I am new to this Facebook group; I just joined because my friend got free pizza after complaining about a restaurant. PHOTO: REUTERS
Hello,
I am new to this Facebook group. I just joined because my friend got a free pizza after complaining here so I have joined in hopes of getting the same. I would like to thank the creators of this group for giving us an opportunity to exploit businesses. I know they probably created it just to promote their friends’ restaurants and make money by promoting food that nobody actually likes but still.
Please don’t criticise my language skills. I am not here to give my SAT – I just want my free pizza. My English may not be that good but it is still better than my morals.
Also, please don’t add me on Facebook. Unless, you are a girl – provided you are not a girl who just wants a slice of my free pizza. Only looking for true love; I cannot stand people who lie just to get free food.
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So, yesterday was the most special day ever for my family. After going hungry for weeks we finally managed to save enough money to celebrate the birth of my four children, my father’s birthday and my spouse’s promotion. We had to sell the fifth child just to get enough money to eat out.
We went to the restaurant and noticed right away how rude the staff was – they said we would have to wait for the table as other people were sitting and eating food. If a restaurant cannot cater to the demand by having 45 tables on standby then why are they operating a business anyway?
We finally got seated after 45 minutes. The waiter who took our order did not even compliment me on how gorgeous I was looking. He did not ask about the wellbeing of my fifth child – I sold my child for this restaurant and they did not even have the decency of asking about him. I miss you Babloo!
The waiter said our order will be here in 20 minutes but it took 21 minutes and 27 seconds. People win millions on AXN on the show Minute to Win It and the restaurant made me wait 87 seconds unnecessarily for my food. I am never coming to this restaurant again.
The food itself was cold, all of it – the ice cream, the cake, the cold drinks, the juices, the icicles, even the vegetables, it seemed like they refrigerated their vegetables instead of just picking them up from the thalaywala outside. Way to not support your local farmers, shame on you restaurant!
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We ordered two burgers, four pizzas, six rice dishes, nine gravy dishes, 15 chicken karhais and 61 chicken tikkas. The food was just okay. Somehow the six of us managed to eat all of it but right as I was about to pick up the last French fry on the table, the entire world came crashing down.
There was a mosquito on my French fry - a dead mosquito on MY French fry. And I know what mosquitoes are because I swat them away all the time when there is load shedding in the summers.
God forbid if I had just swallowed that French fry, I would have died of dengue. The restaurant doesn’t care about what they are doing to their customers. This also proves that Punjab Food Authority Director Ayesha Mumtaz was a drama and she was sent by India to only target pro-Pakistan restaurants.
I also have pictures to prove the existence of the mosquito. As you can see the food from all the other plates has been absolutely wiped clean except that one last French fry strategically placed on the plate. That is the French fry with the mosquito. Had we known we would find a bug, we would not have eaten the ton of food we all did before that. God only knows how many insects we consumed tonight.
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We will never go to the restaurant again and I am posting this review here because I know all of you care deeply about what restaurants my family visits. I strategically chose this restaurant because I know it is not owned by one of the friends of the owners of this food group. Just to make sure they do not delete it I am going to write something like “I know the admins might delete it because this is the truth”.
If they do delete it then I will start a conspiracy against the food group itself. Nothing can stop me from getting my free pizza.
Let me just tag the restaurant at the end so that they know how desperate I am for that free pizza but I do not want anybody else to know that I am so let me just end this by saying:
And I am not writing this to get free food. This is about my health and the health of my children. I will never take my children again to that restaurant even if they pay us to eat there.
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*Followed by exclamation marks ad infinitum*
Two days later…
After posting my review here, the restaurant got in touch with me and they asked us to come again. All the food was perfect and the service was the best ever.
The best part was when we asked for the bill at the end, they said it was all on the house. Would definitely recommend going to this restaurant and I am going to bash another restaurant here soon so they also give me a free meal. This food group is the best!
The article is a work of satire and fiction.
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