Hideous cars, terrible engines

Considering the turbulent situation of the country at the moment, we need entertainment in our everyday lives and those who can afford it look to their cars and 4x4s for it. Yes, I know, people need food and water right now, not cars. But this one is for all the car enthusiasts out there. It is said that the love between a man and his car can only be understood by those who have felt it.

Unfortunately, the automobile manufacturing sector in Pakistan is below mediocre. And despite its mediocrity, its weekly hobby is to bump up car and 4x4 prices because the rupee is depreciating. Justified. But have they ever tried improving the quality of their cars too? Ever tried adhering to international standards and giving more than 2 airbags? I don’t want to spend 10 million and buy a car which is aesthetically in a shambles and visually ugly. I won’t name brands because they’ll reach out to me seeking legal justification for my comments. The same time, they could instead have been spending giving us something like front and rear parking sensors? Or maybe more comfortable rear seats (if you know, you know).

Maybe for a change, car manufacturers can try giving us a six-cylinder engine instead of the same 4 cylinder, labelling it as more ‘efficient’ when it’s the same engine block with just another computer attached to it. They can also attempt at providing quality after-sales services? If my unreasonably expensive car’s rear camera is going to suddenly stop working, I don’t want to hear excuses, I want my problem solved. If I am going to pay 8 to 9 million, wait 8 months and then receive a defected car, I’d rather just buy a car from the late 1990s which will have better build quality, a bigger engine and will be more reliable than all the modern plastic cans being built these days. And it’ll look prettier too.

Such is the abysmal quality of the recent vehicles that due to break booster issues, a renowned Japanese car manufacturer in Pakistan had to recall its models citing safety concerns.

Another wasteful manufacturer producing embarrassing SUVs in Pakistan (let’s call them DIA) recalled 14,000 of its units amidst the concern that technical failures resulted in their ‘SUVs’ catching fires. Firstly, they aren’t SUVs, they are defective pieces of engineering coupled with dilapidated designing. Secondly, this horrid looking crossover comes with a two-wheel drive option. Why not just give a four-wheel drive option if you are going to advertise it as a ‘rugged crossover ready for adventure’? What adventure? Dropping your kids off to school kind of adventure?

What happened to the six-cylinder and eight-cylinder petrol engine cars which were also luxury sedans and did not cost an arm and a leg? What happened to big diesel engines which did not look like squished beetles?

And of-course, unpopular opinion, why is the Prius still being legally sold and what kind of people still prefer buying a car which not only oozes self-righteousness but is the biggest weapon used by environmentalists to continue making money from nonprofit organisations? As Jeremy Clarkson said for the Prius. “It is a cynical marketing exercise for the gullible and the stupid.” Can’t disagree.

Similarly, why are people advocating for electric cars? Do they want to run out of juice before they reach their destination? And who is still revving their 660cc cars in the fast lane? It’s all a futile exercise. The world needs more happiness and that means cars need to sound better, look better and have bigger engines. Yes, I understand not everyone can afford them and our country does not have the capital, infrastructure and everything else to cater to these needs but did our country EVER have any of these things?

Life is too short to drive a boring vehicle. Get your children into cars and 4x4s, that way, they won’t ever have money for drugs and they won’t grow up as glue-sniffers.

Published in The Express Tribune, February 15^th, 2023.

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