Just forget about Panama

I was reading an article about Ferdinand de Lesseps’ second major tunnel, which not only cut the Americas into two unequal halves, and demonstrated that the level of one of the major oceans was higher than the other, when the sensational news hit the airwaves. In a land where incidents of gross financial impropriety erupt almost every second day, and nothing is ever done to remedy the fault or punish the guilty, the leaks from one of the offshore banks, in which the names of 200 artful Pakistani tax dodgers appeared, came as no surprise. Nor was the fact that members of the Pakistan premier’s family were also implicated. We all know what happens when a prime minister is involved. Maulvi Fazrul Rehman puts his hand on his heart and assures full support and loyalty to the incumbent prime minister. The opposition bays for the premier’s scalp. Another long protest march is planned by the PTI chief, and then postponed. And the assemblies have long debates on how to handle the situation. This time the Chief Justice of Pakistan has gotten involved and was given a year to complete the investigation — which is just as well, because interviews and opinions conducted by the government are invariably fixed before an investigation can take place. Anyway, currently it will be the most eagerly awaited… since the last most eagerly awaited, and… the one before that.

In a month or so, Panama will be forgotten and buried, either because somebody will hack into the Cayman or Channel Islands files and there will be a fresh guffaw of ‘I told you so’; or because there will be another natural disaster or national crisis and another exploration through a land of humiliation and embarrassment. I don’t know if it is correct, or just a piece of passed on misinformation, but the chairman of the four pees who is in exile in Dubai is supposed to favour some part of Brazil to stash away his considerable wealth.

The normal way to kill a good scandal is to find something that will divert public attention away from the episode, especially when it is believed to be so grave that there is serious talk of impeachment. Sometimes nature comes to the rescue of a beleaguered prime minister by rearranging the geological structure of a part of the country to the extent that it results in a couple of million homeless souls living in tents outside the capital in pouring rain. Sometimes militants step in and knock down a school or two, and the president, the prime minister and the army chief say they will not rest until militancy is totally crushed.

But there’s also Chaudhy Nisar Ali Khan of Chakri Vakilan, the minister of interior — and at times the exterior — when it comes to dealing with the frontrunner of the Republican Party. Donald Trump’s arrogant and dismissive quip that if he were president it would take him two minutes to get released the Pakistani doctor, Shakil Afridi, who helped the US track down Osama bin Laden. Since Chaudhry Nisar is obviously an admirer of my favourite Indian politician Lalu Prasad Yadav of Bihar, he said by way of reply “We are not an American colony, but a sovereign country and the aid you give us is peanuts and should not be used to browbeat and bully us.” He added that Dr Afridi is a Pakistani citizen, and if he has fallen foul of the law, he will be dealt with by the courts and the government. As a tailpiece, I simply must share with the reader something that I received in the mail. ‘If Donald Trump makes it to the White House, it would be the first time in history that a millionaire occupies government housing and throws out a black family.’

Published in The Express Tribune, May 8^th, 2016.

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