I would like to raise the issue of the way humour is used to come up with derogatory gender-related jokes
ANKARA: Unfortunately, I am a daughter and to make matters worse, am more like my father than my late mother. If only I were a son, the ‘personality’ issue I seem to have would have been taken care of. Nobody would criticise my actions. To everybody’s dismay, I am a girl who speaks her mind, a girl who questions society’s norms and a girl who can’t stop wondering why it’s funny to call a girl ‘bossy’, ‘fat’ or ‘talkative’. Without getting into a debate on gender equality, I would like to raise the issue of the way humour is used to come up with derogatory gender-related jokes. The kind of humour that a society often partakes in tells us a lot about that society. It reflects how advanced a society is, how accepting or liberal it can be and how it treats its people. As I was growing up, my uncles and the ‘men of the house’ in general, would often pass comments about their wives being bossy, terrifying and dominating. These ‘jokes’ had a tinge of sarcasm, and as a child, I was made to understand that all this was said in ‘good humour’. Meanwhile, the wives would either ignore these comments or would pretend that these were simply not important enough and would not give any counter-argument.
Recently, one of my cousins shared a post on social media that praised mothers and women at large. Initially, I expected comments that would be in agreement with the post. The topic of parenthood is generally considered to be predominantly a women’s territory. To my amazement, men’s comments on the post did not fail for a single moment to remind us that fathers are as important as mothers and that we often forget to mention them while discussing parenthood. This gave rise to some pressing questions in my mind. For example, while we might be forgetting to give fathers their due share, at the same time, we also try to undermine women who contribute to this country’s economy and to family finances. Why is the father’s role or his domestic contributions superior to a woman’s work in agricultural fields? Why are women considered too demanding if they ask their employees for something while a man is considered confident and authoritative if he demands the same thing?
If we continue feeding young minds with ideas that it is okay to half-humiliate or sarcastically criticise women in front of their family members, then society will never evolve. The wife jokes where the poor husband is ‘suppressed’ by a hefty woman who keeps an eye on him and prevents him from cheating on her is a humorous situation, not because she is ever-watchful, but because the man is said to be ‘oppressed’. If we continue to target over-weight, dark-skinned and tough ladies and make them objects for cruel comments and third class humour, then how will we learn to respect women in general? I am not a feminist. I believe that men and women are very different as we are biologically and psychologically, very different creatures. However, I do advocate gender justice.
The day women stop feeding men’s egos will be the day men might wake up from their illusion and realise that women truly are accommodating. Women take criticism directed at them with dignity and that does not make them weak or submissive. If women can work at the office or in the fields and fulfil their domestic responsibilities, then why can’t men step up their game and help with domestic work? Why do baby diaper advertisements only have motherly representations? How about placing baby diaper-changing counters in men’s areas in departmental stores? Why are men who help around the house called ‘bechara’, while a girl who focuses on her career is considered ‘badtameez’?
Nida Ahmed
Published in The Express Tribune, November 8th, 2015.
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