Help! Am I still in love with my ex?

I was engaged for a year. It didn't work out and now, I can't get her out of my head.

Miss Informed June 18, 2011

It has been four months since my ex-fiance and I broke up but I can't get over her. We had a good relationship and to be honest, the break-up was more from her side than mine.

Anyway, it’s been over four months now and I have had no contact with the girl, though I miss her dearly from time to time. There are things that remind me of her. At times, I wonder what she is doing, what she must be thinking, whether she is missing me too. I understand this is normal, and that time is the best healer.

There are days where I see myself actually moving forward, and there are days where it seems like I have made no progress at all.

How do I get over this?

When do I know it’s time to start another relationship?

Perhaps in my case, this has more to do with the feeling of being rejected than love.

I might come across as confused, or knowing the solution, but I want to hear what an independent, third party has to offer.


Trying to move on

Dear Trying to move on,

At least you do not wonder what she’s wearing. That would be creepy.

Coming to your problem – I will answer your questions one by one, but not particularly in the order you asked them.

First - when do you know it’s time you got into a relationship? Right now.

I really don’t think you should waste your time fantasising life with a woman when you could be with one. I have encountered many men in my life – and let me tell you, there are very few things worse than a young man wasting away his manhood in his room.

So get back on the horse, and go out and find a new girl. Because trust me, soon this one may be engaged to someone else, which will quickly materialise into a marriage followed by children and the works. If she can find all this happiness, why can’t you?

Getting over someone you love is not easy. We have all felt strongly for someone who may not have had the ability or desire to love us back - but the fact is this is not your loss: it's theirs. You spent one year engaged to this girl so you are bound to wonder about her, think about her and be curious about where she is now. With time these thoughts will grow further and further apart. It is not necessary to forget someone to get over them. You must remember the hard cold reality - you are not meant to be with her. Once you accept this you will see that life is full of possibilities.

It’s not about giving up. It’s about moving on.

Do you have a problem that you can’t solve all by your lonesome? Miss Informed is here to help! E-mail her at
Miss Informed A Karachi-based social guru who will help untangle all the complex questions life throws your way. Ask Miss Informed for advice on romance, work, family or even how to make the perfect pumpkin pie!
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