Cruelty at home

A young, newly married girl walks into her parent’s home with a bruised and swollen eye. Her parents ask what happened and she mumbles something about falling down the stairs. Later, the mother asks her what really happened and she reveals that her husband beat her. Instead of reporting the issue to the police, her mother gives her daughter a long-winded speech about how this is life and how society treats divorced women. This is what battered women have to face in Pakistan, regardless of social class or status.

Recently, Salman Sufi of the Punjab chief minister’s Special Monitoring Unit (Law and Order) was a guest on my morning show — twice to be exact. He has played a pivotal role in implementing the new Protection of Women against Violence Act. In particular, he is helping to set up violence against women centres that will provide first aid, shelter and assistance in filing criminal complaints. These centres will provide a safe haven for women who have nowhere to go and fear for their lives. This is not just the case for women who come from poorer segments of society but even those belonging to the middle and upper classes.

Mr Sufi shared some statistics like the fact that every day in Punjab, an average of six women are victims of murder or attempted murder, eight are raped, 11 are assaulted and 32 are abducted or kidnapped. The conviction rate in these cases is less than 2.5 per cent. What does one even say after hearing such frightening figures? You always hear people commenting on how shocking it is to put up with a violent husband. But walking away for a woman isn’t as easy as just walking out. And it’s not just husbands who are violent: fathers, brothers, boyfriends and in-laws can be equally violent. Women in an abusive relationship not only have to deal with the psychological effects but when and if they finally find the strength to overcome those effects, they then have to weigh the pros and cons of staying or leaving. I was in an abusive relationship almost 11 years ago, and when I called the police for help, because I feared for my life, I was told that this was a personal matter and that it couldn’t get involved. Had something similar to the Violence Against Women centres existed then, I probably wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did in that relationship and certainly wouldn’t have been as petrified as I was.

What I have found surprising is the negative response that some people have had to the new law. It has revealed the hypocrisy of people who claim to be in favour of women’s rights but actually don’t want to take any steps against changing this culture of violence. The most controversial part of the new law according to some is the bracelet that some violent men may be forced to wear. But shouldn’t such men be behind bars or in handcuffs? In any event, the first priority of this Act is to try to resolve the conflict through counselling and therapy. It is only if the issues cannot be resolved that more drastic alternatives are pursued. The point is to save the marriage or keep families together and to get men to realise that there are consequences of being violent.

We must support Mr Sufi in his attempt to help women live their lives with dignity and security. This is a cruel world. But that doesn’t mean cruelty should begin at home.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 9^th, 2016.

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