Social networking: Twitter quitter!

So yes, I am not on Twitter and I am too lazy to bother about making a Twitter account. But my friends did not excuse my absence on Twitter and made me feel like a pariah in society. In fact, they made me feel like an otherworldly creature because apparently only aliens don’t use Twitter. So alas I just got sick of them mocking me and finally decided to be somebody. Sigh!

I finally made my account on Twitter and then fell asleep with the satisfaction that, now, at least I am somebody. But the very next day, a miracle of sorts happened. I logged in to my fresh new Twitter account to confirm that I am somebody and realised that I had attracted twenty followers — all strangers — within eight hours of making my account.


Thank you guys for following me; it’s nice to have followers and the bigger that number is the more of a “somebody” I am. But who are these people? Do I want to tweet personal stuff for them to read? Are they even real people? Yes, I can block people from following me, but then what is Twitter all about?

And another disturbing thing is the spam that I have encountered. Spam is part of the internet and you can’t really escape from it while web surfing, but with Twitter one just drowns in spam. Be it just spam accounts that follow you or the automatic direct messages that try to sell you stuff you don’t want, the quantity of spam is just unmanageable.

I feel that Twitter is just like a Bieber fan page these days. The presence of Justin Bieber has turned Twitter into a platform for attracting his fans. I am not a Belieber for sure but I am not exactly his diehard fan either. But on Twitter, all I come across is Bieber-related stuff. Why must I have to encounter him on Twitter when I am clearly not interested in following live updates about his life?

And by the way, have you ever read a single thing on Twitter that actually enlightened you in any way. Have you? Keep thinking… I am waiting for your response. Thought of something yet? Yeah, me neither. Everything said and circulated on Twitter is absolutely pointless. I don’t care about the sandwich someone has just eaten or that they are heading out to work. People really need to stop pretending that they are celebrities when they are not and believe that people are interested in knowing about their lives. I, for one, am not.

Twitter is a very successful social networking site for professionals or journalists, but not for teenager like me. So I have decided to abandon Twittering once and for all. If next time someone ridicules me for being a nobody then I will simply tell them I am from Mars and aliens just don’t like to tweet.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 10^th, 2011.