I have been married for the past eight years and have two children. It was an arranged marriage and we live in the Middle East. Right from the initial days of our marriage I have been fighting with my husband over silly reasons. Not only that but I used to unnecessarily involve my parents and they would interfere in our marital problems, obviously taking my side.
My husband was always very loving and caring towards me and regularly used to ask me not to pick up unnecessary fights with him but I never paid heed to his words and kept up with my aggressive, rude and abusive behaviour. I always used to take him for granted believing he would keep on putting up with my bad behaviour and never ever leave me. In short, I never gave him the respect which he deserved as my husband and as a person.
But now, after eight years of marriage, my husband has had enough. He wants to end this marriage and is taking steps to get a divorce. I, of course, don’t want a divorce and have tried everything in my power – pleading with him, begging him and even threatening him – to keep him from getting one. But he is adamant and knowing him plus how things have been between us for the past many years I know he will definitely end this marriage. And I have got only myself to blame for this.
I definitely want to save my marriage and not be divorced. But my husband is in no mood to compromise. I don’t know what to do. How should I persuade him? How should I keep my marriage intact? Please help me.
Dear Ungrateful Wife,
I am sorry to know about the situation you currently are in. It must truly be very disturbing and upsetting for you to be going through this experience of having your home being broken up, ending of your marital relationship and your husband taking steps to leave you forever.
To be honest with you, there isn’t much that can be done in this case. You have already tried everything to convince your husband – pleading, begging and threatening – but he is adamant to divorce you. Did you try involving the elders of your families? Did you speak to his parents and ask them to make him reconsider? How about promising him that you will visit a relationship/marriage counselor and do your utmost best not to screw up in the future? Although the chances are quite slim but maybe if he sees that you are ready to take any and every step to ensure that you won’t repeat your past mistakes which you made in your marriage, he might relent and give you another chance. But like I said the chances of that happening are quite slim.
It takes two people to keep a marriage intact and if your husband has made up his mind of not staying in this marriage then sadly there is not much you can do. That means he most probably will go ahead and get a divorce.
It is true that many a times we don’t really appreciate or are grateful for someone in our life till they are gone. Hard and cruel as it may sound, please let this be a lesson in your life and learn from it for your future relationships. Never ever take anyone for granted. You never know when they might no longer be in your life.
I would like to point out something here. You mentioned that you have been fighting with your husband ever since your married him. Have you ever tried analysing why you did this? Were you against this marriage and got married to your husband under the pressure of your family? Or did you want to marry someone else and things didn’t work out with him and you ended up marrying your husband? Whatever the reason may be, the fact is that you were never happy with him thus the picking up of constant fights with him unnecessarily. Then in a way isn’t it better that this marriage is ending? It will relieve you of the unhappiness, frustration, anger, etc. that was inside you all these years which made you pick up fights with your husband. I strongly believe that for you to move on and be successful in your future relationships you seriously need to introspect and figure out why you treated your husband the way you did.
In the end, all I can do is pray and hope that your husband thinks this through once again and decides to give this marriage one more chance.
All the best!
Asad is a counsellor, life coach, inspirational speaker and a personal-development expert. He advises on social, personal and emotional issues. You can send him your questions for this weekly column at [email protected] with “Ask Asad” mentioned in the subject line and provide as many details as possible.
Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Express Tribune.