A tale of conspiracy: Why can't we handle the truth?
Raymond Davis is not an Israeli agent, the ICC isn't trying to get us - get over conspiracy theories!
Pakistanis welcome anything that rejects official explanations and prefer to adopt absurd theories.
It’s no secret: we love conspiracy theories. We love hearing about them, we love entertaining them and we love spreading them.
Perhaps it's a third world phenomenon, where we instinctively suspect our surroundings.
Or perhaps, it's just illiteracy and the fact that in our part of the world, people are easily duped into believing anything.
Take any of the following incidents as an example: whether it's piecing together Raymond Davis' actions in Lahore, suspecting entrapment of our oh-so-innocent cricketers, screaming foul when Rahat was arrested in New Delhi, and even accepting wisdom weaned from The Arrivals, our eyes see all that is shrouded with mystery and secrecy.
Raymond Davis: An Israeli spy?
Hot gossip spreads like wildfire in Pakistan. Since Davis' arrest, we have been hearing all sorts of reports. While details of his activities are still murky, our media has played a large role in unraveling all the mysteries. I recall reading a news ticker on a popular news channel claiming Raymond was an Israeli spy.
The gadgets found in Davis' possession left the door wide open for interpretation and everyone had an explanation for what he was up to. The identities of the two victims shot dead by Davis ranged from petty thieves, to ISI agents, to innocent civilians - take your pick.
Conspiracy to malign our cricketers
When Aamir, Asif and Butt were caught for spot fixing most Pakistanis sympathised with the tainted trio but many believed the allegations to be an international anti-Pakistan smear campaign: a ploy to eliminate the threat of two dangerous fast bowlers before the World Cup 2011.
More wild theories emerged. Were India and the English Cricket Board (ECB) for framing the trio? The same ECB which allowed Pakistan to play two tests and T20s against Australia on their grounds was suddenly the villain. There was even talk of ICC wanting to isolate Pakistan cricket!
No one wanted to admit that the tainted trio betrayed us.
Indian cricketers are fixing matches
I recently read an article suspecting foul play in the England vs India World Cup match and challenging the events that led to the draw.
It is astounding to see the response of readers, a fair testament to how much we love hearing and speculating anything that is outlandish. If we are going to scrutinise every cricket match, we might as well believe what former cricketer Sarfraz Nawaz has been saying for ages: every cricket match is fixed.
Poor, innocent Rahat
Mr Rahat Fateh Ali Khan believed he could sing his way past customs officials in India with his gifted vocals.
Firstly, who carries $124,000 in cash and tries to cross the border? This is illegal in just about every country in the world! Anyone who thinks that Khan is innocent and was unaware of these laws needs a reality check.
Khan probably travels to more countries around the world than 99 per cent of Pakistan's population. He knows exactly what he's doing. So he got busted and charged – it was well deserved! Did anyone bother to thank the Indians for letting him off without any jail time?
Why can’t we accept that there is no conspiracy to undermine his fame or talent?
The simple truth
Conspiracy theory documentaries claim secret governments run the world and and we must prepare for an impending battle with Satan, who derives all his energies from city skyscrapers.
Let's get real. Our birth certificates, bank accounts and accountants are not evil!