I voted in US elections, but

A personal reflection on voting in America and Pakistan, exploring democracy’s flaws and the power of resentment.

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When I was born in Pakistan, there was a dictator ruling over that country. He had promised to rule for only 90 days but then ended up ruling for about 11 years. And still didn't relinquish power. He was killed in an airplane crash. I learned to walk and talk when people couldn't talk very freely under the rule of that dictator called General Zia.

I was a schoolboy during the 90s when people in Pakistan had the ballot and thought they were enjoying democracy. Every 2 to 3 years, Nawaz and Benazir replaced each other in that filthy game of thrones played by invisible hands. When I reached the voting age, Pakistan again didn't have a democracy. Musharraf ruled over the nation with an iron fist supported by President Bush. I never got to participate in a democracy in Pakistan.

Dismayed by a culture of nepotism in Pakistan's job market, I ran away from fear of staying poor in Pakistan and landed in the land of opportunity. America gave me opportunities, freedom and justice. I have been one of the very fortunate ones to become a citizen of this great country. Today, America is my home and I haven't been prouder.

I have lived in this great democracy for almost 15 years now but the taste of democracy has been stale at best. I didn't know what side to support when Clinton and Trump contested in 2016. The system here didn't allow Bernie Sanders to run otherwise I'd have been rooting for him. Clinton was insulting toward Pakistan but Trump was insulting toward Muslims. It wasn't easy to pick between my sense of patriotism and faith. Both literally defined my identity.

Then came 2020. I voted for Biden not because I liked him but because I despised Trump for everything he had said about Muslims and Pakistan. Similarly, a vast majority of Biden voters voted for him because they just wanted to see Trump lose. And they were angry for their own reasons. The people weren't going to the polls for their favourite candidate but rather for the candidate they loathed. The election wasn't about whom people wanted but whom they didn't want.

As I type this article, I am also watching the news because it is Election Day in America. A few hours ago, I voted for Trump not because I like him but because I would want nothing more than to punish those who killed countless children in Gaza and who removed from power the only leader I respect in this world. That man is languishing in a jail cell in Pakistan.

Once again, I and many like me voted based on revenge, based on who we didn't wanna see in the Oval Office. That's not how democracy should be. I guess those days are over when people used to have a favourite candidate. Many years ago, I had read somewhere about the Bush vs Kerry election of 2004. A girl had decided to vote for Bush because she found him cute. I had found that to be bizarre at the time. But now I think even she was in a better place than us because she felt strongly about a certain candidate even If it was for a stupid reason.

Americans have become accustomed to voting based on hatred, anger and revenge. Anger and hatred for one candidate push them toward making an irrational voting decision. Democracy is like a zoo. It's noisy and enjoyable only from a distance and from behind a fence. Get close enough and every democracy sticks.

In America, I have the power to vote without its sanctity being violated but what I don't have is someone I want to vote for. In Pakistan, I absolutely want to vote for the man in jail but what I don't have is for the sanctity of that vote to remain intact.

I guess my tryst with the ballot is cursed.