the Deep-State positioning, is your approach to the Pakistan-damned-need-to-be-defenestrated-army. This is an army, just in case you didn’t know this, which Voltaire predicted about. You don’t have to know who the sucker was and when and where he lived. Just remember the name for devil’s sake. You also don’t need to know his contributions to history, philosophy, prose, poetry etcetera (the Twitterati are not interested). You just need to know what he said about an army with a state rather than the other way round. No, he didn’t say it for Prussia. He said it about the Pakistani military. Now stick to this 101 if you don’t want to spoil your chances with the EFT readership.

Voltaire and Pakistan Army done, you need to move to democracy. The PPP-led coalition, including Maulana Fazlur Rehman when he is in (not when he is out), is the beacon of democracy, the CJP can take a hike. (Nota Bene: don’t write in favour of Babar Awan or against Chaudhry Aitzaz — remember the former is out and the latter in, thank you.) Nawaz Sharif, Imran Khan et al are people trying to derail democracy. Good governance is the Matrix they have created, having popped some bloody pill that is neither here nor there. Remember, if you wanna make it big you gotta be in favour with the 140 characters in Pakistan who are the elite and controllers of 140-characters (no, we aren’t talking about Character, you medieval loser) and they watch over everything you write. You screw up the basics and you are screwed. Remember: Democracy is the PPP and whoever might be with the PPP at a particular point in time. All others are spoilers.

DO NOT praise Pakistan’s nuclear capability. That is a big, bloody no. Pakistan doesn’t need ‘em bloody nukes when they are irrelevant to the internal security threat. Lose the pistol you have kept for self-defence because it is useless against dengue mosquitoes. DO NOT argue if you want to make it big. Thank you for shutting up.

What? You want to write about the funding for the Social Media conferences and sundry festivals? Are you crazy? Here’s a better idea. Say this: what about the Pakistan Army? Don’t they get their funding from the US and the UK? I can see you nodding in agreement. You are finally getting it right.

Loadshedding? What loadshedding? If Nawaz Sharif hadn’t screwed with BB’s IPPs there would have been no loadshedding. Put it in a perspective, mate.

Balochistan? What about it? You want to get a perspective on Balochistan? Don’t talk to those liars in the military and FC? Let me give you the low-down on Balochistan. It should be the Independent Republic of Balochistan. All the Punjabis should be kicked out. It goes without saying that so should be the Pakistani military and FC. Only the Baloch are being killed; all other killings are kosher and retaliatory. What? Iran? Listen, don’t say anything about Iran walking in. What Pashtun? There are no Pashtun. Why do you think it’s called Balochistan? It’s about the Baloch. Independent Balochistan is what you must talk about.

On the sidelines you can write about gay and lesbian rights, why Shakil Afridi hasn’t been awarded a Nishan-e-Haider, pulling back from Siachen unilaterally, why you like Sudoku, jamans, kite-flying, Sex and the City, living without servants and, of course, the fact that Pakistan is about to fail and must. If it fails the world will be readmitted to the Garden of Eden. If you get all of this right, you are set to make it big! Cheers.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 30th, 2012.

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Reader Comments (82)

  • DB
    May 29, 2012 - 10:48PM

    Well written Ejaz Haider. ET represents an elite Westernized class of liberals that have no connection with 95% of Pakistan. None at all. The fact that it is funded from overseas sources and has journalists and columnists sources helps ET push a certain narrative. They are happy in their fantasy land where all evil emanates from Pakistan and nothing good can happen in Pakistan. Drone attacks are the answer to ALL of our problems and those opposing it are the worst terrorists imaginable. Commentors here endless time to write anti-Pakistan comments as that is their primary job.

    In fact, vast majority of ETs readership is not inside Pakistan. ET is not catering to a Pakistani audience at all.Recommend

  • bozo
    May 29, 2012 - 10:50PM

    Who wants to wear shaloos when everyone is wearing that cross between chooridaars and tights, regardless of the size of their behinds?

    mr ejaz haider you really brightened my night ;) wish you would write on fashion someday, can give all these fat, thin, shallow women a run from their money.

    Recommend

  • Farrukh Shabbir
    May 29, 2012 - 10:53PM

    Kudos.

    Recommend

  • bozo
    May 29, 2012 - 10:55PM

    sarcasm at its best ;)
    now that i am done with checking out the behinds around here in clingy tayts

    Recommend

  • Ejaaz
    May 29, 2012 - 10:56PM

    Ejaz Sahib,

    It is part of the ancient fables. If you keep lying and crying wolf non-stop then eventually people stop paying attention and no longer believe you even when you speak the truth.

    Pakistan’s establishment has been lying to the poor nobodies of Pakistan that the few pakistanis who can still read no longer can bring themselves to believe you. The politicians, the generals, the judges, the journalists, in Pakistan have been lying for the last 60 years. Selling of these lies as deeply thought out strategy just does not sell. But then those who can read are a tiny minority, those who can read and think are minuscule and so who cares. Pakistan can still produce jalsas that easily pack over couple of lacs if for no other reason than to get a free plactic chair at the end. Recommend

  • Batman
    May 29, 2012 - 11:00PM

    Probably the best article I’ve read here so far. Absolutely brilliant. Brace yourself for the trolls though, they’ll be here any minute now…

    Recommend

  • Ali tanoli
    May 29, 2012 - 11:07PM

    Ejaaz Haider zindabad u said it sir u said it there colours are like us they look like us but there brains imported from west.

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  • John B
    May 29, 2012 - 11:10PM

    Fair enough, but did not ET give the likes of you the same forum as much the same way as for the ranting, know it all, well connected liberals?

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  • kaalchakra
    May 29, 2012 - 11:12PM

    Well done, Haider Sir. Can’t believe there are people who don’t trust the Pakistan’s greatest institutions, its military and ISI! Please keep telling the truth.

    Recommend

  • Rajendra Kalkhande
    May 29, 2012 - 11:16PM

    well summarized. May be a part-II is written about missing things like India, Kashmir and host of other issues.

    Recommend

  • rehan
    May 29, 2012 - 11:18PM

    OOooppsss!!!
    It hurt somebody. Infact everybody ET. Salute you Mr. EH for holding up the mirror to our highly Westernized and so called rationalized elite. Kudos! Every bit of it was truth.
    More Power to you, Sir.

    Recommend

  • EFT wallah,
    May 29, 2012 - 11:26PM

    Ooooops its hurt some of tweeti birds of E,T.

    Recommend

  • bangash
    May 29, 2012 - 11:32PM

    tsk tsk…the sheer intolerance of Pakistanis, can’t even handle a different opinion without labeling someone as “westernized, liberal, kafir” etc. Recommend

  • May 29, 2012 - 11:41PM

    If it fails the world will be
    readmitted to the Garden of Eden.

    I can only laugh at this irony that is tragic indeed. Recommend

  • faraz
    May 29, 2012 - 11:58PM

    The institution you head also received funds from corrupt PPP. And many liberal Twitterati are now its members!Recommend

  • sidjeen
    May 30, 2012 - 12:00AM

    oh my Mr EH looks like you are getting frustrated for the stick you’re getting from readers of ET for your views on different issues tell you what you could have just said “write the honest truth” and you shall be popular with the “westernized elite liberals”.

    Recommend

  • logic wins
    May 30, 2012 - 12:08AM

    i think this is the ‘laugh at you’ stage of the famous Gandhi quote
    “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
    The message to ET op-ed writers seems to be
    Don’t question anything, conform to the the status quo.

    Recommend

  • Ahmad
    May 30, 2012 - 12:43AM

    The new kid on the block making waves, printing everyone from that obnoxious ISPR-ISI-CIA-RAW-Mossad-DPC agent EH to the respectable, politically correct libs, Pak-style.

    Self pity and sarcasm rarely go well together.

    Balochistan? What about it? You want to get a perspective on Balochistan? Don’t talk to those liars in the military and FC? Let me give you the low-down on Balochistan. It should be the Independent Republic of Balochistan.

    Are you Baloch? No? Then you don’t get to have an opinion. Remember, Balcohistan never acceded to Pakistan. That’s the dirty little secret nobody cares about. Ironically, not taking Balochistan seriously is the reason we find ourselves in the present situation.

    And lets face it, you have been an apologist of the military time and again, from

    Shakil Afridi

    “Where I fully agree with Feisal is on the point that Afridi should be allowed due process. If he then gets nailed, so be it.”
    Do you see the contradiction of “nailing” Mr. Afridi even before he has had a fair trial?

    Balochistan

    “The security forces must be directed in their work by this person and while it is important to facilitate their work, thankless for the most part, there should be strict accountability of their actions to ensure that no one steps out of line.”
    And where in this article was the military’s role in Balochistan? Predictably nowhere.

    and most of all, the DPC

    “Rumours suggest that this crowd has been put up to this tamasha by a section of the establishment. I hope that is not true. I know many senior officers who have, on multiple occasions, spoken to me about the rising threat of extremism.”

    See now this DPC line that you offer up is precisely what the military does 24/7 to convince everybody that it doesn’t in fact support terrorists while also killing them. This, right here, is the definition of military apologist.

    Just because you cleverly chose to bunch ISI/ISPR together CIA/RAW/Mossad doesn’t make it any less true. Sadly, this exercise of mocking by association will go over the heads of most people.

    Recommend

  • Javaid R. Shami
    May 30, 2012 - 12:45AM

    You flatterer, you!

    Recommend

  • May 30, 2012 - 12:52AM

    You fools. Its a reverse satire. How can you you not guess that he is attempting the satire on that very newspaper and that too by calling himself a RAW agent? Haha! I am enjoying.

    Recommend

  • kaalchakra
    May 30, 2012 - 1:20AM

    Sadly, in these dark times it has become very easy to be called ‘honorable’. All one has to do is to question the veracity of military’s and ISI’s claims, protest the killings of Balochis, undermine the benefits of the Islamic bomb, and blame Pakistan for Shakil Afridi episode! Only intellectuals like Sir Hyder and Professor Hafiz Saeed can shine a ray of hope now.

    Recommend

  • Sunil
    May 30, 2012 - 1:22AM

    When the right wingers start imitating NFP’s style – well, the style is having its effect ;DRecommend

  • idiot-among-the-wise
    May 30, 2012 - 1:34AM

    This is the best thing that ever came out of ET.

    Recommend

  • Adnan Khan
    May 30, 2012 - 1:35AM

    Spot on and probably the first and last really entertaining read I am going to have on this website. I am going to find out where I can read more of your stuff!
    .
    Bravo!Recommend

  • Mawali
    May 30, 2012 - 1:36AM

    Mate, you need a break. Just get away and get some if you catch my drift. Its tough and if you look carefully numbers speak for themselves.

    I have to be honest, I had to read this whatever you call it an op-ed or write-up or plaint old venting. I sure hope you feel good.

    Without, sounding too patroninzing suffice it to say you are a very capable writer. In fact just a couple of you are worth reading. My only request to you is leave voltaire, Rousseau and perhaps even carlyle and for good measure hugo out of discussion. It just gets a bit heavy for a simple man like myself.

    Just like predictability they say is the death of the boss jock and self pity a slow death of dignity. Setting a higher bar than one that the reader can overcome leads to disappointment for the op- ed boss jock.

    Speaking of philosophers was it socrates who when informed that a certain individual praised him; said ” what wrong have I done that he praises me” call it what you may but keep it simple. My dictionary will thank you!

    Recommend

  • Jalib
    May 30, 2012 - 1:41AM

    Thank you once again Mr. Ejaz for enlightening us. As always you have taken what lies in the hearts of the overwhelming majority of sensible, educated and nuanced & centrist Pakistanis and penned it with a flair and sardonic wit that would make many of the Russian literary greats proud!!
    God bless and keep fighting the good fight!

    Recommend

  • confised
    May 30, 2012 - 1:45AM

    Spot on! I always think when these posh tots tweet about saving pakistan and how it needs this and that and how the people actually working for it have no solution at all! and then they tweet about dining out and their europe trips.. serious contadiction! I’m scared of twitter now, just retweet and like you said shutup.

    Recommend

  • Salman
    May 30, 2012 - 1:55AM

    Ejaz Haider, Thanks a lot for representing my thoughts and feelings.

    Recommend

  • menteliscio
    May 30, 2012 - 2:05AM

    good read! this is so true!

    Recommend

  • Bayghairat
    May 30, 2012 - 2:15AM

    Sir!
    You have written what you deem to be right.Yes ET has always stated its Agenda that is promoting the ideology of Secular,inclusive and Democratic Pakistan which has always been threatened by the existence of nexus of MUllah-Military alliance and at the same time highliting the plights of Minorities i.e Hindus,Ahmadis,Hazaras etc which the other mainstream urdu print and electronic media fails to bring out either due to the sensitvity of the issue or their perception of identifying these issues irrelevant to the Backwardness of Pakistan.

    I have followed you from quite a bit time and i have the same issue with you that you try to distort the facts and perception building of common people of Pakistan by promoting the agenda of Obsessed mindset of GHQ.What do you know about Balochistan.Last time you wrote an article about the secterian Killings of Hazaras by bringing a perspective which was immensely contradictory with the ground realities.Respect the ideas of others which are gainst yours.And please sir dont think of Yourself As Socrates.

    Recommend

  • Mirza
    May 30, 2012 - 2:18AM

    Looks like somebody’s ego is lacerated. If you cannot take the heat get out of the kitchen. Before entering media or politics one should know that there would be people who would endorse and some who would criticize. It is fair game and nothing personal about it. Learn to tell the truth, nothing but the truth and the liberals would not hurt your ego. Is it asking too much?

    Recommend

  • Hamza Ahmad
    May 30, 2012 - 2:35AM

    Bravo Ejaz Haider Bravo :) Says It All :) Superb :)

    Recommend

  • Kafir
    May 30, 2012 - 3:08AM

    Ejaj Bhai, You appear really frustrated. Chill out !!! Take a hike in Swat.

    Recommend

  • Ali
    May 30, 2012 - 3:22AM

    In my opinion there are three types of op-ed writers in Pakistan.Foreign policy mainly America,India and Afghanistan centric and writers are retired foreign service.Defence,writers are retired Army officers.Army and ISI bashers,writers are so called liberals.Dont believe this ? Please browse through archive opinion pages of leading english dailies.

    Recommend

  • Martx
    May 30, 2012 - 4:31AM

    Satire really isn’t your thing mate. Stick to foreign policy/defence strategies etc.
    If you want to try your luck at satire, start your own blog (pun intended).

    Recommend

  • Hussain Syed
    May 30, 2012 - 4:35AM

    Oh the ET has a left leaning agenda? You figured this out all on your own? Congratulations!!! I do thank you for pointing out this extremely incomprehensible point. We all know that journalism in Pakistan is rarely ideological. I mean that, we all KNOW that ALL Pakistani newspapers give a fair, secular, non-biased opinion on all things right? They don’t look at matters from a nationalist or Islamocentric point of view right? I mean, Nawai-e-Waqt publishes articles on gay rights just as often as those that oppose it. ET is a drop of partisan, ideological, and frankly unfair brand of journalism, in the sea of Pakistani journalism that is awash in fair, non-ideological, and nonpartisan reporting!

    Recommend

  • Mahakaalchakra
    May 30, 2012 - 4:36AM

    Ejaz, internet is the best equalizer. Pakistan is under microscope and the game of deceit, denial and delusion has to end one day. Carefully crafted narrative is busting in the face of those reared by the deep state. They are frustrated that their population is decreasing day by day. Deep state is also changing its color. For instances, today’s somewhat candid discussion about Balochistan by the deep state with the “shallow” state.

    I must admit that you are very talented and you sure can feel which way wind is blowing in world wide web of deceit and denial. I can understand the dilemma of those who are still struck on the old narrative.

    Recommend

  • Nagpuri
    May 30, 2012 - 4:55AM

    Ohh man.. Looks like comments on your last article got to you.

    But i have to say this is again shows your ego in self pity.

    This should have been a blog post rather than wasting this space on this trifle to rebut your critics. Please develop some thick skin. If not take some classes from president Zardari.

    In a twisted way you proved you critics correct again that you are full of yourself and consider yourself most enlightened, erudite and wise. Rest of liberals, tiwtterist, fbs, etc. can’t see the thing beyond the obvious that they are seeing and feeling around them everyday like suicide bombings, sectarian killings, OBL raids, killings of Salim Shazad, etc. And you and only you can understand the deeper meaning of deep state and its shenanigans as a ‘realist’ and rest are idiots.

    Please next time pick some topic which impacts Pakistan or Tonga rather than Mr. Ejaz Haider.

    Recommend

  • afzal
    May 30, 2012 - 5:12AM

    nothing to say Ejaz said it all

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  • Mustafa Moiz
    May 30, 2012 - 5:32AM

    Great article, hilarious.

    Recommend

  • jagjit sidhoo
    May 30, 2012 - 6:40AM

    The whole article was a fab read but for me”Simply put, in Pakistan, if you haven’t had a good crap for days, blame it on the Deep State” &”. even getting the injuns to comment freely” took the cake . Great read Mr Haider you made my day

    Recommend

  • faraz
    May 30, 2012 - 7:22AM

    I can understand your pain. You always receive a solid thrashing on this website. But even you know that before joining ET, nobody knew who you are!

    Recommend

  • kaalchakra
    May 30, 2012 - 7:55AM

    EH, you are the only man. Also write one article on interconttinental missile and it’s importance. US should listen to nuclear power pakistan.

    Recommend

  • Yuri Kondratyuk
    May 30, 2012 - 8:16AM

    @kaalchakra:

    Sadly, in these dark times it has
    become very easy to be called
    ‘honorable’. All one has to do is to
    question the veracity of military’s
    and ISI’s claims, protest the killings
    of Balochis, undermine the benefits of
    the Islamic bomb, and blame Pakistan
    for Shakil Afridi episode! Only
    intellectuals like Sir Hyder and
    Professor Hafiz Saeed can shine a ray
    of hope now

    I know that you literally mean what you posted. But I am sure you have no idea how deliciously funny and satiric your post is.
    Thank you Sir!
    .

    Recommend

  • observer
    May 30, 2012 - 8:19AM

    @DB

    In fact, vast majority of ETs readership is not inside Pakistan. ET is not catering to a Pakistani audience at all.

    Well, look at today’s opinion columns, EH, Lt Gen Asad Durrani, Brigadier Asad Munir, Tareq Fatimi , all patriots and Pakistani. You were saying something about audiences.

    Recommend

  • observer
    May 30, 2012 - 8:24AM

    @EH

    Please don’t get frustrated with the Liberal Fascists.

    They are the least of the problems facing Pakistan. Believe me even if everyone starts talking like the Nation, disappearances in Balochistan will not disappear, and the PNS Mehran will not get unattacked and the miseries visited upon the people of Swat will not get undone and the escapees of Bannu will not come back of their own.

    As I said the Liberals are easily dealt with, ask Qadri.

    Recommend

  • Hasan
    May 30, 2012 - 8:56AM

    And of course the great warriors of the Pak Army won the 48/65/71/99 wars too! right? Sad to see a brilliant mind go over the top.

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  • May 30, 2012 - 9:02AM

    Lol! Great read. But also appreciate ET that they let you publish it. Basically ET works the way that would really get them hits and ignite the hate mail.

    Here are some of my tips for this:

    http://rorolia.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/factors-to-help-get-hits-on-social-media/

    Recommend

  • Sid
    May 30, 2012 - 9:38AM

    lol IH. Good shot. I am having goosebumps. Cheers mate ;-)

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  • Amadeus
    May 30, 2012 - 9:56AM

    Ahhh – the behinds!!!

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  • Basit
    May 30, 2012 - 10:02AM

    ET’s meteoric rise in popularity has not been mere coincidence. It serves as a useful tool for certain powers and their overt and covert support has helped ET tremendously.

    Recommend

  • ashok sai
    May 30, 2012 - 10:27AM

    EH, may be you are better suited for ‘Nation’ :D

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  • Yuri Kondratyuk
    May 30, 2012 - 10:33AM

    @logic wins:

    i think this is the ‘laugh at you’
    stage of the famous Gandhi quote
    “First they ignore you, then they
    laugh at you, then they fight you,
    then you win.”

    In this case it will perpetually be “they laugh at you”

    Recommend

  • Adeel
    May 30, 2012 - 10:42AM

    After many years i have read something commendable.

    Recommend

  • Popsicle
    May 30, 2012 - 10:42AM

    Mutilated body found yesterday in #Khuzdar yet to be identified. Extremely bad condition,dipped in acid #Balochistan~~~~ respond to this too Mr.Cool

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  • zoia tariq
    May 30, 2012 - 11:02AM

    Superb piece!One thing is for sure,you will be asked to leave the elite ET clan soon.

    Recommend

  • Jat
    May 30, 2012 - 11:52AM

    OK a poll – who has harmed Pakistan more – Ejaz Haidar or Shakeel Afridi ? Just to clarify this not about individuals.

    Pakistan can still be saved provided a majority of Pakistanis get this question right.

    Recommend

  • messed
    May 30, 2012 - 12:07PM

    @Popsicle: no wonder you are still at it.

    Recommend

  • Umar Khan
    May 30, 2012 - 1:57PM

    I absolutely love the fact that the liberals as well as the not-so-liberals can both come to this website known as ET & share views and agree to disagree, all in a civilised manner. Thanks ET.

    Recommend

  • Sohail
    May 30, 2012 - 2:00PM

    @Bayghairat:
    Very nicely put bro!

    Recommend

  • Zamir Malik
    May 30, 2012 - 2:03PM

    @Jat: Mr Jut Sahib it seems you did not read the whole Article. It is one of the best articles and it has more sarcasm for those self styled attention seeking columnists who are mere Opportunist and they scavenge for Popular news as their agenda is nothing but to hunt opics of Controversy or like contemporary hit articles of time and then they write for them and Ejaz Haider summarizes their life actually.

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  • Hicker
    May 30, 2012 - 4:20PM

    @Bayghairat:

    I think answers to all your concerns are in the article. Read again and you may get the point!

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  • Ayesha
    May 30, 2012 - 5:56PM

    @bozo:
    wonder if it’s cool to write sexist material?

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  • John B
    May 30, 2012 - 6:11PM

    @Yuri Kondratyuk:
    Kalchara is indeed an excellent satirist. Better than many satirical opinion writers here.

    I don’t think he really means what he writes but what he writes is a true reflection of what the hard core islamists think.

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  • logic wins
    May 30, 2012 - 7:11PM

    @Yuri Kondratyuk: read between the lines and you get the list of taboo subjects on which op-ed writers must NOT freely express their views.
    The liberals after being subjected to such ridicule must reply to this article with something called Make it big in the Deep State.

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  • Jat
    May 30, 2012 - 7:36PM

    @Zamir Malik: Malik Sahab, point taken. But have a feeling there is more to it, I may be wrong.

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  • kaalchakra
    May 30, 2012 - 7:42PM

    ayesha

    “Is it cool to write sexist material?”

    Screw sexist, we ought to be glad at least some writers of intelligence and ghairat will not be cowed down nor tricked by Western and Indian propaganda machines.

    Recommend

  • Adnan
    May 30, 2012 - 9:14PM

    Loved, in-the-face, opinion. We need to lighten up by taking criticism in good stride. Sometimes a good laugh helps, even at owns expense.

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  • Sultan Mehmood
    May 30, 2012 - 10:30PM

    I wanted go write a blog ;) about what you said, but you hav nailed it..
    And in such a great way!

    Excellent.. You need to write more like this about other pseudo intellect pieces!!

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  • Cynical
    May 30, 2012 - 10:52PM

    @John B

    You have nailed it. In this article he(Ejaz) has taken a broad swipe at most other op-ed and blog writers who contribute in ET and espouse an alternate or opposing views.

    @observer

    A brilliant take.
    And, ‘As I said Liberals are easily dealt with, ask Qadri.’ is sublime (in context).

    Recommend

  • Parvez
    May 30, 2012 - 11:35PM

    Enjoyed reading this. The satire or sarcasm was both sharp and pungent.
    I detect a sense of condescension towards the casual writer/ reader who expresses his/her opinion, which is disturbing.

    Recommend

  • Mehr Tarar
    May 31, 2012 - 12:21AM

    Wow. This is not like anything I have ever read in a Pakistani paper. Simply brilliant. VF calibre. Bravo. Used to read you once upon a time in DT. Always liked you. From what I remember of your writing you have outdone yourself here Mr Haider.. Wow…that’s all I can say….

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  • Ghassan Khan
    May 31, 2012 - 1:33AM

    Brilliant! This is what we are taught in our political science classes! And yes, I hope to make it big some day too.

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  • MZM
    May 31, 2012 - 3:22AM

    It pains me to see someone like EH, whom I idealized some years ago, trapped in the eulogy of Zaid-Hamid-driven youth. You could have done better, Ejaz. If it is all about Tweets and comments, you will get too many of them but what you will lose at the end of the day is the real EH you could be.

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  • Zeta
    May 31, 2012 - 3:46AM

    Its kosher when the “enlightened” #fakeliberals attack and mock the right wing. Now when a befitting reply is given to these #fakeliberals, They can’t take it. Poor hypocrisy

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  • MilesToGo
    May 31, 2012 - 7:58AM

    Ejaz

    You forgot to about independent kashmir and independent east paksitan…

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  • anticorruption
    May 31, 2012 - 8:39AM

    This is one of the best articles one has read. Everything in this piece is spot on!

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  • May 31, 2012 - 7:15PM

    A bewildering article. It’s clearly satire, but what exactly is the author satirizing?

    On one hand, he seems to be mocking the liberals for criticizing the army and the injustices it brings. Don’t get me wrong, I find it absolutely hull-arious.

    But then it gets hazier. He proceeds to taunt the Baloch separatists, PPP supporters, Sudoku lovers and jaman eaters. What group on earth is he referring to? I’ve seen conservative PPP fans as well as liberal. Sudoku is played by leftists and rightists alike, and both ET followers and haters enjoy jamans. The same goes for their stances on Balochistan (though they’re not equally distributed on each side of the issue).

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  • Cynical
    May 31, 2012 - 10:33PM

    @Zeta

    You are getting too exited for too little.
    Forget about ‘befitting’, he has not even pretended replying to any body (far less to the ones you call fakeliberals).
    He has taken cheap pot shots at all and sundry and oh yes, he mocked and mocked and well, he mocked.

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  • Jun 1, 2012 - 1:15AM

    My God, ET! The way my comments are being edited and deleted, I wonder if I’m sleep-typing Fifty Shades of Grey over here.

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  • Jun 6, 2012 - 10:00AM

    @EH: “even getting the injuns to comment freely.”

    I’d say it’s mostly Injuns’ spam with a few Pakistani comments occasionally to briefly interrupt the non-stop Pakistan bashing!

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  • noori khan
    Jun 15, 2012 - 12:29AM

    BRAVO!

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