Nikki Glaser roasts Hollywood, DOJ and media in Golden Globes monologue

Nikki Glaser brings the heat with sharp Golden Globes monologue

Nikki Glaser returned to the Golden Globes stage Sunday night with sharper teeth and fewer taboos, delivering a blistering opening monologue that skewered Hollywood royalty, corporate media and even the Justice Department, all while hosting the awards for the second time.

Opening the 83rd Golden Globes at the Beverly Hilton, Glaser immediately framed the ceremony with biting irony, declaring it “the most important thing happening in the world right now,” before launching into jokes about stalled Hollywood productions, celebrity vanity and the industry’s selective memory.

Throughout the monologue, Glaser proved equal-opportunity in her roasting. She poked fun at Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating history, quipped that Timothée Chalamet had become “the first actor in history to gain muscle for a ping-pong movie,” and joked that George Clooney’s latest role consisted mainly of playing “George Clooney.”

In one of her loudest applause lines, Glaser mockingly awarded the Golden Globe for “Best Editing” to the US Department of Justice, a clear reference to controversy surrounding the handling of the Epstein files.

She followed it up by naming CBS News as the winner for “Most Editing,” calling it “America’s newest place to see BS news”, a pointed jab delivered while standing on a CBS-broadcast stage.

The comedian also revisited her decision to avoid easy targets, having previously ruled out jokes about Ozempic and cosmetic procedures. Ahead of the ceremony, Glaser said she wanted fresher material, telling USA TODAY that some cultural punchlines had simply been “done.”

Instead, she leaned into character-driven humor, roasting Sean Penn for aging unapologetically, teasing Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson as a “classic comedy duo,” and joking that Hollywood’s obsession with youth had left Penn evolving into “a sexy leather handbag.”

Despite the relentless mockery, Glaser softened her tone toward the end, shifting from satire to sincerity. She praised the year’s nominees for their creativity and risk-taking, urging filmmakers like Guillermo del Toro, James Cameron and Yorgos Lanthimos to keep making “weird” movies, and pushing Emma Stone to go even further.

“Go harder,” she joked. “I want Emma Stone playing a piece of toast with epilepsy.”

Glaser closed by thanking the room for embracing comedy that punches up, and sideways, reminding the audience that while the jokes were ruthless, the admiration was genuine.

“I’m your host,” she said, “but honestly, I’m just a massive fan.”

The Golden Globes ceremony followed with major wins for One Battle After Another and Hamnet, but it was Glaser’s fearless opening that set the night’s tone, unapologetic, uncomfortable, and very funny.