Age ain’t nothin’ but a number

Valentine’s Day! Love seemed to be everywhere! Around that date, every club was having a party or ball. It started with the weekend of the 5th at Sind club and after that, every weekend was booked solid with parties.

Now, I’m sick of teddy bears, heart-shaped balloons, cupid, roses and red red red everywhere. My horoscope says, “This is your year for love and partnerships!” I tell you the only partnerships on the horizon for me are business ones. I’m married to the job. Do I sound like I’m complaining? I’m not complaining. During the last 11 years of my singlehood I’ve been happily settled.  I’ve got company: that’s right, I’m not alone. I have a company.

My relationships are with my staff, clients, vendors and artists! My only ‘real’ relationship of two years during this time was fantastic! No, it didn’t end with us being together, but it was fun, fulfilling and happy. Why must everything be long-lasting? Does forever ever work? The other day a friend of mine, recently divorced and now dating a much younger man, was told by one society lady, “You are single now so you must find a rich industrialist and settle down.” My friend turned around and said to this lady, “I am the rich industrialist!” She went on to marry the young man she was dating and looks happy and content!

Why can’t women be the earners? Why should they not have younger husbands who look after their needs? If Imran Khan can marry a Jemima who is 20 years younger than him, why can’t every 40-year-old lady have a 20-something husband or boyfriend?

We are conditioned from bachpan to wait for Prince Charming. He is supposed to be the knight in shining armour who rides a white horse and saves the damsel in distress. Do you think the roles can’t be reversed? Don’t eligible men need rescuing? Why can’t I buy my mard a Toyota Hilux? Does he have to be the one bearing diamond gifts? How many women do we know who can ask a man to marry them? Why do men feel it is an affront to their mardangi to take presents from a woman? It never really feels like a gift when you buy him a present from his money does it?  Why should a man feel less of a man if his lady is his saviour? Does that mean that all the ladies I know have less self-respect because their man provides for them? It’s such a society issue isn’t it? We are conditioned to believe in a certain thing without questioning it.

My last boyfriend was nine years younger than me. After a certain age, age becomes a number. I have always enjoyed relationships with people who are decades older. I love their experience and their wisdom.  On the other hand, my relationships with young people have always kept me in the loop of what’s hip and happening. Twenty-five years ago people talked about Tina Turner’s legs and how good she looked for her age. Now, a 47-year-old Demi Moore looks good…and she is married to Ashton Kutcher who is easily 17 years younger than her.

In fact, all women in their 40s and 50s now look super. The age of botox, lifts, gymming, detox, spas, fillers, nips and tucks is making age a mere number.

Of course, there is always an agenda to choosing a mate. Oh I know you will all cry and say we disagree — but there is an agenda. The mother who chooses a pretty girl whose family is well-connected has an agenda: she can’t be too old or she won’t be able to adjust. (They can mould you when you’re younger, older girls are too independent!) Family matters too; if the boy/girl is poorer than your family, you have more power over them, if they are richer the boy/girl can move up in the world. Looks are also part of the agenda. If you’re good-looking, the next generation is bound to be good-looking too.  Now, about personality — of course it’s important but the quiet shy types are welcomed while the loud confident ones can be intimidating!

Another friend of mine — this time a man in his 30s — who is dating an ambitious young woman was told to be careful of his mate’s agenda or intentions. I have never seen my friend happier or more in love! Having said that, most celebrities form attachments that aren’t based on honourable intentions. Someone always wants something from the other person. So what? If there is give and take, and as long as you’re aware of it, is there something wrong with the match? As long as you don’t abandon your family and leave this self-serving person everything you own you will be okay. So what if you’re being used — whether for your looks, your power or your money — the return will probably be sweet.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, February 27^th, 2011.