Five tips for staying friends with your ex

Just because the romance is gone, doesn’t mean you have to lose a friend as well

Breakups can be extremely painful, and understandably so. Not only is it the end of a romantic relationship, but, in certain cases, you also lose out on a friendship that you have worked incredibly hard to build and nurture. However, the latter isn’t always necessary. Sometimes, if both the ex-partners are on the same page, the former couple can work towards keeping the friendship intact, free of any romantic expectations.

There are some ground rules to this, though. Firstly, if either one of you still harbours romantic feelings for the other, the ‘just staying friends’ thing probably won’t work. Also, if the relationship was full of negativity, such as that with a toxic ex-partner, then the person is best left in the past.

However, if you and your ex-partner have done the work and have healed from the relationship, and having the other person in your life enriches it in some way, then working to stay friends with them is actually a good idea. Here’s five tips on how to keep the friendship intact after a romantic breakup.
 

1. Give yourself time to heal

Breakups can take a serious emotional toll on a person. Regardless of whether you were the one who initiated the breakup or not, chances are you’ll be feeling pretty upset after the relationship ends. Since our significant others become such a huge part of our daily routines, having them no longer in our lives leaves us feeling empty and alone. Give yourself time to heal from these feelings so that, when you get back to being friends with your ex, you don’t give in to habit and end up slipping back into a relationship.  

2. Make sure there are no lingering romantic feelings 

If you or your ex-partner is initiating a friendship in the hopes of getting back together, staying friends probably won’t work. Make sure you have cleared away all the leftover romance before going back to being friends, otherwise it will just get messy. You may end up working things out and getting back together, but one of you may also end up getting hurt.   

3. Have an honest conversation 

It is necessary to clear the air and be open about any grievances you have. If you feel like your ex-partner was unfair to you or caused you pain, it is best to talk about it so that you can start a friendship with a clean slate. Otherwise, the negative feelings may fester and come to the surface in a moment of anger, and that’s something you don’t want! 

4. Set boundaries 

Know what is good for the friendship and what isn’t. If you feel like spending too much time alone with your ex may reignite your feelings, meet them in group settings. Also, make sure you understand that they are not your partner anymore and can date other people. If seeing them with someone else makes you upset, a friendship may not be the best way to go.  

5. Take things slow 

Let’s be real, you probably won’t go back to being BFFs two days after the breakup. Know that healing and rebuilding a friendship takes time. There may come a time when you both laugh about the relationship, but chances are that won’t happen until you are both healed and happy in your respective lives. So, give it time.