The hidden burden of being a man

Every morning, on my way to work, I notice a shopkeeper from the neighbourhood dropping a woman off nearby. One day, out of curiosity, I asked him who she was. He replied that she was his sister, who worked as a schoolteacher. Knowing that he worked long hours, I casually asked when he usually closed his shop. His answer surprised me: "Around 3 am."

Yet, every morning, at approximately 7:20 am, he was there to drop his sister off at work.

For a moment, I was speechless. Here was a man who barely had time to rest, yet made sure his sister reached her workplace safely. What struck me even more was his reaction when I appreciated his efforts. His face lit up. A simple acknowledgment seemed to mean more to him than I had imagined.

That encounter stayed with me. It reminded me how many sacrifices men make for their families without seeking recognition. Sometimes, even a few words of appreciation can reveal how rarely their efforts are acknowledged.

In our society, the pressure to provide begins early. By adolescence, boys are often reminded that they must eventually support their parents, siblings, spouses and children. While women's economic roles are changing and many also carry financial burdens, earning is still treated as a non-negotiable duty for men. The freedom to explore interests and dream about the future can give way to worries about employment, income and dependants.

For many middle-class men, most of what they earn goes towards rent, groceries, education, healthcare and family obligations. They may keep little for themselves, yet take pride in sharing what they have. Their contribution becomes so routine that the sacrifices behind it disappear from view. Not every man fulfils these responsibilities, of course, but many quietly do.

This expectation also shapes career choices. A young man may abandon an ambition, not because he lacks talent or passion, but because a safer profession promises financial stability. What others call a sensible decision may involve the loss of a deeply cherished dream.

We increasingly tell men to express their emotions. Films and public conversations challenge the image of the endlessly strong, silent man. Yet our everyday reactions often deliver the opposite message. A man who speaks about financial difficulties risks being labelled incompetent; one who discusses marital problems may be mocked. Men who experience domestic violence may remain silent for fear of humiliation or threats to their masculinity. Even physical illness, anxiety and emotional exhaustion can become subjects they feel obliged to conceal.

How can we ask men to be emotionally open while punishing them for vulnerability? Silence may look like strength, but sometimes it is simply self-protection.

The expectations continue after work. Men should share parenting and household responsibilities; that is essential to fair and caring families. But we can recognise women's unpaid labour without overlooking a father's long working day, his involvement in raising children, or his care for ageing parents. Many men move between being employees, husbands, fathers, brothers and sons, while also hearing that they must contribute to the progress of society.

This is not about denying women's struggles or competing over who suffers more. Women and men face different pressures, often simultaneously. Recognising men's burdens should expand our compassion, not diminish anyone else's experience.

I am thinking of ordinary men around us: shopkeepers, teachers, office workers, fathers, brothers and neighbours. We value what they provide, but how often do we ask how they are coping? A society that praises male responsibility must also make room for male vulnerability.

We need homes where boys can admit fear without ridicule, relationships where men can discuss conflict without shame, and communities where asking for psychological support is not seen as weakness. Acknowledgment cannot solve every hardship, but it can make a person feel seen.

I return to that shopkeeper in my thoughts. His kindness towards his sister was ordinary to him, yet it revealed something important to me: some of the greatest acts of care are the ones we have stopped noticing. Men, too, deserve appreciation, dignity and support - not only for what they provide, but for who they are.