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Dear women, all men are not rapists!

Dear women, all men are not rapists!

She started panicking and screaming; she couldn't understand why the rider had allowed a man to sit next to her.

Emad Zafar April 03, 2013

It was a regular Monday morning, and I left home early to meet a client.

I assist a friend with his event management business and we were meeting this ‘rich’ client and so, I made sure I was dressed well and looked my best.

My friend promised to pick me up from a spot close to my place, a spot where I decided to get to by a qingqi rickshaw. For those who don’t know, a qingqi is a motorcycle rickshaw with a compartment that has enough space to accommodate six people — three ladies in the back and three gents in the front. There’s not a hard and fast rule for the seating order but that’s the norm anyway.

It was 9:00 in the morning, so I struggled to find an empty qingqi as it is usually a busy time of the day.

Finally, after waiting for about 10 to 15 minutes, I stopped a qingqi that had four people sitting in it — three men in the front and a lady in the back. This meant there was space for at least two people in the back.

Without thinking much, I jumped into the backseat making sure there was enough distance between me and the lady. Mind you, she seemed to be my mother’s age in her 50s.

Anyway, just when I thought I had settled in and the qingqi resumed its run, all hell broke loose.

She panicked and started shouting at the rider about how he had allowed a male to sit in the back with her. For some reason, she felt so insecure that she threatened to start screaming if he didn’t stop the ride and asked me to get off or move in front.

I was shell-shocked and didn’t know how to react.

I hadn't rubbed thighs with her; it was broad daylight too, and we were not alone, so why panic and perceive me to be a 'bad guy' or a rapist? It just didn't make any sense!

I didn’t understand why she feared sitting next to me for what would have been a matter of two to three minutes in any case. I had left enough distance between us and wasn't even looking her way!

Inevitably, we succumbed to her shrill screaming and I was asked to get off the qingqi.

And what was worse?

I got late for the meeting giving the worse possible first impression to the client who was also.. err... a lady.

Although I do want to give women the benefit of the doubt, considering the situation that is prevalent in Karachi with all the rape and kidnapping incidents, however, the reaction of this woman to a man sitting next to her with many people around her, that too in daylight, perplexed me.

Should women be allowed to react like so or is this taking it too far?

I believe that I did nothing wrong and shouldn't have been made to get off the rickshaw just because a woman also happened to be riding in it.

Yes, we are men, and many men do bad things, but all men are not demons.

I request women to be more rational and a better judge of men. Appearances might be deceiving but one has to use their common sense to decide whether the situation is dangerous or even close to threatening.

Lastly, I would like to impart a message to women:

Fear not aunties, all men aren't eyeing you nor are all men rapists. Cut us some slack, maybe?

Read more by Emad here, or follow him on Twitter @EmadZafar

WRITTEN BY:
Emad Zafar A PR, Communications and Digital Media professional with an undying passion for all things sport, technology, music, media and aviation. He tweets as @emadzafar (https://twitter.com/EmadZafar)

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

COMMENTS (97)

Lahore | 11 years ago | Reply @Pak Super Power 2030: Great comment!

Pak Super Power 2030 | 11 years ago | Reply what a waste of space by all these comments. This is not an all important cause to be so much concerned about . Just read and move on. Please don't make it an issue on gender discussion or women and mens right.

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ss | 11 years ago | Reply and she probably doesn't read tribune's blogs :p

Afzaal Rasheed | 11 years ago | Reply I think all she need is attention

supischwester | 11 years ago | Reply @Nandita.: Mind you... Here in Pakistan they call even 7 year old girls aunti and boys uncle! Almost any female is being addresses as aunti instead of baahji, sister, madam, etc. and can you kindly proof your redicolus quote :Reality check for you author – women as old as 70-80 get raped by teenagers.. I never , but except once read trhis. and i only read that a civil army cerva nt in Germany raped a 80 yea old , senile, bed ridden lady in the olfd folks home. and the rapist wa 21 and had mental problems. Its far fetched from reality. check out this where an 80 year old hakeem raped a 70 old woman. http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2009%5C08%5C13%5Cstory13-8-2009pg13_2 Also furtune tellers and quack docotors, gynocologists, child doctore, repeatandly rape young children, woman and men! And m,any rapes take place by the ones you trust!!!!! so I guess the reality sourrounding pakistan, and others, that you being sexual abuses since early childhoos, say from 3 years on upward by your brother, father, unlce, neighbour, etc, is a fiction? And what about the sodomy done here always on little boys ? I understand what the author wants to say.. And me being a conservatice woman , I would not behave so ill mannered and childish as this lady did. What is she doing out there alone? Well if she is so conservatice , why did she not mind beimg surounded by 3 strange men from the very beginning she boareded this vihicle. She could not see any body from the front , sitting back to back and had no idea what ill thoughts they may breed out.. just fiction here. And yes older women perceive different, and becoming a bit getting of reality starts also in the 50.. knwo what I am talking anbout. And I agree with the writer.

Critical | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: Oohh!!!! My weak receptors and neurons!!!! Mind you,you're a real funny, man...I think the ET Mods also think so when they read your comments..... I see that you have not answer Anoop's question about the source which states that man originated from Arabia...But gave some random german link which had nothing to do with it....Now you're asking me to learn PhD just to challenge your theories..... Also,once I questioned your theory that one should learn arabic to unlock the science of quran,but you beat around the bush for around 10 comments till I gave up..... P.S. Quoting Goethe,Kant and talking jargon doesn't make one intellectual..

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @Critical: You are a strange guy! I spoke about the Floridan law, you question it with you jibberish about your tourist experience, I mention my residence experience, you answer that the Zimmerman was one time experience.(Insaan seconds it and quotes Rangers episode). If you feel happy with your experience, then be it even uncle Google cannot help a person with weak receptors and lethargic neurons. What I put out on ET is not only my opinion but a piece of Knowledge for those who have interest to learn in the 21st century global village of the Knowledge society. Certainly not by blinkered individuals who feel comfortable with denials. You must be a candidate for Phd studies at least as well as have interest to learn about the origin of homo sapiens. Rex Minor

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: Mr Zimmerman shot the black unarmed youth, and therefore the fuss from the afroams of the county. There was some kind of misunderstanding when Zimmerman shot black unarmed youth. Did you watch the video, where Rangers shot a boy, live on TV in Pakistan? You are lucky; ignorance does help

SARMAD | 11 years ago | Reply @SINDHU u also live in a country where female students of even the finest universities entice their male teachers n exploit their gender status in all means to just get a hop in grade,, n u also live in a country whr corporate world is full of examples whr women allure their bosses n senior executives for unjust advantages in terms of promotions, bonuses, n increments.. n u talk about men privilege! wt inane privilege does a woman enjoy if she is a gold medalist,knows the best of her profession n still "chooses" to stay back home n push all the financial n social burdens to her husband (u probably know a few personally). This is also a country where women of 42 with 3 children murder their husbands n elope with thr 23 years old boy friends,,this is also a country whr a woman had her husband in multiple pieces n cooked his "meat" for 5 days!!

Sara | 11 years ago | Reply @Noor Do I know you?

Critical | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: Trayvon Martin case was a one off occurrence....You cannot draw conclusions based on one incident....Besides,I've roamed in Philly at night and I'm still living to tell my tale..... Besides,arent you the one who states Man originated from Arabia....Oh now I get it,since you say it,it must be the truth as everyone in this ET Blogosphere knows about what you speak...

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @Insaan: And a good thing that he was not in India as well, where gang rapes are nomal event. Every 23 minutes a rape should be a warning fo women of the danger, and the men as well who women to ignore the risks. Rex Minor

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply @Critical: I spend my vacations there, and in Naples,Florida, where non-residents are controlled after dark. In the USA, for ones own protection the individual is allowed to have a gun or take the risk of being mugged or killed. Florida is unique and therefore one is allowed to shoot down the one if one feels threatened. Mr Zimmerman shot the black unarmed youth, and therefoe the fuss from the afroams of the county. You are lucky; ignorance does help. Rex Minor

noor | 11 years ago | Reply @Nandita.: Dude, i love you! Lol, as in, love your argumentation. You'd make a great debater :)

Rabbia | 11 years ago | Reply Emaad, respect is the key She might sound a paranoid to you, she might not be at all pretty but if she just went on doing all this without any reasoning and you just judge her behavior at the surface, then whats the difference between you and her? You have to prove that education and good grooming gives us better reasoning skills than a random 50-year-old probably-not-so-educated lady on the road I know her behavior might sound weird, and she was wrong but don't you think he might have a good reason to be wrong, maybe she was afraid of what her husband or her in-laws would say if they found out, maybe she had different values, maybe she had a bad experience in the past, and I believe just you asking her "would you mind if I sit next to you" would have saved you from all the trouble. We can't control other people's behavior, however we can mind ours. Moreover, instead of writing about one woman's attitude, you could have wrote about why Pakistani women possibly behave like this and you could have quoted this incident. And who knows the men sitting on the other side were her relatives and she was scared??

Critical | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: Dude,I've visited Florida and mind you,those women arent going to object when you sit next to you in a public transport...In fact,you can walk up to a random woman and offer to buy a drink,if she doesnt like that,she can politely decline it not point a gun at you... Judging by the way you talk,I dont think you ever visited Florida,mind you,its an experience you will never forget....or matter of fact,even USA,gun laws arent what the lobbyist project about...Carrying a gun in public could automatically lead to arrest and an explanation to judge why you did so...

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @Rex Minor: good thing that the author is not in Florida, under the Jeff Bush law she could have shot him if she felt threatened from him. That is nonsense. It is good to think before you comment.

Hamza Sheikh | 11 years ago | Reply First of all, I feel bad for you. But that's a normal act these days by women. Actually, old women are feeling more insecurity in such public transports and areas. While the young-ladies are good to understand the situation, and happy to comprise. I am agreed with you that all men are not bad, and yes many men are bad, and rapists but that doesn't mean that everyone is same.

Rex Minor | 11 years ago | Reply This is true that all men are not rapists; but equaly true that all rapists unfortunately are men! The lady passenger did the right thing; the fault lies with the driver!! Never mind the author is makng fuss about being late. good thng that the author is not in Florida, under the Jeff Bush law she could have shot him if she felt threatened from him. Rex Minor

Critical | 11 years ago | Reply @Insaan I'm still confused who was at fault,whether the girl overreacted or the old man fell on her pretending to be asleep... When I narrated this incident to my friend,she said that its usually these old men who act like in public transport compared to the younger men,as they always use their age to defend themselves.. Besides,the person sitting next to me was a middle aged man who certainly didnt look like George Clooney..(Thank God,I didnt travel that day with my friend,it would have been the worst moral dilemna).. So,I give the benefit of doubt to the girl as she was fine to sit next to men,but not this particular person. I think the girl smiled at me just to exchange the seats as she never gave her number after she got down :(

Baba Jee | 11 years ago | Reply I think you need to keep a distant from aunties esp. during the heated mornings of karachi..

Mano | 11 years ago | Reply @Insaan: No Hijab or burka and I live in a city with a very small desi community. But that has been my experience so far.

Milind | 11 years ago | Reply @Author - After the harrowing experiences woman go through here in the sub-continent, I won't blame the lady if she panics just because a guy lands next to her. Who knows... The lady in question, would have gone through a bad experience an ordeal with men targeting or molesting her. With an unsympathetic and uncaring society ever-ready to blame the girl, she would have had the baggage bottled into her. A previous experience could have left scars on her psyche... I don't blame her.. Had I been there, I would have apologised and swiftly moved to make her comfortable... Anyway, it shouldn't hurt our male-ego to get an earful from a lady, who is apparently our mother's age.

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @Mano: Did you think about asking her if you can sit with her? I live in US and even here men ask me if they can take the seat next to me or sit with me on a couch. I live in US too, I have never seen any one doing that. Do you wear burqa or hijab or you live in an area dominated by desis?

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @sana: But then again I know all men are not bad. I have two sons myself. But your sons, brothers, father, uncles.....can't be bad men. Most kids are abused by "good" uncles, friends and so on.

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @maleeha:if you have traveled in buses… you would come to know that there some men never loose the chance to harass women i think that was the reason for the over reaction of ladies. But yes in your case the aunty was wrong. She was mature enough to see that she was not in a crowded bus. May be the author ignored her because she was kind of old and she taught him a lesson. A lonely woman would have enjoyed the trip sitting next to a guy, in my opinion.

Parvez | 11 years ago | Reply ET I posted a comment yesterday and it disappeared. Will try again : You said normally the front seat is for men and the back for women. The correct and polite thing you should have done was to simply ask the lady on the back seat that as the the front seat was full would she mind if you sat at the back. 95% chances are she would have said yes. If she said no, you would be where you eventually landed but with the feeling that at least you did the right thing.

Sana Ullah | 11 years ago | Reply Well, i must say that before sitting aside the lady, one must ask for the seat coz it's their property as you mentioned earlier that in your writing. If she allows you then be seated otherwise say thanks to the lady and just wait for the next auto rickshaw.

afza siddiqui | 11 years ago | Reply get a chill pill author and next time u have to get somewhere early just make sure to keep a margin of 15 minutes for finding an empty qingqi.to be honest i would have done the same act what the lady did since i am well aware of men's conduct in public transport.there are certain norms that u have to go by whether u like them or not. so dont get offended. u might be a truly shareef guy but 95% of males that we come across the roads are not gentlemen.so just give the ladies the benefit of doubt :)

80s | 11 years ago | Reply ‘I hadn’t rubbed thighs with her; it was broad daylight too, and we were not alone’, LOL.. So basically in a perfect situation “alone at night” you would have made you move? You little demon.

Ali | 11 years ago | Reply Situation: Let us just assume the aunty didn't do what she did and you two are sitting and riding on your destinies. On the way, if her husband sees her sitting next to you would possibly end up her getting beaten badly or a divorce or accusations that the aunty had never thought in her life. It's better to be safe than sorry. That's what I would want to say in favor of the aunty. My sympathies are with Emad for the embarrassment he felt and I guess this is why this article was written.

Mishall | 11 years ago | Reply right we can stop reacting the we do till the day men start treating women with respect. Rapings and kidnapping, if these things stop then only we women can trust strange men siting near a woman whom he does not know or she does not know. If men become civiilized then maybe women who have had been traveling in rickshaws, taxis or buses women get harsassed everyday. If men stop all of these maybe women will not react the way this lady did. I agree not all men are sick in the head but I do not blame the woman for scream the way she as well.

Working Woman | 11 years ago | Reply She probably has conservative ideas and has nothing to do with you perceived as a rapist.

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply @RAW is WAR: Seems you have been living under a rock for some months now mate. Delhi gang rapes ring a bell? Oh wait, my mistake, that was Pakistani men too. Oopsie.

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply @Rameez: If you suggest women should "suffer" every ordeal men go through, men ought to suffer every ordeal women in Pakistan go through as well. Otherwise, you have no room to speak. As far as standing up when there are no seats available or waiting in line like a normal person, any woman who says that's an "ordeal" is out of her mind, assuming she's healthy. Having said that, male whiners sound an awful lot like female "whiners."

RPG | 11 years ago | Reply @Historian Don't take wrong on this, I knew it firmly someone would come up with a mis-understood comment. What you're citing is that..clothing and how one covers herself really doesn't matter when infact putting-on such dressing invites attention and allows gropers to perform their actions.

Liz | 11 years ago | Reply I don't think the lady over reacted. You should have aksed for permission before jupming in to sit next to her. That's what a gentleman would always do. Plus, when you know that the seat is designated for ladies only, and a lady WAS sitting there, I don't see why you even thought of sitting there!! You could have waited for another few minutes.

taha | 11 years ago | Reply maybe this is not an appropriate place to educate women like her. anyways, i am with you on this.

Historian 1 | 11 years ago | Reply @ RPG: And why modernism, fashion are something bad for you. Why modern and fashionable women disgust you so much?. Men also have equal rights to be modern and fashionable. To be modern/ fashionable AND respecting each others rights are two different things.

kawish | 11 years ago | Reply Good read overall. Though its really very confusing what made the lady go all panicky. Even though it was just a rickshaw, people all around and daylight. Not so sure but she must have spotted a boner amongst those present in a rickshaw causing her to panic. :)

Thinker | 11 years ago | Reply @RPG: So are you trying to say that to accept modernism, fashion etc, a woman should compromise on her safety and should accept violence and barbarism? Huh?

Xy1 | 11 years ago | Reply @Rameez: I absolutely have no problem standing in a queue and I have no problem standing in the bus and often have stood up to let older people or women with kids or pregnant have the seat. However, if I stand in a crowded queue or in a crowded bus, will men make sure not to find it an opportunity to be inappropriate, to grope or try to come too close?.... And trust me that is not uncommon.

umair409 | 11 years ago | Reply You could have asked her permission before sitting beside her. Anyways, this world is full with mysterious people. Whatever she did wasn’t required at all. Title of this article must be all men are not rapists but it seems majority of aunties are hilarious.

SID | 11 years ago | Reply Well you might not be a rapist but the truth is 99% of women using public transport face some kind of sexual harassment. If they wouldn't be overly cautious like the lady you mentioned above then how else would they react. I think I'm not conservative but I will never let a strange man sit beside me in Pakistan. It's too risky. For every 1 man that isn't a harasser 10 others are.

Historian 1 | 11 years ago | Reply @ Author: so you would not mind entering a female public washroom in case male washroom is occupied. Be civilized and do not jump into area reserved for females.

Zaka | 11 years ago | Reply @Nandita.: Well I think you are just exaggerating the situation, what the author meant that, that woman belonged to the age group of her mother, & perhaps she too should have looked at him like he was her own son instead of creating a havoc in public & embarrassing the poor lad on the spot.

Yamna Hassan | 11 years ago | Reply How could she judge you just by looking at you? She was just being on the safe side which is perfectly fine. Maybe you shouldnt be so super sensitive :p

maleeha | 11 years ago | Reply Good one! I tell you what, i do use that qinchi rikshaw too on my way to university. yes you are right there that all men are not rapists and some aunties over react. you know our society and how they look at a man and woman sitting near by. That aunty shouldn't have allowed you to sit at first place rather shouting later.. i can imagine that must have made an impact on others that you were guilty. I think ladies compartment should be reserved for ladies... if you have travelled in buses... you would come to know that there some men never loose the chance to harras women... i think that was the reason reason for the over reaction of ladies. But yes in your case the aunty was wrong.

locks | 11 years ago | Reply @Rameez: attitudes like yours are why pakistan will never succeed in any aspect...

locks | 11 years ago | Reply This would never happen in a westernised country, but attitudes are different in Pakistan. There is a culture of segregation, so obviously she would not want to sit next to you! You dont know what her past experiences have taught her. I, for example, wear hijab when im in pakistan, and refuse to go anywhere without a male companion, because i feel the disgusting gaze of pakistani men on me constantly.

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @Critical: "I noticed the girl in the seat across the other side smile at me.." I wonder how she would have reacted if you were sleeping and falling on her...... She was smiling at a stranger.....I guess she did not mind....her only problem was the MAN was old....

Gp65 | 11 years ago | Reply @Critical: You are a sensitive and sensible man. @Nandita : Great points. Appreciate your feisty responses. You are so right, women wants equal rights (with equal responsibility) Not condescending men offering privileges. @Pessimist: always the voice of reason. @Author: did she scream rape? Why did you bring that into the equation? Since you know that the back portion is reserved for women, did you ask her permission before occupying it? Had you done so the whole fracas would have been avoided. Either she would have agreed and hence no screaming or if she had refused, you would not have faced the embarrassment of being made to disembark.

Sindhu | 11 years ago | Reply I feel very bad for you,dear men's rights activist.I'm sure it's not a very good experience to be seen as a rapist or a harraser,if you are not.But before putting the onus of not stereotyping men on women,may I ask what exactly have you done to change this image?I belive if you were so concerned about this,you would've address the root issue--the endemic that sexual harrasment is?When there was widespread racism of Whites towards non-Whites,asking the latter not to stereotype the former would've been exteremly silly and would've sounded really silly and arrogant.Victim blaming in the cases of rape and sexual harrasment is extremely common in Pakistan.You live in a country where a woman can be jailed for not coming up with four witnesses in case she files for rape,and you're complaining about women not afraid of men sitting besides them?This is such an arrogant blog,which shows male privilege.Instead of crying over women's attitude,try thinking what exactly led that women to behave that way.If the panic of the women doesn't make you realize the problems women face,then I feel sorry for you.

Turbo Lover | 11 years ago | Reply I find not many things wrong in this article, my thoughts exactly. Not all men are rapists and not all women are sugar, spice and everything nice.

Salman | 11 years ago | Reply "For some reason, she felt so insecure ..." huh, what might that reason be? This is what male privilege sounds like: "I didn’t understand why she feared sitting next to me ..." / "Although I do want to give women the benefit of the doubt ..." how magnanimous of him. / "Should women be allowed to react like so ..." / "I request women to be more rational..." / " I would like to impart a message to women" I'm sure he's well-intentioned and all -- and probably just in a shock at how he could be perceived to be a threat and therefore lashing out at the woman that dared to take away his blindness to his male privilege-- but that would only makes him a rank well-intentioned sexist.

Mano | 11 years ago | Reply Did you think about asking her if you can sit with her? I live in US and even here men ask me if they can take the seat next to me or sit with me on a couch.

Dab | 11 years ago | Reply Also, being a feminist is about asking for equality, not preferential treatment at shopping malls, buses etc. It sounds pro-women because the idea is that women are under-represented in patriarchal societies.

Erum | 11 years ago | Reply I think you should have asked her before sitting next to her...

sana | 11 years ago | Reply Well I must say unless im on an airplane, I wudnt feel safe sitting next to a strange man in pakistan. U cant blame us ladies, after what we have been forced to go thru in pakistan. The lady probably thought all u men would get away with kidnapping her or worse. My nani jumped off from a moving bus when she realised all the women were off the bus and only the driver and conductor remained. Mind u she was a mere 20 year old and pregnant. Caused her to hav a miscarriage. That is the extent of mistrust us ladies hav in this country. But then again I know all men are not bad. I hav two sons myself.

Habiba Younis | 11 years ago | Reply well, a lot and I mean a Lot of men make a point of touching women inappropriately in 'broad day light' and such things are very common in public transport. so yes u are not that kind- agreed, but with ur kind in minority, frankly the woman's behavior was predictable. but she should have requested normally instead of creating the ugly situation,

RAW is WAR | 11 years ago | Reply Nor all men- just Pakistani men.

naeem khan | 11 years ago | Reply all men are not rapists but all rapists are men

Critical | 11 years ago | Reply You have picked a tricky issue...The problem is that there are faults at both sides I've personally some men stand close to women in buses and then attempt to fall on them when the bus brakes... I've also had angry stares from a woman when I accidentally brushed a woman in a crowded bus where there wasnt even a space to stick a needle,as if I were a known offender.... Some women are so sensitive that they act as if every man want to grope her(despite their age and other factors),but maybe some of them became like that due to constant harassment Once I was traveling in a bus to my native place when suddenly,I noticed the girl in the seat across the other side smile at me..Normally beautiful girls dont smile at strangers in my place..When I tried striking conversation,she said that the old man next to her keeps falling on her while sleeping... I offered to exchange seats with her..Mind you,the old man never fell on me in the next 3 hrs of the journey even though he was supposedly sound asleep and logically shouldnt have known we exchanged seats

Kiran Gohar | 11 years ago | Reply Greetings Mr. Emad, There are many sides to a incident most of the time the reaction could be outcome of past experience or it could be some thing simply as dump as a personal issues that Women/Lady u encounter that day what i'm trying to say here is one can not judge an entire group of people based on the actions of an individual that is the same u r asking on part of women to not to judge all men on account of their "PAST EXPERIENCES" with men. In this case having been on the other side or should I say the the painful side of harassment made u write this article requesting all the women hood to change their perception about men.I myself have lost the count of the number of unpleasant incidents with men but despite that i would make the request to all the readers of this article to think as a rational person despite looking it with the view of being MEN or WOMEN. As i don't believe that women are from Mars and men from Venus.Both belongs to same planet sharing the same sky.

Nandini | 11 years ago | Reply Everyone before we further take it discussion to numerous other details...first, i want people to enlighten me how on earth could one rape in a rickshaw and that too one described above?? makes no sense.

Ahsan Raza | 11 years ago | Reply Men had to encounter these kinda embarrassment occasionally in Pakistan. Women had all rights to feel secure in male dominated and sexual harassing society, but it doesn't allow them to react in this way. If she would have politely mentioned that she follow different moral code, e-g "I'm conservative enough not to sit near men, please get next rickshaw", any gentlemen would have respected it, or she could have considered better travel option fulfilling her moral code in better way, bus with separate ladies section or a taxi..

RPG | 11 years ago | Reply @Nandita I fail to understand the very minute mentality of you girl, at first you talk about modernism, fashion and everything and at the same time you freak out of people fearing theyll rape you...C`mon... ..Do i need to explain more...

Petra | 11 years ago | Reply Should women be allowed to react like so?" So women also need your permission to show fear? Why don't you try living in an environment where the threat of your brutalization on many levels is a daily reality, and where being seen with someone of the opposite gender can subject you to cruel punishment. Try it. Live with the old Ku Klux Clan, or spend a few years in a maximum security prison with some hairy, pumped-up 6' 4" types, just to recreate the circumstances women face in a hostile environment. Then make observations about reacting with fear. You have some nerve - but it's not surprising. Your condescending and irritated attitude about "aunties" is precisely the kind of mindset that devalues women and makes their brutalization possible in the first place. I'm screaming right now and you're not even next to me.

Petra | 11 years ago | Reply "Should women be allowed to react like so?" So women also need your permission to show fear? Why don't you try living in an environment where the threat of your brutalization on many levels is a daily reality, and where being seen with someone of the opposite gender can subject you to cruel punishment. Try it. Live with the old Ku Klux Clan, or spend a few years in a maximum security prison with some hairy, pumped-up 6' 4" types, just to recreate the circumstances women face in a hostile environment. Then make observations about reacting with fear. You have some nerve - but it's not surprising. Your condescending and irritated attitude about "aunties" is precisely the kind of mindset that devalues women and makes their brutalization possible in the first place. I'm screaming right now and you're not even next to me.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply @Insaan: By saying it’s better to be safe than sorry, are you implying author was going to rape that lady in the Rickshaw? NO. The lady was not acquainted with the author. She was probably uncomfortable, women are always advised to move out of situations where they experience discomfort ( even if their apprehension is unfounded ) That's what I meant - i'm not doubting the author or casting aspersions on him at all.

Ali S | 11 years ago | Reply Let's not forget that we're still a fairly conservative society, and she probably has a different set of values and beliefs than yours which you have to respect. I think you showed a lack of judgment there too. I regularly use public transport (including buses and qingqis), and whenever I see a lady sitting alone on a qingqi (this just happened today, in fact), I either sit behind the driver or wait for another qingqi/bus that's passing by.

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply @Nandita.: "Reality check for you author – women as old as 70-80 get raped by teenagers. I’m sure you are a decent man but you shouldn’t have dragged the age factor in the discussion. You came across as condescending. That being said, maybe the lady did over react. But, it’s better to be safe than sorry." By saying it's better to be safe than sorry, are you implying author was going to rape that lady in the Rickshaw?

mind control | 11 years ago | Reply @Emad Zafar Now imagine, if a woman is found sitting alone with a namehram man in an enclosed space, what explanation can she possibly have for such conduct?

mind control | 11 years ago | Reply @Rameez: I and together with other fellow members of the my gender have refused to display acts of chivalry. Good for you. Now, what are you sribbing about then?

Zubair Ali | 11 years ago | Reply Dear Author, Personally I believe the fault lies in your actions - you should not have merrily assumed the aunty would want to sit 20 inches from a stranger and at the very least asked her permission to share the back cabin. I'm not doubting your intentions at all - but ultimately you should have played to the wider sensitivities in our society. No harm done, which was a positive outcome and the fact that you are now wiser I hope. Be careful next time as her husband or son might be at the front. Lesson learnt. Move on.

Axcalibur | 11 years ago | Reply In Men's society; it is dogma for women to share a seat with other men period! so next time, may be you cut some slack and get an other Ching chi!!

Sania | 11 years ago | Reply While I think she could have been a conservative lady, her reactions were uncalled for.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply Mubashir: What kind of argument is that? He is not targeting anyone,you call someone aunty in respect and not in contempt, to me you seem like a person who is too conscious of her age. And yes,this wicked feminism has to end,let us all be equals in every aspect,no preferential treatment at hospitals,at shopping malls,in metro buses. He's was not addressing one woman alone - he was referring to all women out there and let me assure you all of us are not 50. There are younger women as well so his words were condescending. No, I'm not conscious about my age - this attitude of trying to insult another person for point scoring baffles me. 3.Yes, let us be equals in all aspects. Women don't want your lousy' privileges' - they want rights - the right to live as they deem fit.

Mango | 11 years ago | Reply That aunt actually over reacted but That happens all the time.. While we are in bus we let men to stand i n the ladies section in 'Brooad day light' and among many people watching em they still make thier move and never miss a chance to rub hands or stand closer than necessary.. And trust me a decent looking ridiing with us in bus did this to a woman in her late 40s.. So you know we cant cut slack.. We have to be cautious.. You have no idea what sort of mental torture a woman has to go through, this rubbing hands or skin or trying to touch from theslit between the seats actually causes distress.. What happened with you was a reaction of a suffering of that woman she might have faced..

HS | 11 years ago | Reply Grow up kiddo!

B. | 11 years ago | Reply I am a not so conservative fiancee of a very conservative man. Although I would not sit right next to a man out of my own accord, I would think twice before allowing a stranger sit a little further even. That too NOT because of my insecurity. Oh, but I would not create such a drama. Maybe she was just a super conservative lady.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply @Rameez: .Let these women stand in the bus when there is no seat empty.Let these women stand in a queue while paying their bills. These privileges are not privileges at all. These are lame attempts at assuaging the collective guilt of society for the plight of millions of battered women the world over. We don't want your seats in the bus and we certainly don't mind standing in a queue like the rest of you. ( infact, In India men don't give us their seats and we always stand in queues ) What women want is access to good education, freedom to live their life on their own terms - freedom to dress, work, study, date,marry acc to their wish.

HBA | 11 years ago | Reply I agree with @Pessimist that we shouldn't be too quick to judge people. we all know the threats and risks of a woman being alone in this frustrated society so their behavior is predictable Although it's true indeed All men are not rapists.

Chugtai Rizwan | 11 years ago | Reply Interesting one! If we boys help or praise someone then they think that we must have our own mean (sex) in that. So what we should do? what people will say and what people will think?

antony | 11 years ago | Reply In India ,I travel in share auto in Delhi and ladies are seated next to men at any given day taking any sample of location.. Even though news wise if you read you will expect women will be all scared and wired up to shout at the perceived closeness of male but nothing is observed in reality ..All go about their daily lives until one day news you hear some where somebody got raped etc which is 1 in million occurance considering the population of Delhi.

Rameez | 11 years ago | Reply @Mubashir I told you.Feminists will always find faults in men.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply @Rameez: Society should remove all the privilege that women have. Interesting. Would love to know which privileges you are referring to - Not being allowed to study and sometimes getting shot for advocating the girl child's education. Being raped Honour killings Not being allowed to work Acid attacks Domestic violence Not being allowed to dress as per their wishes, Being groped, harassed for simply daring to walk down the road Which of these privileges should the society withdraw ?

Mubashir | 11 years ago | Reply @Nandita.: What kind of argument is that? He is not targeting anyone,you call someone aunty in respect and not in contempt, to me you seem like a person who is too conscious of her age. And yes,this wicked feminism has to end,let us all be equals in every aspect,no preferential treatment at hospitals,at shopping malls,in metro buses.We are men,not Monsters.

luqman | 11 years ago | Reply same thing happend to me last night its just normal the women shouts for such things are the one who herslef has negative mind.

Shahid Ashraf | 11 years ago | Reply First of all I'm curious to know what made you wait for "10 to 15 minutes" for a qingqi rikshaw for only a 3 to 4 minutes ride and risk being late at such an important meeting. You could've easily get a normal rikshaw (a private one at a bit higher fare) or would've chosen to go by walk for such a small distance. Or better enough your friend could've driven a little more (3 to 4 minutes) to pick you up from your place. But whatever your reasons may be, it's your right to choose to travel the way you want so you exercised your right. Coming back to the situation, I can understand your surprise and anger and probably the embarrassment you might have felt in this situation. The woman did react badly. In my humble opinion, the reaction has got more to do with the social and cultural reasons than security reasons. Usually in Pakistan (at-least in Karachi), it's not socially acceptable or normal for women to share the same seat with men in public transports and I think that's probably what provoked her. The situation might have been different if you had sought a prior permission from the lady! Next time please try this! :) Good luck! :) P.S. and thanks for sharing your experience!

Cobra Commander | 11 years ago | Reply All men are not rapist but all rapist are men... 99% of the time

Pessimist | 11 years ago | Reply Whilst I don't approve of her actions, I do not blame her for acting so. Maybe she came from a conservative family? What if she was spotted by a male family member and they decided it compromised their 'honor'? Or maybe she was an unfortunate victim of a previous assault in similar circumstances. You shouldn't be too quick to judge people.

ab | 11 years ago | Reply hahaha. even if i keep the religion aside i would never have done that in any circumstances because this is Pakistani society you are living in and you never know what other person is thinking or is bound to think. it would have be better if you would have asked her. so better take care next time.

Rameez | 11 years ago | Reply You don't have to be defensive or prove anything. Where are those feminists who want equality ? That is probably the season, I and together with other fellow members of the my gender have refused to display acts of chivalry.Men should not sympathise with women,just like they don't sympathise with us.Let these women stand in the bus when there is no seat empty.Let these women stand in a queue while paying their bills.Let these women suffer every single ordeal that men are going through. Society should remove all the privilege that women have.

Nandita. | 11 years ago | Reply Fear not aunties, all men aren’t eyeing you nor are all men rapists. Cut us some slack, maybe? What compelled you to use the word 'Aunty' here ? You could have just said 'women' or is this an attempt at targeting women in a certain age group (40s- 50s since the lady in question belonged to that age group) and hinting that a lady in that age group would not catch your eye ? Also, this sentence - Mind you, she seemed to be my mother’s age in her 50s. Again, you seem shell shocked that an older woman could perceive you in that manner. This is what I infer from your sentence - ' Hey woman, look at you. You're 50. I'm a strapping young lad of 30. What makes you think I'd even look at you' Reality check for you author - women as old as 70-80 get raped by teenagers. I'm sure you are a decent man but you shouldn't have dragged the age factor in the discussion. You came across as condescending. That being said, maybe the lady did over react. But, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Loneliberal PK | 11 years ago | Reply Uh...I don't think this had much to do with rape fear. She was probably just a very conservative lady who didn't want to sit next to a man. It happens. Not something that I approve of, but it happens.

Sana | 11 years ago | Reply HAHAHAHAHAHA, BEST!

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