Authenticity, communication: 'Indian Matchmaking' cast shares relationship tips for success

An exclusive conversation around love and partnership

KARACHI:

Indian Matchmaking, a popular Netflix reality show, brought to light the intricacies of arranged marriages and the challenges faced by individuals in finding a life partner. While the show received mixed reactions, it sparked conversations on dating, relationships, and marriage. Speaking exclusively to The Express Tribune, the participants in the show from various seasons shared their views on what it takes to find love and build a successful partnership.

Being genuine in all relationships

Viral Joshi, a participant in the second and third seasons of Indian Matchmaking, who found love in the form of Aashay with Sima Taparia’s help in the former installment, remained a steadfast believer in the checklist she had in mind on the show. For her, staying true to what she wanted to be stemmed from a desire to be authentic to herself.

"Being disingenuous to the self during the rishta (relationship) process will only hurt oneself," states Viral. "All the items on my ‘checklist’ were important to me. Being authentic and comfortable with myself allowed me to be that way with Sima aunty, and ultimately, lead me to a loving partner in a genuine relationship.”

“Authenticity of self will be the biggest tool for success for anyone going through the rishta (relationship) process,” states another Indian Matchmaking veteran, Aparna Shewakramani. “When we are happy with the life, we are building for ourselves, we make more room for a partner who is on the same page and who can join us in that beautiful journey.”

“I strongly feel,” begins Pradhyuman Maloo, a fan favourite, whose quest for love spanned two seasons, “that authenticity to yourself is a key component when you are in the process of moving towards marriage, as it helps put the boxes together for what you seek in your potential partner. It’s very critical to be able to understand yourself better, as well [as] to know beforehand what sort of things one is willing to compromise on along with the aspects that are strictly a deal breaker.”

Communication as the foundation of a successful partnership

All participants that spoke to The Express Tribune agreed that communication is the foundation of any successful partnership. Partners should be able to openly share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, anger, or the bond breaking. Shital emphasized the need to be comfortable with having tough conversations, as it deepens the bond between partners and allows for growing together. While all relationships can have communication, South Asian relationships place emphasis on pairings of shared culture and values.

“Communication is the foundation to any successful partnership,” begins Viral. “Partners should be able to openly share their thoughts and feelings with one another without any fear of the bond breaking, judgment, or anger. [Moreover], I think shared culture and values [are] really important. All relationships can have communication, but I think how South Asian relationships differ is that they place emphasis on pairings of a shared culture.”

Shital Patel, who was first seen in season 2 of the Netflix series, too, places emphasis on the need for communication, and “being comfortable with having tough conversations.” “I think that even if you come from a similar background as your partner,” she says, “no two people have had the same experience. Learning to communicate effectively deepens the bond between partners and allows for a space of growing together.”

For Viral Joshi, being authentic to herself was the key to finding love. She had a checklist of what she wanted in a partner, and she did not compromise on it. According to Viral, being disingenuous to oneself during the rishta process would only hurt oneself. Shital Patel echoed the same sentiment, stating that bringing one's genuine self to any relationship must be cultivated within oneself first. Authenticity to oneself is critical to understanding oneself better and knowing what one seeks in a potential partner. Aparna also emphasized the importance of being happy with the life one is building for oneself, which makes room for a partner who is on the same page.

Showing kindness to yourself

Viral acknowledged the pressure she put on herself to make dates successful, which was not worth it. She learned to be kinder to herself and acknowledge that not every date would be a match, which was okay.

“I think I used to always put a lot of pressure on myself to make the dates I went on to be successful,” says Viral. “So many people around me were getting engaged or had boyfriends. The stress I put myself under was not worth it. If I had to date differently, I would be kinder to myself and acknowledge that I can still go out and have a great time with someone and it not be a match, and that’s [okay]. Because, the person meant for you will find you. I also want to emphasise [that] dating is not a competition.”

Shital did not settle for anything less than 100% in her life partner and was happy she stuck to what she believed she deserved. “I don’t aim for 60% to 70% in my professional life, my relationships, with friends, and family, so why would I settle for anything less than 100% in my life partner? questions Shital, while addressing Sima auntie’s mantra regarding compromise. “It must be the type A in me. I am happy I stuck to what I believed I deserved, because in the end I did get 100% with my current partner.”

Aparna emphasized personal agency, which remains the most important part of any process one takes part in. She continues to build a life she is proud of and search for her partner while living life on her own terms, outside of societal pressures.

“I remain open to meeting my partner in any situation in which I have the ultimate decision-making in whether that person is the right person for me,” states Aparna. “Personal agency remains the most important part of any process I take part in.”

“Like all women, I am multi-faceted, even if that is not shown on an edited show,” she continues. “I am a daughter, sister, loving friend, and now bestselling author. I am building a life I am proud of and continue to search for my partner. My desire is to continue living a life on my own terms, outside of what society pressures women to do, be, and achieve.”

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