The German proverb Kleine Kinder, kleine Sorgen, große Kinder, große Sorgen (Small children, small worries — big children, big worries) beautifully captures a universal truth of parenting: the older children grow, the more complex the worries become. In the Pakistani context, this simple line takes on even deeper meaning, given our strong but emotionally burdened family structures.
When children are small, their concerns (such as tantrums, minor illnesses, picky eating, reluctance to go to school) are tiring but manageable. Parents worry constantly, yet these problems are often short-lived and relatively easy to solve. The exhaustion is physical more than emotional.
As children grow, however, the nature of parental concern transforms. In Pakistan, where societal expectations are high and family honor is closely linked to children’s choices, parents begin to carry heavier emotional burdens. Concerns shift toward academic performance, peer influences, exposure to social media, and eventually to career decisions and marriage.
For sons, the pressure to succeed, earn well, and carry the family’s legacy often dominates the parents’ anxiety. For daughters, it’s the fear of societal judgment, delayed marriages, or finding a ‘suitable match.’ These concerns are not just about the child’s future but are tied to the family’s reputation, values, and emotional identity.
Moreover, in our collectivist culture, parental involvement in adult children’s lives is deeply rooted. Love often comes bundled with control, and expectations are rarely separate from affection. A child’s failure is sometimes seen as a reflection of poor upbringing, intensifying a parent’s sense of responsibility and stress.
Thus, the proverb holds: small children bring small, visible, and often temporary troubles; big children bring hidden, layered, and long-lasting ones. The shift from physical labor to emotional labor is indeed not easy.
This saying reminds us to acknowledge the evolving nature of parenting and to support parents not just when children are young, but also when they are navigating the uncertainties of adulthood. In Pakistan, where family is everything, these ‘big worries’ become a shared emotional landscape, shaping not only households but entire communities.
Dr Intikhab Ulfat
Karachi
