Revamping patriarchy

It is time to reclaim the language about the roles of men and women

SLOUGH, ENGLAND:

We may be well into 2025 by now with Aurat March just around the corner, but Pakistani men – and a generous portion of their devoted sidekick Pakistani women – will be pleased to know that patriarchy continues to thrive in full bloom with no signs of shrivelling away just yet.

As a refresher, let us sit back and remind ourselves of actor Saima Qureshi's latest pearls of wisdom. For those who missed her highlights on the FHM podcast last week, the DuniyaPur actor wants you to know that a woman's earnings do not hold the same weight as a man's. Saima is of the view that a real woman would never turn a blind eye to her housekeeping and mothering duties in exchange for a job – although if she does, whatever paltry amount she brings home is denied the divine blessings automatically attached to the salary procured by the token male in her life.

How little should we care?

If you are the shameless career woman Saima has described, please do not feel too bad. Despite her disapprobation, somewhere out there will be someone in your vast social network – man, woman, it doesn't matter – who will congratulate you for finding something to keep 'busy' with your little job, much in the same way restaurants hand out colouring pencils to a toddler to keep them "busy".

However, if you, a 'working woman', continue to be haunted by Saima's words, you can console yourself with the knowledge that you are not sinning alone. Despite Saima's censure, we continue to exist in a world infested with 'lady doctors' (always a popular choice when one is on the hunt for a gynaecologist or obstetrician), 'lady police officers' and the perennial butt of hilarious jokes, 'lady drivers'.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have picked up that Saima has actually not given us her strictures on women who take the wheel, but she does not have to. Even without her to enlighten us, we already have enough jokes about women who drive to fill several encyclopaedias. If by some miracle you have made it this far in life without having been treated to a single woman-driver joke, you will have inescapably found yourself sitting next to a man behind the wheel tutting at an irritating car ahead of him and spitting out the immortal words, "Bet it's an aunty."

You do not need to be either a sociologist or a mathematician to appreciate that if this tutting man is on a Karachi road, he is not only a misogynist, but is also statistically inaccurate and should probably refrain from making such careless bets. Lady doctors and lady police officers may have begun to creep up in number, but devil-may-care weaving buses and rickshaws continue to be under the sole domain of the men. Just why they are spared an irritable tut and disparaging comment from expert 'men drivers' is a mystery.

Not just in Pakistan

It would be unfair to let Pakistani men and their faithful mouthpiece Saima hog all the glory for keeping patriarchy in full bloom, because this old-as-time social phenomenon exists on a universal level. Your average Western Caucasian woman may not have to battle with in-laws who mandate she devote 200 per cent of her holidays at their home (although they may generously allow her a half-hour visit to her family one afternoon), but she has her own patriarchal headaches to deal with.

Let us once more head back to our irritated man gritting his teeth at the 'aunty' making his life hell on the road. The flipside to this argument is that if this tutting man is teleported out of Karachi suddenly finds himself on a London road during the morning school rush, his "Bet's it's an aunty" statement will no longer be a statistical error, because London school runs are the almost exclusive haunt of mothers, regardless of whether or not they have paid careers. Here in the land of supposed equality, far from the tentacles of brash in-your-face Pakistani patriarchy exists a more subtle, gentle version of this global social construct.

Regardless of whether or not they are 'working mothers' (if you must know, we crown them 'working' because their counterpart stay-at-home mothers perch on the sofa admiring their nails, do laundry by magic and and conjure meals out of thin air) continue to single-handedly carry the mental load of child rearing. Whether it is tracking down lost water bottles, forever replenishing the stock of vanishing glue sticks or knowing their child's teacher's name, it continues to fall to the woman's job description to be the default parent. When her child falls inconveniently ill on a Tuesday morning, it is she who cancels her meetings – although in the interest of balance, we must acknowledge that sometimes, a father – or 'working father', if we are to remain consistent with our labelling – may deign to 'babysit' his own child in order for the mother to make up for lost time during that ill-timed chest infection. Babysitting aside, working fathers are too high up their careers to generally care about water bottle blackholes and errant glue sticks.

For men who worry this a harsh, needless assault on salt-of-the-earth fathers who know all about where water bottles go, take heart: expert women drivers have long since been tainted by association all because a man once got stuck for five seconds on a road behind a vertically challenged woman squinting over the top of the steering wheel not daring to overtake that bus. You are not alone.

Holding up a mirror

To all the women wishing they could somehow find the time in their busy schedules to flip the script on patriarchy, there is hope up yonder. In the trenches of Facebook lies an anonymous account going only by the name of Man Who Has It All, and it is dedicated to reclaiming and reversing language so women can finally understand why men are so reluctant to give up their hold on patriarchy. "I am a very inclusive person and I like to stay informed," reads one post. "I am proud to say we now have 2 male non-executive members on board. They bring so much lived experience. It's wonderful!"

Prepared to offer an in-depth exercise labelling men the way we are so keen to do women, this anonymous author will release their satirical book Flipping Patriarchy: Imagining a gender-swapped world, available as both an e-book and paperback from March 13 onwards. Buy it out of your sans-blessings salary if you must. Because if the Facebook posts are any indication, this promises to be the book to reclaim your dignity for every supercilious side-eye every mechanic has ever given you, for every time a doctor has talked over you to your husband or brother, and most of all, for every single male driver who has blared his horn before before zooming past you like a rocket.