World Cup conspiracies: Bal Thackeray is an ISI agent

Cricket fans aren't known for their logic. Check out some outlandish theories about the Pakistan vs India match.

Tanzeel Ahmad March 26, 2011
Everyone is talking about arch-rivals Pakistan and India facing each other in a World Cup semi-final on Wednesday.

Here are a few golden statements that Pakistan cricket fans are making:

  1. Pakistan was given a place in the semi-final as a reward for releasing Raymond Davis.

  2. Reaching Mohali a week before the match is no good; the Pakistani players may get paid off.

  3. Indians are good at black magic - check out how their pundits throw amulets on the Mohali pitch.

  4. The Mohali pitch has been developed to assist the Indian players.

  5. Pakistanis will lose the match because they know the Indian crowd will beat the hell out of them if they win.

  6. The Indian spectators will disrupt the match if they see Pakistan winning the game.

  7. Pakistan will not lose the semi final; 180 million Pakistani Muslims, Bengalis and lots of Indian Muslims will be praying for Pakistan.

  8. RAW agents are conspiring to use Indian bookies to bring down the Pakistan team.

  9. Bal Thakeray won't do anything to the Pakistan team. He is afraid of Karachi’s ghundas.

  10. Pakistan will win the match because they don’t have sattay baaz (gamblers) on the squad.

  11. How can Pakistan win when there is no implementation of Islam in this country?

  12. Shoaib Akhtar will rip Kamran Akmal apart on the field if he drops any more catches when he is bowling.

  13. Bal Thakeray is actually an ISI double-agent. His job is to malign India’s reputation by threatening the Pakistan cricket team.

Note: This blog is satirical in nature.

For the latest World Cup updates and opinions visit The Express Tribune Cricket.
Tanzeel Ahmad A UAE based marketing professional who is interested in politics and cultural issues. He blogs at
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.


hassan | 11 years ago | Reply The truth behind the semi-final loss to India now can be told : Hillary Clinton called Gilani and told him, "Look, the Indians are pressurising us to suspend our billions to you since you are not taking action on 26/11. But, it seems there is a way out." Gilani asked, "What is that?" "Look, you have to lose the match to India in semi-finals and there will be a feel-good moment in India and they will stop harping on 26/11. And we send you the next instalment of billions. You need them for salaries next month." Gilani said ok to this, and called Afridi, who refused to lose the match, since he does not understand international politics. Then Gilani called Younis and Misbah, they being educated persons. Misbah agreed to do anything in his capacity to get the required billions for his country. So did Younis. That is why Misbah and Younis, safest of catchers, dropped catches. They did everything to help Indians to post a big total. Since Indians are pathetic players, they could not handle our bowling and they posted a low total. So, Younis and Misbah had to bat deliberately slow so that India can win. When Afridi was going great guns, it was Misbah who told Harbhajan to bowl a low full toss to Afridi, since he knew Afridi could not resist that and would give a skier and get out. India won and Gilani made Manmohan Singh happy. Manmohan Singh forgot the 26/11 issue and Hillary Clinton okayed the transfer of 100 billions immediately. And our Prime Minister organized a grand reception for the team in gratitude when they returned. Misbah and Younis too have been rewarded separately by US, supervised the Hillary Clinton herself. This is the truth and I heard this from my uncle who works in the ministry that tracks the billions of aid from US...My uncle says he was asked by US officials to get the bank account details of Misbah and Younis. He gave the details to US and now everyone is happy !!
Positive Pakistani | 11 years ago | Reply my pick of the lot... "How can Pakistan win when there is no implementation of Islam in this country?".... a big big ":D"....:D
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