Marriage bureau

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Much has been said and little has been done to improve ourselves as a nation. I continue to write about the abysmal moral degradation of our system and those who run it. But this once, I will save everyone the pessimism and take it easy.

Doesn't mean I will not highlight our sheer obsession with artificial and unreal standards set by society. It just means I will put them out here (again) for those who want to laugh at our pain. Sometimes, the best way to address a problem is to laugh at it, weep over it, sympathise, and maybe move on without rectifying it. That is exactly what we've been doing since years. Moving on without addressing the issue at its root.

For those who read the paper daily, it will come as no surprise that our rulers are just as clueless as many of us are. Of course, they are 'chosen' from amongst us. They're living for the first time too and they don't know any better than us. Try explaining to your parents that you cannot pause your online game and go see who is at the door.

But, for those who read the Sunday paper, matters are usually a little more interesting and when I say interesting, I am really toning it down a notch.

On Sundays, it seems as though everyone who advertises their cars (or themselves) in the paper are on this journey of self-discovery and self-improvement and what better way to improve yourself than patronising and degrading the other person?

Sundays are for people who have, either failed to have a relationship or have had no relationships whatsoever, to venture out via the newspaper and seek a 'suitable' marriage partner. But the threshold for 'suitable' isn't just any threshold. The criteria, instead, is that of a perfect human being who probably doesn't even exist.

Some gentleman the other day, I read, was looking for a potential rishta requiring his future wife to be fair, religious, family oriented, tall, slim and (wait for it), virgin.

I understand everyone has their own preferences but tall, slim and virgin? Really? Are you going to sit down with a lady and ask those questions? No wonder you're still single.

Now, unless you're a prolific video gamer, you understand the fact that you aren't creating your perfect human. This isn't a game where you demand all the qualities. What makes this even funnier is the fact that the men who demand such qualities in their potential partner usually have a tire shaped belly, an extreme form of arthritis, they're nearly bald and they religiously believe in the fact that samosas are good for you.

The icing on the cake (or insult to injury) in these adverts is the fact that both the sexes are looking for potential rishtas in the DHA or Clifton area only.

Sigh. People, I promise you there are real life humans living pul ke us paar who are just as capable of forming sound relations. I have met them; I have hung out with them and they eat the same food as us. Yes, they do tend to spend a little more time stuck on Sharah-e-Faisal but hey, that just means they might be a little more patient than us too. How's that for a quality?

Jokes aside, have we become so morally degraded that our partner has to be a virgin, tall, slim and has to reside in DHA?

Mind you, this goes for both the sexes. Imagine your potential wife asking you these questions in front of your entire family. That would just make things awkward (and funny).

We need to move ahead of these petty things. The world has much more to offer.

Either read a book or do everyone a favour and don't procreate.

While I am at it, please reach out if you're a Sunni, virgin, tall and slim woman who is family oriented and resides in Clifton. Bonus points if you're in Phase 8.