Ask Asad: My mother turned down my marriage proposal because an astrologer asked her to. What is my fault?

The guy I am in love with told me that he wants to marry me but not against the wishes of our parents

Dear Asad,

I am a 24-year-old girl, doing MPhil. Two years back, I met a guy with a decent job and family. His family is nice and respectable too. We both fell in love with each other soon and wanted to marry each other. He sent his proposal to my home through his parents. His parents visited my place a couple of times and eventually asked my parents for my hand in marriage for their son.

However, before giving them an answer, my mother approached an astrologer she knew and asked him about his opinion. After some 'calculations', he warned her against the marriage proposal claiming that I would end up as a divorcee within three months. Because of my mother’s superstitious beliefs, she turned down the proposal. 



We both were, needless to say, devastated. He sent his parents again to my place and tried to convince my mother but she acted strange and lied that she had turned down the proposal because she did an Istakhara and its result was negative. However, his parents told my mother that they would still be interested if she changed her mind.

When I spoke to my mother and insisted that I want to marry him, she created a scene and started beating herself. At this, my father also got upset and they both started accusing me of not being an obedient daughter.

The guy I am in love with felt depressed when I shared the details with him. He told me that he wants to marry me but not against the wishes of our parents. I love my parents but I love him too and I do not want to lose him when I know that we will be happy together. I am unable to think clearly. I am trying to survive without him but I am extremely unhappy. I just cry during nights and at the same time, I pray a lot but nothing is going in our favour. I think I am dying from the inside. Please help.

A victim of astrology

 

Dear victim of astrology,

It is sad but many people, like your mother, take astrology seriously and believe in it to achieve a predictive mechanism to human behaviour and events. Unfortunately, such people even take important life decisions after speaking to their astrologers. They choose their careers, spouses and even places to work and live after consulting them. You are a victim of astrology too.



Astrologers are usually quacks who take advantage of the innocence of the public and extort benefits from them, usually of a financial nature, by spinning yarns about the future. People, with a desire to improve their situations, fall for their claims and without even thinking rationally, act on their advice. Our destiny is determined by the choices we make. One of those choices can certainly be to stop believing in astrology. We cannot have a good or bad fortune on a certain day just because an astrologer thinks so.

Following facts might be helpful as you try to convince your mother for the marriage proposal.

Look up the history of astrology

One way to change your mother’s stance is to learn from where astrology comes from, to begin with. Doing a little research about how the study was developed and how it was used in the history will help you show your mother that astrology is just a pseudoscience and has nothing to do with the reality.

Basis of astrology is constantly changing

Because the planets regularly change their positions, these cycles in fact never actually repeat themselves, making each person an absolute individual. Astrology can therefore never capture the breadth of a personality and destiny of a single person.



Reasoning behind astrology is questionable

Astrology operates on the principle that a person's behaviour is based on how they were born instead of who they are. The date of birth is important here. More than seven billion people live on this planet. The population is increasing every second so how people born in the same month can have the same destiny. Also, think yourself that just why planets, stars and the sun would be intimately involved in your daily affairs. They are mass bodies doing what they are physically capable of, and that certainly does not include steering the events of your life. Astrology cannot predict people's personality, and in turn, cannot predict people's compatibility with each other.

Too good to be true

If astrology was indeed so accurate, its predictive value would have been extremely high – financially and otherwise – but, historically, that has not been the case.

Astrologers are also humans

Human beings are a lot more complex than any astrologer could ever dream of. Astrologers, like any of us, have no concrete proof or the idea of what will happen in the future. They play with our superstition natures and pawn false beliefs for their own benefits.

You can change your own luck

We cannot control the circumstances in our life but we can control how we react to them and what we can do about it. This is far more important than being lucky or unlucky. Everyone has to deal with bad luck and some people, unfortunately, face it more than others do. We have powers to face them with a positive attitude, and of making plans to improve our states.



Don’t be a victim of superstition

When making your decisions, rely on common sense and a sound pattern of reasoning as opposed to astrology and supernatural signs. Let reasons govern your choices, not superstition. Many people believe in superstition because they think their lives are filled with bad luck everywhere they turn, and that they need to follow certain superstition to ward off the bad luck. This is just a matter of their mind set. It has nothing to do with the reality of their lives.

You should know that you can make good things happen instead of being a victim to fake rituals. Astrology only works because we choose to falsely believe in its inherent charm and power.

I cannot assure you that when you will speak to your mother, she will understand you and be convinced. In fact, the opposite might happen as she refused to budge from her stance and anything that is contrary to what her astrologer has told her. She might stick to her false beliefs about the veracity of astrology. Nevertheless, there is no harm in trying.

All the best

Asad

 

Asad is a counsellor, life coach, inspirational speaker and a personal-development expert. He advises on social, personal and emotional issues. You can send him your questions for this weekly column at [e-mail] with “Ask Asad” mentioned in the subject line and provide as many details as possible.

Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Express Tribune.