Mr Know It All: The 'perfect' girl and a unibrow

From relationship blues to money woes, Mr Know It All has the answers!

Q. Dear Mr Know it all,

 

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a couple of years now and I think she might be IT! The problem is we’ve been fighting over the silliest of things lately and it’s driving me nuts. I’m confused and irritated. I thought we had something special, but right now it seems everyone is in a perfect relationship except us. I really like this girl but I have never been good at mushy make-ups and I know that’s exactly what she expects me to do. Any suggestions?

 

Boyfriend

 

A. Hollywood has led a lot of us to believe in perfect relationships that are free of defects, silly arguments and screaming rows. Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that’s all a load of baloney. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, and any couple that tells you they’re like two peas in a pod are probably found applying chinlocks and camel clutches on each other in private. Relationships are easy to initiate, but if you want to maintain and nurture one, you need to occasionally exceed expectations. Women are suckers for flowers, for instance, and men who know that are usually found on the winning end. What I’m saying is, fight all you want, but if you’re really sure you want to hold on to your girlfriend, make sure you turn up on her door for make-up eve with a bunch of reds... and well-rested ears… and lots and lots of patience.

 

 

 

Q. Dear Mr Know It All,

 

I’m a 17-year-old girl and I’ve got a bad case of a unibrow. My mom won’t let me tweeze, wax or thread because she thinks the hair will grow out thicker and that I’m too young to be exposing myself to such treatments. All my friends’ moms let them use makeup and go to the parlour regularly to get all sorts of treatments done while I still have to fight with my mom to simply look presentable! It’s humiliating and I’ve had enough! Can you please tell me what the real side effects of waxing or tweezing my eyebrows can be? How can I convince her it’s not that big a deal?

 

Unibrow

 

A. Why your own mother could be so mean to you is beyond me. You’re at an age where looking and feeling good about yourself is a major part of your physical and emotional development, and taking that away from you can lead to some serious consequence — I mean, she wouldn’t want her daughter to grow up to be another Helga Pataki, now would she? If I remember correctly, that girl’s formidable personality could almost always be traced back to the amount of hair on her forehead.

 

I’m guessing you don’t have an elder sister, so what you should do is go to one of your cool cousins or aunt and force them to talk some sense into your mom (who’s really not to blame…the poor thing was probably overexposed to “Planet of the Apes” while growing up!)

 

Deciding on how much of the unibrow to get rid of, and how to shape the two distinct eyebrows that emerge, is a very delicate process. I recommend you give yourself up to a licensed beautician instead of taking matters into your own hands because they’re trained, can suggest different shapes and styles and will test which procedure suits your skin type before taking the plunge.  Generally however, tweezing and threading are considered better than waxing because the latter can result in inflamed follicles, ingrown hair and prolonged irritation as opposed to the other two, which, although painful, are only so momentarily —which is exactly what you want! And just so you know, Jennifer Connelly and Kajol both have unibrows … and it never stopped them from going places!

 

Q. Dear Mr Know it all,

 

I love trying on different styles of sideburns, and have grown almost every shape and size since I was 15. I also got married a year ago and my wife thinks coming home with new sideburns after every other haircut is rather childish and self-indulgent. I think she might be right when she says I should sober my look up a bit, especially since I’m 29 now and working in a serious no-nonsense job where I’m expected to look and act more decent than I actually feel. What do you think is the right style and length for sideburns these days? Is it really that bad to experiment?

 

Wolverine

 

A. If by ‘everything’ you really mean everything, including the notorious bellbottoms to pointy forks and classic mid-lengths to no sideburns at all, then you must have a pretty good idea of what looks good on you and what doesn’t. Personally for me, the only guy who ever looked ‘cool’ with huge sideburns was Elvis and then Mohammed Ali back in the 60s. Nobody can ever pull off the no-sideburn look like a Filipino, so let’s not even go there. The unusual shapes looked interesting on huge brothas on American TV, but they too lost their appeal when every Ali, Omer and Salman decided to show their mean side by growing unusual patterns on their faces.

 

Sideburns are a very personal thing, and should exude an individual’s personality and style instead of the current street trend. In my book, experimenting isn’t a bad thing. However, if you keep altering your look every 15 days, chances are people will start associating the changes with indecisiveness and insecurity: the two little imperfections you really don’t want anything to do with if you want to make a name for yourself in this serious no-nonsense job you talk about … I suggest you rummage through your old photo albums, pick a look you still like and stick with it for a few months. Incidentally, I think both you and your wife are very lucky people. She’s doing you a favour by making positive suggestions about your look and you’re willing to listen. What more could anyone ask for?

 

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, October 9^th, 2011.