KARACHI: For some, Valentine’s Day is heaven. For others, it is a painful hell! For those who believe that this day should be a disgusting pigskin brown instead of a ravenous red, here are a few nightmare Valentine’s dates which may cement your scepticism about all things ‘love’.
When your Valentine is Hannibal Lecter
Last Valentine’s Day, I was pretty bummed that I had no one to buy me a present or take me out for a candle-lit dinner. While I was sitting at the office, mulling over, the mail man dropped a big white envelope on my desk. Since it was addressed to me and it happened to be February 14, I knew it had to be a Valentine’s Day card. I excitedly tore the envelope off to see who had sent it me. To my surprise and shock, it had no return address and had the creepiest message on it:
Be mine...or die
I spent the rest of the day in absolute fear for my life, half expecting a stalker or an axe murderer to appear out of nowhere. It was the next day that I found out it was a prank my sadistic co-workers had played on me for constantly complaining about me being single.
The gastronomical delight
I had cooked a wonderful meal for her on Valentine’s Day at my place. For the main course, I had made poached lobster. Since I wanted her to be completely surprised, I blindfolded her so she couldn’t see what was on the plate. In a very romantic moment, I fed her my culinary creation. For two seconds, she seemed mesmerised by the taste. Merely seconds later, she was screaming that she was allergic to shell fish. What followed next was an incredibly swollen tongue, a hospital visit and a lot of insults from my Valentine.
Drive of your life
I was really looking forward to Valentine’s Day as I had planned an entire day of activities with my Mrs. I wanted to start off with a long drive to the French beach. We started off early at 7 am. Half-way there, my car broke down in one of the shadiest parts of town. Stranded, harassed and angry, we stood and waited for hours until one of my friends finally woke up and decided to rescue us.
I really wanted to meet my Valentine for an entire day. But since I had to work that day, there was no way I could take off without a very genuine reason. So I faked sickness by calling up my manager in the morning and asking for a day off. He agreed and told me to rest. Excitedly, I dressed up to the nines and headed for some breakfast with my Valentine at popular breakfast joint. We hadn’t even gotten started, when lo and behold, my manager walks in the cafe to pick up his coffee. We exchanged some uncomfortable glances and the next day I had a disciplinary letter sitting on my desk.
The waiter had only put the appetizers on the table, when my beau’s phone started ringing. He quieted me and picked up the phone conspicuously. The conversation started with: “Jee Mumma” and ended with “Mein abhi aya”.
Within seconds my Valentine had asked for the bill, told me that he had to cancel as his ‘Mumma’ had cooked him aloo parathay at home. I swallowed my sauteed mushroom, picked up my bag and left the restaurant with a very empty stomach and a broken heart.
*Names have been altered to protect their privacy.
VD etiquettes: What not to say to the single girl
1. When are you going to get married?
2. Did you get anything for Valentine’s Day?
3. What happened to your old boyfriend?”
4. Can you babysit my kids, since you won’t be doing anything tonight
5. Are you gay?
6. Want to meet my brother? He’s lonely too.
7. Maybe it’s your breath.
8. Do you have daddy issues?
9. Why can’t you get a man?
10. How does it feel to be an old maid?
Source: yahoo voices
Your most memorable Valentine’s Day?
The best experience for me was that I got engaged to my husband on Valentine’s Day.
Designer Sania Maskatiya
The best Valentine’s Day I’ve had was in my high school days. Just the anticipation of not knowing who would spring up a Valentine surprise and whether any secret crushes would be revealed or not would keep us girls on our toes. All the mystery and cuteness was a Valentine highlight!
Actor and model Aamina Sheikh
Before the advent of fashion weeks, there used to be just solo fashion shows. Almost every year some designer or the other would do a Valentine’s Day show. This meant I had to work on February 14 — I hated that feeling.
Singer and actor Meesha Shafi
The worst Valentine’s Day was when I was in London for work. I was away from my family and friends for a week and I just stayed in my hotel room all by myself.
Model Mehreen Syed
My worst Valentine’s was when I was a 12-year-old and I biked to my sisters’ friends’ house on whom I had a major crush. I proceeded to give her a rose and she gave me a sisterly kiss on my forehead in return.
Musician Jimmy Khan
Published in The Express Tribune, February 14th, 2012.
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