I’m 22-year-old boy. I had two best friends but I had a huge fight with one of them (via SMS, not physically!). I’m still friends with the other one but things aren’t the same between us anymore either. My first friend and I were extremely close to each other. We would meet up daily and have lots of fun together … you know, the kind of stuff best friends do. You could say we couldn’t stay apart for more than two days at a time! But then we started having fights via text messages. We would have an argument and stay mad at each other for a couple of days, then he would apologise for his behaviour and everything would go back to normal until one day when our fight got really serious and we both finally said goodbye to each other.
My problem is that I miss him a lot and I don’t know if he misses me as much. I feel lonely because my other friend can’t give me as much time. I want to make things right between us but my ego doesn’t allow me to apologise to him. Please tell me what to do so things can go back to normal. How can I make new friends because I seriously think there’s no way left to apologise now that a year has passed. We haven’t seen each other’s faces since that dreadful fight. I feel like it’s all over! Please help!
Boy Trouble
A. I’ll be honest with you: your email just gave me the worst headache I’ve had in years (the last time being when somebody gave Hadiqa Kiyani the idea that she could sing in English), and it’s not surprising to me that your BFF went running for the hills the first chance he got! Dude, you need to loosen up a bit and give people the space to be themselves. You can’t go around treating your friends like objects that are there to keep you occupied and smiling all the time. Sure, I think your story’s excellent material for a chart-topping country song, but unfortunately there’s not much I or anyone else can do to help someone who’s adamant about putting his ego ahead of those he claims to care about. You say you don’t know if he misses you or not… well, the best way to find out would be to SMS him and ask, wouldn’t it? This isn’t a Star Plus soap opera; it’s real life, which means everything is not over and you can certainly go back and apologise. You guys seem to be good with texts, so a short SMS that reads something like “Hey, I’m sorry I was an ass to you… but you know me, I’m easily influenced by the company I keep! Lol. Anyway, wanna meet up?” could very well do the trick. In less than 30 words, you’ve given a shot trying to repair a relationship that’s important to you; you’ve been the bigger person by apologising; you’ve been necessarily nasty to a friend who was unnecessarily nasty to you, and most importantly, you’ve gotten off your lazy behind and made a move you should ideally have made a year ago!
Q. Dear Mr Know It All,
My problem is that I get angry and I’m low on confidence. I use my anger as a weapon of mass destruction. I just keep yelling and yelling till I get tired. Kindly give me some tips to control my anger and gain confidence. In front of people, my confidence deserts me every time.
Anger Management
A. I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is: it’s impossible to be angry without being confident. In fact, I think anger is primarily an extension of overconfidence, which means half of your problem isn’t a problem at all. The bad news, however, is that angry people are a female-canine-and-a-half to deal with, which makes it impossible for others to like them, let alone help and comfort them. I would prefer thinking about dead kittens than have anything to do with an angry person who admits he’s a yeller, but since you asked so nicely, I’ll give you this: the next time something ticks you off, instead of screaming your poor lungs out, give yourself permission to use some other kind of coping mechanism like crying, writing punk-rock songs, spitting in people’s coffee when they aren’t looking ... you know, the stuff nice people do when they’re livid!
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, November 6th, 2011.
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Mr. Know it all,
Boy Trouble is just messing with you. This can't be serious...
I have to admit your replies and solutions are witty, fun to read, and realistically the best thing to do in those situations. But just wondering, someone who takes the courage to write to you with another 'usual' and 'everyday' situation, and you reply to it sometimes as if it is no big deal or it is dumb or it gives you headache, who would want to write to you then? Just a thought.
The dangerous part of sarcastic posts are when they are not funny anymore. Mr Know it all.