Ask Asad: With no interest in life anymore at 29, I feel depressed all the time. What should I do?

I had experienced the same feelings when I was 19 and there was a time when I did not want to live anymore

Dear Asad,

I am a 29-year-old single guy. Currently, I am working at a well-reputed company and earning quite well. Just recently, I was fully enjoying my professional life because I liked my job. I believed that I am handsome and educated, living a healthy life without any sort of addictions. I felt fit both mentally and physically. However, I have now started encountering a problem that I had faced a couple of years ago. 



When I was only 19, suddenly I lost all the interest in life and there was a time when I did not want to live anymore. This bizarre feeling lasted for quite some time but later, I made sure that I am super busy in studies. Gradually, the very feeling of depression faded away. Now, after 10 years, the same feeling has surrounded me again. I feel like I am physically and mentally present in a moment but at the same time, I am lost somewhere else. With no interest in life anymore, I feel depressed all the time. Please help me!

A depressed guy

 

Dear depressed guy,

I wish you had written more details about the depression you are going through and the intensity of it. In addition, it would have been better if you could have told me about how long this depressive state normally lasts. Are there any particular triggers for this depression and if you are aware of them or not? These details would have allowed me to help you better.

What I have surmised from your short letter is that you are experiencing bouts of depression – most probably clinical depression. Here is how you should deal with it.

Find out the triggers of your depression

Generally, there are always reasons for us to feel the way we do. How we feel is never without a reason. It is another story that we might not be fully aware of the reasons why they occur. Therefore, first, you need to try to find out the reasons that are making you lose interest in your life and thus, making you depressed. Perhaps it is a lack of challenges in your life. You have mentioned that when you first experienced this condition, you were 19 and that it went away after you occupied yourself with studies. Since you have an easy routine in life without anything challenging (physically or mentally) in it, this could be also a reason for your depression.



Depression could be hereditary

Yes, this could be true in your case that your depression is a hereditary mental health issue. Look around your biological family. Are there other depressed people? If so, then this could also be a reason for you to feel lost and have no interest in life.

Talk to a therapist

Going for a therapy to kill depression can be quite helpful. A therapist will not be able to solve all your problems instantly, but they can help you learn to guide yourself, refer you to a psychiatrist if needed (for medication), and provide a support through tough times. Your therapist may also be able to connect you with a group therapy, which can also provide social support if you do not have friends or family to count on.

Note: If you choose to see a therapist, make sure they are qualified to work with depressed people and with whom you feel comfortable.

Educate yourself

A good start towards fixing a problem should be through research and knowledge about it. Informational support can help depressed individuals cope with difficult situations. ‘Psychoeducation’ is the specific term for becoming educated about a particular depression. You can ask your therapist for psychoeducation about your depression and work it into your treatment plan. Get books, research articles, watch documentaries, and conduct internet searches to learn more about your specific condition.

Share your feelings

Emotional support is an important coping resource for dealing with depression. This is because it helps to release your emotions in the company of others instead of bottling them up, which can lead to an outburst or a breakdown. Talk to people whom you trust and are your well-wishers. If you feel even worse than usual, having a relative or a friend to listen and support you – even by just by being there – can save your life. Sometimes, it is hard to get started when you are depressed but there is no shame in sharing your feelings with your loved ones.



Cultivate healthy relationships

Studies have found that the quality of your relationships with partners, families, and friends is a significant risk factor in major depression. People in unhealthy relationships, or who miss a support system around them, have more than double the risk of suffering from depression than those with healthy relationships. Identifying and eliminating unhealthy relationships may help in dealing with it.

Healthy associations are respectful, trusting, collaborative, and accepting. They involve physical affection, open communication and fairness. While unhealthy associations are typically intimidating, humiliating, threatening, dominating, judging, and blaming. They are also linked with abuse (verbal, physical, sexual) and possessiveness. Take an inventory of your current friendships and relationships. Are there individuals who bring you down or criticise you? Perhaps they do more harm than good. Consider if you need to create distance in unhealthy relationships, or build new ones.

Set goals

In order to tackle depression, you must have a plan since setting goals is an important component of a therapy to reduce symptoms of depression.

Ask yourself what you want to achieve while dealing with depression. How do you want to deal your depression? Do you want it to be less severe? Do you want to learn new coping strategies? Be specific and set time-limited (one week, one month, six months) attainable goals. For instance, completely eradicating your depression in a month may be an unrealistic task. However, reducing your depression on a scale of 1-10 (ten being most depressed, and one not at all depressed) from nine to seven may be more attainable.



Increase pleasurable activities

How one chooses to cope with depression will rely on specific stressors, culture, personal resources, and unique social situation. Some examples of good activities include reading, watching movies, writing, painting, sculpting, playing with animals, cooking, playing music, gardening, etc. Add pleasurable activities in your daily routine. Spiritual and religious practices, if you are inclined, have also been shown to reduce depression.

Exercise

Physical activity is strongly associated with reduced levels of depression. Exercise can even help depression in spite of medical problems and negative life events. Do any exercise you can, for instance, walking, running, biking, using an elliptical, hiking, or weight lifting. Try fun exercises you may not have tried before such as Zumba, dance aerobics, yoga, pilates, kayaking, water rafting, etc.

Use mindfulness or meditation

Mindfulness-based meditation may help increase well-being and reduce depression. Mindfulness is all about being in the current moment. It is about focusing on with what you are currently engaged in, instead of ruminating over the past or worrying about what might happen tomorrow.

Ground yourself

Grounding exercises or distraction techniques are useful if you need to temporarily distract yourself from your emotional pain. Grounding enables you to take a break from feeling depressed and ruminating and focus on something else. Try a mental grounding technique of naming all of the cities, colours, or animals you can think of (from A to Z). Engage in a physical grounding exercise such as running cold water over your hands, taking a bath, or petting an animal.

I hope the above-mentioned steps will help you fighting depression and the feelings associated with it.

 

All the best!

Asad

 

Asad is a counsellor, life coach, inspirational speaker and a personal-development expert. He advises on social, personal and emotional issues. You can send him your questions for this weekly column at [e-mail] with “Ask Asad” mentioned in the subject line and provide as many details as possible.

Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Express Tribune.