Anushka Sharma is Pakistan’s mauka mauka!
Pakistan needs many, many more women like you; women who have the remarkable ability to make India lose a game.
According to Twitter, it appears that Anushka Sharma is the solitary reason behind India crashing out of the Word Cup in the semi-final.
She is also to be held accountable for her beau Virat Kohli scoring only one run and dropping a catch in the vital match against Australia. Because logically, if she hadn’t been there, Kohli would have surely gone on to score a double century and would have, obviously, taken all 10 wickets too.
It does appear that Anushka is Pakistan’s ‘mauka mauka’. Pakistan should have paid for her airfare to witness our game against India on February 15th but alas we let this mauka slip by — if only we had a little more foresight. But now that we do know, let us put this very useful woman to work and let’s hire her to be the next Chacha Pakistan, in disguise of course. From now own, Anushka must make an appearance at every game Pakistan plays against India. This is clearly the only way India can ever be defeated and the only way to ensure that Kohli is limited to just one run per inning.
Problem finally solved!
What’s that you say? Kohli has scored a century in Anushka’s presence at a game at the very same stadium? Oh, that’s of very little significance now because the time you speak of, Anushka was not a magician. She has since then acquired magical powers and is able to, just with the movement of her eyes, make a world class batsman like Kohli play a bad game.
There is no other rational explanation because a sportsman, any sportsman, cannot play a poor shot ever. In fact, I do believe Anushka was in the crowd when Sachin Tendulkar was out for a duck against Pakistan. Scrap that actually. It makes no sense. She was most definitely a spectator all 20 times that Sachin was out for a duck. Yes, of course, that’s what must have happened for sure.
Some may suggest that the Twitterati firestorm against Anushka is sexist. I, for one, totally disagree. I feel as though the people behind the onslaught are paying Anushka a very high compliment in suggesting that she can so control one of the best batsmen the world has ever seen. To be able to manage such a feat would imply that one is a very powerful and capable woman indeed, so more power to women and way to go Anushka. Pakistan, and it appears Australia, needs many, many more women like you; women who have the remarkable ability to make India lose a game.
If India won’t have you, we will gladly accept you with open arms.
Hop along the border and accept the role of Pakistan’s mauka mauka because if it isn’t you, it can’t be anything or anyone else. Duh.
This post originally appeared here.