8 tips for dating someone out of your league
The 4th tip is the most important
The 4th tip is the most important. PHOTO: INSTAGRAM
On reading this title, the first thing that probably pops into many people’s minds is the movie She’s Way Out of My League. Well of course, it’s just a means of expression, but the truth is that most of us create our own leagues. Your measure of attractiveness doesn’t really depend upon your external beauty; it really reflects how good you feel about yourself. Compiled from New Love Times, here is a list of eight tips for dating someone who you feel is totally out of your league.
1. Know yourself
First and foremost, why do you even think you’re out of his/her league? Do you really know yourself? This is absolutely essential before dating anyone for that matter, and not just someone out of your league. Take the time to understand yourself; write in a journal, try out a personality test or talk to a therapist. You might be able to find the root cause of your insecurities and why you think you’re in a certain ‘league’.
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2. Know what you want
Okay, now you know yourself, but do you know what you want? Why exactly are you pursuing this Greek god or godess? Is it simply because he/she is easy on the eye, or is it something else? Assess your expectations before you think about continuing with this relationship. Wrong intentions can lead to a lot of heartbreak and unnecessary pain.
3. Focus on your strengths
Many of us, especially women, tend to underestimate ourselves. If you’ve taken the time out to know yourself, you should know your individual strengths and weaknesses in all areas – beauty, talents, emotions etc. Focus on what you’re good at and try to get even better. Try some grooming and styling or take extra music classes so that you begin to stand out and no longer consider yourself average or mediocre. Your confidence will improve and you’ll automatically graduate to another league.
4. Don’t pretend
You have focused on your strengths and are working on making them noticeable. But what about your weaknesses? While you should work on them too, don’t try to pretend to be someone you aren’t. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you are in the highest league of extraordinary people; if you’re insincere and unauthentic, then that’s it. Being yourself and accepting your weaknesses is much more attractive than trying to be someone you aren’t, which is a real turn-off to anyone.
5. Think beyond appearances
We have already talked about how ‘leagues’ aren’t based on appearances alone. The person of your dreams probably caught your eye because of their looks, but if you spend all your time marveling at how long her eyelashes are or how hot he looks with a beard, you’ll never get to see the real person beneath the surface. A gorgeous person is a person, no less, and they’ll find it very refreshing to be treated as one, rather than some kind of goddess on a pedestal.
6. Don’t be desperate
In an attempt to understand the other person, it’s easy to come across as desperate and any relationship expert will tell you that it’s the last thing you should be. Being desperate results in trying too hard, which is extremely unattractive as it reeks of poor self-esteem. If you’ve gone through our ‘knowing yourself’ step, you shouldn’t be in such a situation, but it’s still worth your time to assess your moves and keep your enthusiasm in check.
7. Don’t listen to others
At the risk of repeating ourselves, we’ll say this: the whole thing about ‘leagues’ is just used as a frame of reference, and is not written in stone. At the beginning of your relationship, you’ll be sure to come across naysayers and ‘well wishers’ who think that ‘it’s not going to last’ or that they ‘give it two months’. You can’t tell others what to think, but you can control your own thoughts. Throw out the self-doubt and believe.
8. Act confident
Notice here that we didn’t say ‘Be Confident’. It’s not easy to do away with self-limiting beliefs overnight; attitude changes like these take time. But that doesn’t mean that you need to hibernate till you feel great about yourself; you can still fake it. Yes yes, we did say that you shouldn’t pretend, but this is not about pretending to be someone else, it’s just about trying to be the person you are, deep down. You’ll soon find that even though you started out faking it, your self-doubt soon melts away and you feel much better.
Published in The Express Tribune, December 15th, 2016.
1. Know yourself
First and foremost, why do you even think you’re out of his/her league? Do you really know yourself? This is absolutely essential before dating anyone for that matter, and not just someone out of your league. Take the time to understand yourself; write in a journal, try out a personality test or talk to a therapist. You might be able to find the root cause of your insecurities and why you think you’re in a certain ‘league’.
Here's why people stay in loveless relationships, according to psychologists
2. Know what you want
Okay, now you know yourself, but do you know what you want? Why exactly are you pursuing this Greek god or godess? Is it simply because he/she is easy on the eye, or is it something else? Assess your expectations before you think about continuing with this relationship. Wrong intentions can lead to a lot of heartbreak and unnecessary pain.
3. Focus on your strengths
Many of us, especially women, tend to underestimate ourselves. If you’ve taken the time out to know yourself, you should know your individual strengths and weaknesses in all areas – beauty, talents, emotions etc. Focus on what you’re good at and try to get even better. Try some grooming and styling or take extra music classes so that you begin to stand out and no longer consider yourself average or mediocre. Your confidence will improve and you’ll automatically graduate to another league.
4. Don’t pretend
You have focused on your strengths and are working on making them noticeable. But what about your weaknesses? While you should work on them too, don’t try to pretend to be someone you aren’t. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you are in the highest league of extraordinary people; if you’re insincere and unauthentic, then that’s it. Being yourself and accepting your weaknesses is much more attractive than trying to be someone you aren’t, which is a real turn-off to anyone.
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5. Think beyond appearances
We have already talked about how ‘leagues’ aren’t based on appearances alone. The person of your dreams probably caught your eye because of their looks, but if you spend all your time marveling at how long her eyelashes are or how hot he looks with a beard, you’ll never get to see the real person beneath the surface. A gorgeous person is a person, no less, and they’ll find it very refreshing to be treated as one, rather than some kind of goddess on a pedestal.
6. Don’t be desperate
In an attempt to understand the other person, it’s easy to come across as desperate and any relationship expert will tell you that it’s the last thing you should be. Being desperate results in trying too hard, which is extremely unattractive as it reeks of poor self-esteem. If you’ve gone through our ‘knowing yourself’ step, you shouldn’t be in such a situation, but it’s still worth your time to assess your moves and keep your enthusiasm in check.
7. Don’t listen to others
At the risk of repeating ourselves, we’ll say this: the whole thing about ‘leagues’ is just used as a frame of reference, and is not written in stone. At the beginning of your relationship, you’ll be sure to come across naysayers and ‘well wishers’ who think that ‘it’s not going to last’ or that they ‘give it two months’. You can’t tell others what to think, but you can control your own thoughts. Throw out the self-doubt and believe.
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8. Act confident
Notice here that we didn’t say ‘Be Confident’. It’s not easy to do away with self-limiting beliefs overnight; attitude changes like these take time. But that doesn’t mean that you need to hibernate till you feel great about yourself; you can still fake it. Yes yes, we did say that you shouldn’t pretend, but this is not about pretending to be someone else, it’s just about trying to be the person you are, deep down. You’ll soon find that even though you started out faking it, your self-doubt soon melts away and you feel much better.
Published in The Express Tribune, December 15th, 2016.