Super flood blamed on lasers, a cruel Pathan

Published: August 8, 2011
Hollywood star and UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie visiting people displaced by the floods at the Kandaro II Camp in Nowshera. PHOTO: AFP/FILE

Hollywood star and UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie visiting people displaced by the floods at the Kandaro II Camp in Nowshera. PHOTO: AFP/FILE

DERA GHAZI KHAN: Last year’s floods, which affected around 20 million people across the country, weren’t a natural disaster – they were a mistake on the part of our government.

The government, in its effort to produce water, melted glaciers in the north using lasers. The experiment went awry and things got out of control, bringing forth the worst floods in the history of Pakistan.

You might dismiss the aforementioned as absurd, but this is precisely what most people ardently believe in flood-hit areas from Muzaffargarh to Rajanpur.

Though a year has passed since the floods hit and rehabilitation work is under way, locals in stricken areas still believe in conspiracy theories.

“Not just the common people but elected representatives of our areas have time and again said that lasers were used to melt glaciers and the water went out of control,” a local in Muzaffargarh, Malik Mureed, told The Express Tribune.

Mureed isn’t the only one thus convinced – almost everybody in his village thinks along the same lines and blames the government for experimenting at the cost of people’s lives.

“We can’t produce electricity even up to our installed capacity due to managerial issues but we’re efficient enough to think about melting glaciers,” quipped an electrical engineer working with Wapda while dismissing the theories making the rounds.

“Nobody knows the source of these theories but they keep circulating them,” he said.

Blaming the Pathan, the foreigners

Another theory popular in areas around DG Khan blames the floods on a Pathan from northern areas who threw his infant into boiling water. His tribe did not punish him and a jirga let him go scot-free, incurring the wrath of nature.

While fewer people buy this story, there are still hundreds who believe in it, a local journalist in DG Khan said.

Some blame the floods on foreign powers, believing that Pakistan’s ‘enemies’ threw ‘some chemicals’ on clouds through satellites, resulting in heavy showers and floods.

The theory’s proponents argue that by doing so, the ‘enemies’ succeeded in sending a lot of foreign NGO workers in Pakistan to further their interests.”

Another explanation blames the government for deliberately flooding the area around DG on the ‘desire of an influential, local political family’.

Moon’s Seraiki speech

Despite the floods being an awfully harsh time, people from the areas still recall some moments from that time they cherished.

For the people of Kot Addu, one such moment is when UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon visited the area and delivered a speech in Seraiki.

“Many people still recall his speech with great enthusiasm,” said Muhammad Azam, a resident of Kot Addu who heard the speech.

People were pleasantly shocked to find a ‘gora’ deliver a written speech in Seraiki, he said.

“He made many mistakes but nobody minded that. He was the most celebrated speaker in the flood days,” he added.

Handshake with Jolie

Locals in Muzaffargarh also recall a meeting between the then-DCO and Hollywood star Angelina Jolie who visited the area.

Locals say he shook hands with her but didn’t let go of her hand while speaking to her until another officer reminded him to let go of it.

“Many people didn’t know who Jolie was but they were surprised to see their ‘excited’ DCO who wanted to show her around himself,” a local said.

Published in The Express Tribune, August 8th, 2011.

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Reader Comments (25)

  • Ex Pakistani
    Aug 8, 2011 - 9:40AM

    Am I suppose to take this seriously?


  • Hardcore Pakistani
    Aug 8, 2011 - 11:22AM

    @ ex pakistani–> this news aint for you mate!! you chill!


  • nafisa mubarak
    Aug 8, 2011 - 11:30AM

    Ignorance is a bliss? Or perhaps the minds are on Over Drive.


  • A J Khan
    Aug 8, 2011 - 11:32AM

    “Another theory popular in areas around DG Khan blames the floods on a Pathan from northern areas who threw his infant into boiling water”.
    Hate is blind. Pashtuns are awlays a sore in the eye of Punjabies though they have been screwed more by Balochs in Balochistan and Mohajirs in Karachi.


  • Aug 8, 2011 - 11:34AM

    Yea you thought this is funny but check this out:

    These consipiracy theories actually do make sense. Not that anyone should believe em but such technology does exist. So next time you ‘mock’ something do some homework.


  • J Oberoi
    Aug 8, 2011 - 11:38AM

    I would love to know what the average IQ of the people is in this region!! I have a dozen bridges to sell to these folks.


  • Aristo
    Aug 8, 2011 - 11:46AM

    @A J Khan:

    Hate mongering is a national past time, I guess. You need to grow up.


  • Aug 8, 2011 - 11:57AM

    And what about the HARRP theory, educated and well-off people in Islamabad do believe on this theory that this was an experiment initiated by HARRP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program), a climate research station in Alaska. The detailed conspiracy theory on this link, The paranoia we people are so prone to.


  • Ibrar Ahmed Kunri
    Aug 8, 2011 - 12:03PM

    That was HAARP due to which flood came and search regarding it, you will get to know.


  • Khushdil Khan
    Aug 8, 2011 - 12:57PM

    You better give this advice to the people of your area who makes such hate mongering stories.


  • Khushdil Khan
    Aug 8, 2011 - 1:00PM

    @A J Khan:
    I agree with you. The hate is so natural and they can’t do without it. There most seasoned leadership and media is also suffering from Pashtunophobia.


  • as
    Aug 8, 2011 - 1:07PM

    Anglelina Jolie has never visited the flood hit areas of South Punjab. Pathan myth is related to earth quake not for flood. South Punjab is not so ignorant as it is described. There is only one conspiracy theory that Punjab CM’s senior advisor Khosa has directed to breach Tounsa band in order to protect his sugarcane crop. However high court tribunal’s report has ended this conspiracy as well. There should be difference between drawing room reporting and field reportingRecommend

  • sam
    Aug 8, 2011 - 2:29PM

    i guess they need a zaid hamid to tell them that floods were an indian afghan conspiracy covertly supported by mossad and cia.


  • Faran Khan
    Aug 8, 2011 - 3:43PM

    Come on these are still theories, wait and see when it becomes LAWs, but do you know when a theory become a LAW…!!!???


  • Imran
    Aug 8, 2011 - 3:47PM

    ‘Aqal nai tay mojan he mojan’, holds true for Pakistan.


  • Long Standing
    Aug 8, 2011 - 4:30PM

    ..Inspite of adversities these people have not lost their sense of humor…


  • guest-worker
    Aug 8, 2011 - 4:47PM

    its not as far-fetched as it seems. extremely large mirrors can focus sun on the glaciers. lasers are still not powerful enuf


  • Aug 8, 2011 - 6:01PM


    Please correct his fact. Jolie never visited southern Punjab. Please think and collect facts before filing the storyNo you are a sane man and never known about the facts while filing his report. ——————–I think, it’s enough for you guy.Recommend

  • Xang Xang
    Aug 8, 2011 - 6:16PM

    Wow where is common sense vacationing these days? Its sad enough to see the locals of these areas believe in such ridiculous stories but its understandable as many of them probably haven’t even seen the face of a primary school but what really saddens me is the HAARP comments here written by educated Pakistanis! Most renowned Pakistani scientists have completely debunked and discredited the HAARP conspiracy that was doing the rounds – most famously Pervez Hoodbhoy – who is more well-versed in science than any of the perpetrators of this HAARP nonsense. Our ability as a nation to look inwards for the causes of our troubles has diminished so much that now we’ve even started blaming natural disasters on fantasy enemies and their sci-fi technologies!


  • narayana murthy
    Aug 8, 2011 - 6:25PM

    How many people (educated), here, often comment that India waged wars in 1965 and 1971 and Pakistan won (at least the 1965 war and the Kargil war)?!!!

    When textbooks teach lies, what’s the big deal about poor people, believing in conspiracy theories. BBC reported last year that many people believed that India was behind the floods (same as the chemicals from satellites stories). So, no surprises.


  • Roshan
    Aug 8, 2011 - 8:53PM

    @ as + Reporter

    Jolie went to Kot Addu for a brief period after floods. Videos available on youtube. Find and get the record straight.



    Kot Addu.


  • Anonymous
    Aug 9, 2011 - 12:02PM

    How much energy is required to melt the mass of water that can cause floods? At least have some scientific basis. Any back of the envelope calculations?


  • Theodora
    Aug 11, 2011 - 3:50AM

    I’m glad to see people are being rational. It’s obviously true that the government uses lasers to melt icebergs, and foreigners are dumping chemicals on clouds. And Cornelius Fudge makes goblin pies and rides Blibbering Humdingers and is a part of the Rotfang Conspiracy. And worst of all, the tooth fairy has teamed up with Rumpelstiltskin to stop the leprechauns from putting gold and Skittles at the end of the rainbow.

    Come ON, people. Even Luna Lovegood wouldn’t believe this. Okay, she would, but that’s exactly why YOU shouldn’t.
    Wanna know what happens when you dump chemicals on clouds? Chemicals fall to the ground. It’s like trying to cut fog with scissors. It doesn’t work.

    And since when do you give every hot girl who ever made it in front of the big screen the status of “ambassador,” goodwill or otherwise? Oh, yeah, since common sense moved permanently to Narnia.


  • Imran Ahmed Khan
    Aug 13, 2011 - 4:50AM

    @Theodora you are spot on.

    Fellow Khans,stop trying to pick a meaningless fight with imaginary foes.


  • Aug 15, 2011 - 6:17PM

    Infact the Abbotabadis are more infatuated about Pathans and enjoy writing it with their ‘hindko anchestry’ and kindly visit the town that was hiding Osama Bin Laden and recently more indopak crimes come to vision.the evening of earthquakes there was a nasty party going on…

    Pathans are not haters thing!


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