She had not been seen for a couple of weeks, and all inquiries were met with either a shrug or “Oh I think she has gone away.” There were rumours. Nasty rumours. For the cineastes among you think “Fargo.” Yes… those sorts of rumours. But nothing for certain; and neither I nor anybody of my acquaintance has ever found out what happened to the feisty, funny, knowledgeable and committed community worker we thought we knew.
I told my policeman friend what I knew — that they were not exclusive to the subcontinent, that they were not confined to women only but men were killed for honour as well, it was usually a relative that did the deed, parents or siblings, but equally could be a spurned lover or a declined offer of marriage. There was any number of triggers. That they are not a wholly Muslim phenomenon — the Sicilian Mafia, for instance — and that they had been going on for millennia and were unlikely to stop. Perhaps ever.
“But what is it… this ‘honour’? That is what I do not understand.” And there I was in Terra Incognita. I knew but I didn’t know. I thought I knew and was certain that whatever I thought I knew was probably wrong. I had discussed the concept over many years in a range of countries and cultures where honour killings occur and was in reality, though perhaps better informed than many of my contemporaries, truly little the wiser. I was aware of a deep-rooted socio-cultural mindset in both men and women in some countries and cultures that made the killing of (usually) a woman for having disgraced the family honour an obligation, a duty, an imperative that overrode the rule of law in most instances. If indeed there was a rule of law that covered honour killing and often there was not. The policeman looked blankly at me, lit a ciggie, took a long pull at his pint and moved the conversation on to the performance of the local football team.
Scroll forward 16 years and watching a friend, Tallat A, being interviewed on honour killing for BBC World news channel. There was a mounting sense of horror evident in the voice of the usually unflappable anchor, that she was having difficulty processing what she was being told at just about every level, as the day-to-day, almost humdrum reality of the situation regarding honour killing in modern Pakistan was succinctly laid out before her.
The segment ended and my Facebook page was quickly populated by comments from the usual suspects, the core group of people who both inform and to a degree shape my perceptions and opinions about my adopted country. The majority was condemnatory, but there were some who were more equivocal, less certain, edging towards an ‘understanding’ of ‘culture’ and yes indeed the need to protect culture from the forces of modernism. Nobody actually said they would slaughter their sister/daughter for making a love marriage but my cyber-radar was set to ‘High’ and yes there was a bottom note that spoke of the canker within.
In all likelihood the majority of the adult population of Pakistan to a greater or lesser degree finds honour killing culturally and socially acceptable. A sweeping generalisation? No, it is not. Some may be a little tepid about it but the minority that would actually vigorously oppose it is tiny. The state position is a politically-correct opposition — but nobody really believes that, do they? There is no perceived need or desire to alter a paradigm that most of the population is perfectly comfortable with, it is just not going to happen. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Next question please…
Published in The Express Tribune, July 21st, 2016.
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