Scorn Republic: The Ladies Who Lunch

In the never ending rat race of popularity, the growing uppercrust of Pakistan welcomes a new flock of women every few years. It’s a phenomenon that’s both intricately plotted yet enigmatic. The winners are the social “it-girls” who get invited and spotted everywhere, without whose loud guffaws no party is deemed a success, and the losers are the social pariahs who are either the has-beens or not yet accepted into the fold of the snooty cliques popularly known as “committee groups”.

Committees are an aged old process that came about because people didn’t have easy access to, or knowledge of how bank accounts worked and there was a very negative connotation attached to “interest earnings.” Committees were seen as a community money saving way to earn a lump-sum by pooling a set sum often between a set number of people, who would then via ballot take turns drawing the total amount collected every month. The method worked and helped thousands if not millions of low and middle income households save money for essentials to large-budget spendings; from education or wedding expenses, to less pertinent purchases of washing machines, televisions etc. This model trickled upwards to a more ‘comfortable’ strata of society slowly and now is by and large, a widely used tool to socialise, throw extravagant parties and befriend peers, none of which helps with professional growth or financial health.

The latest wave of committee aunties are cookie-cutter blondes with expensive shoes and bags, loud laughs and a penchant for squeezing thirty-odd people into one selfie. Bonus points if they get the wait-staff of the establishment where they’re lunching to take the pictures, and at least three of the ladies have their legs hind-raised to show-off their latest heels in an almost dog-peeing position! Popular establishments now have at least one waiter who has honed his professional photography skills by taking aesthetic pictures of very demanding women, all wanting to look lean and tall, from various smartphones.

The upper-crust “aristocratic” crowd of women have now morphed committees into a competitive sport. Who wore what, who threw the most expensive luncheon, who belongs to how many committee groups etc! What’s worse is, that to “belong” to the popular circles, one must now conform to these ridiculous standards which are convincingly passed on to the rich husbands as hare-brained schemes to save money in an unconventional way, whereas it’s neither economically nor financially a smart way to actually save. Given that a large sum is contributed every month, and subsequently thousands of bucks are spent in getting dressed up for, and throwing lavish committee meet-ups, the amount collected every 12 months by the winning ballot is interest free, depreciated in value over time and only a fraction of what any real-time earnings would have been, had the same amount been banked or invested into a financial vessel. But banks don’t offer the same gossip-fueled, glitzy and glamorous settings for networking amongst women who schmooze each other in person and back-bite viciously behind. In other words, banks skip on the fun of it all.

What’s perhaps the funniest part of this mysterious phenomenon, is that increasingly, women are getting involved in couples committees too. Recently Karachi hosted a large-sum committee titled “power couples committee”, which largely consisted of a bunch of cougar, social climbing women, their literally broke (second or third) husbands, and a host who lives off of bank-loan money stashed away from a cement factory that went belly up in the mid-90’s, but spends lots of cash because what else is she going to do with it, except use it to make friends and become socially acceptable after her much tainted reputation as a known home-wrecker and friend-stealer. But that’s another story for another time, one that I will tell in detail, I promise.

When is the FBR going to check up on these ridiculous spenders? Another Lahore lady staged a dacoity in her own home, because she was behind on committee payments and saw no way out except to steal from herself without her husband suspecting any foul-play. Such is the desperation to belong to crowds that host dinners and parties often. And this is just in the last few months. There has been committee foul play for ages. Since this form of “saving” is done in cash transactions, there is no paper trail and very often, well established committee-runners have upped and ran off with large sums of collected money, to never be seen or heard from again, with no legal repercussions, because there is no evidence, so no crime has been committed, as per the law.

The committee itself is a useful tool for the working class, lower income groups and those who desperately need to save small amounts of money for essentials. However, for the ones with high net worths, it is poor money management, even if it is a way to keep the wifey happy spending some tainted cash, while the husband galivants off around the globe on his own questionable adventures.

In all of this stinking, heaving mess, we have a crop of women who will sell their kidneys on the black market and their firstborn to the devil, to belong, to be known, to be well-liked for their schmoozing and to be invited so they can be seen everywhere that “matters”. Their kids, husbands, family can go to hell, as long as they have enough invitations to keep their months meaninglessly occupied, living by the mantra “You can’t choose family, but you can choose friends...” Their choices are glaringly obvious, they choose their friends over everything important in life. Most of the ones seen are fairly new additions to the scene, as the old ones retire quietly or fade into oblivion after having their day in the sun.

And there we have it, the desperate need of social acceptance, blended with not-so-smart financial excuses, the magical, mythical promise to save large sums and having fun while doing so!