Do we need finishing schools in Pakistan? YES!

Women sit with bags set neatly on top of the table, which, if you joined the course, you would know is a cardinal sin.

As a fresh high school graduate, I remember resisting my mother’s assertion on how I should join an etiquette school to keep my summers productive. If it were up to me, I would have loved to vegetate on my couch and watch all the TV shows and movies I had missed out on during examination week. I vividly recall her retorting,

“It’ll really help you conduct yourself with poise and dignity.”

I thought to myself then, as if I wasn’t already a lady? Do I really need it? What would I possibly learn more from it?

Reminiscing back to that point makes me realise how vain and naive I was. My preconceived notions of the program were tossed out the window; there was so much I was clueless about. With no real finishing school in Karachi, and the only one with a semblance to one in Islamabad, my mother enrolled me in the classes at Finesse. And my experience was truly a memorable and educational one.

Dealing with the hustle bustle in today’s age and adopting the ‘on the go’ lifestyle, one negates and often forgets certain etiquettes, our encounters and behaviours have left us casual and mundane. However, the dedicated women behind Finesse Finishing School have worked to garner and root basic etiquette principles in individuals. They emphasise on how important it is to adopt composure and grace in our everyday dealings with people. I was trained to become sensitive and alert to social cues and was given the confidence to conduct myself in a dignified manner.

I can recall how detailed and thorough the attention given to each and every woman in class was. The instructors were always present, welcoming, and accommodating to our opinions and queries. In the school, I learned how to walk with grace and confidence, how to correct my posture while sitting, walking, standing, and even talking. We were conditioned to master the art of positive body language and exemplify a positive attitude in our daily lives. I was trained to become assertive and handle difficult relationships and situations with attributes I previously lacked as an individual. Moreover, table etiquettes was a personal favourite as I was educated about the use of several types of cutlery I never knew existed! It really amazed me on how misinformed I was about certain details and etiquettes.

Table etiquettes was a personal favourite.

The course helped me explore my creative side too as it not only taught the fundamentals of cooking and baking, but introduced women to table layouts and floral arrangements. The table layout classes are often themed with international cuisines giving one a flavour of different cultures and table layout techniques. The instructors taught me how to colour coordinate and be resourceful with my hands on the service table; my decorating and aesthetic skills definitely sharpened. Preparing the table and floral arrangements was an enjoyable activity as I could express my creativity and ideas.

Preparing the table and floral arrangements was an enjoyable activity as I could express my creativity and ideas.

Furthermore, the finishing school not only emphasised on building a strong character, but also how important it is to groom our appearance and create that perfect first impression. Guest makeup artists would conduct makeup and grooming classes where girls would learn how to apply makeup and different products for skin care.

I remember learning how to dress according to one’s body type and experimenting with evening and day makeup looks. We were also introduced to the concept of maintaining a healthy lifestyle; a yoga personality would conduct power yoga classes. I appreciated these classes as they pushed my body to limits that helped me experience a sense of serenity.

Finesse is a well-rounded course that covers all bases of being a woman. This is one of the many great finishing schools in this country; and while many of us think we know best, trust me, we really don’t. With women sitting at the dining table with bags set neatly on top of the table (which, if you joined the course, you would realise is a cardinal sin in the book of etiquettes) and men putting their elbows on the table like kings (which again, is not a form of acceptable table manners), this course really is a blessing in disguise. It boosted my self-confidence and personal image to limits I hadn’t even imagined existed. Schools like Finesse are a necessary education; it goes further than just grooming a person, it even helps one realise their self-worth and strengthens their character. It teaches an individual to respect others and conform to socially accepted customs, in order to maintain peace and dignity. The teachers assist in recognising our potential, building self-acceptance and resilience. This etiquette course helps develop social skills and obtain the tools to stand apart from the crowd. It is a revival of etiquette that is well needed in today’s civilised, yet quite sloppy, society.

In our schools and colleges, there was a time in which we were offered courses like home economics that steered us in the direction of good home-making skills, but what escapes me is how we didn’t think it necessary to offer course on personal grooming and etiquette. A country that is populated by the youth that wishes to be successful, we have forgotten that for us to be successful, we don’t just need to be smart; we need to be well-spoken, have good interpersonal skills, be well groomed, are self-aware, confident, and most of all, know how to conduct ourselves when we are put in tricky situations - especially abroad!

Wouldn’t it be a shame, if as ambassadors of our country, we (boys and girls both) chose to sit in front of our guests with our legs spread wide because we think we look cool or because we think our burkha will hide us anyway? Or we smacked our lips every time we took a bite of food to eat? Or slurped our tea? Or if we decided, and this has happened one too many times, that due to us rushing it was okay to enter an office building smelling like garlic?

All I’m saying is, don’t be that person.

All photos: Faryal Leghari