Giving life to the Frankenstein within us

She was so busy paying attention to the mundane that she ended up losing her husband to her best friend.

Bisma Tirmizi January 05, 2015
“Contrary to popular misconception, karma has nothing to do with punishment and reward. It exists as part of our holographic universe’s binary or dualistic operating system only to teach us responsibility for our creations and all things we experience are our creations.” – Sol Luckman

She sat there thinking what she had done wrong. Her husband used to be a wonderful man, or was it that she only thought he was wonderful because she kept getting her way? She kept encouraging her own bad habits and his bad habits because it was easy, at the expense of others, for instant gratification, and to alleviate her own anxiety she did selfish things, and now her own husband had turned on her.

If only she had instead done the right thing, if only she had instead focused on doing the right thing, if only she had instead focused on doing the right thing at the right time.

Yes, she kept repeating the same in her head. She knew that her husband liked being around her, he enjoyed her company, they had a great relationship in every aspect of their marriage, but to serve her own agenda and for unnecessary reasons, she would leave him for extended period of times, and it was then that he turned to other women. And then she noticed his interest in that one particular woman.
“I’ll let it slide; because of his casual interest elsewhere he’s staying out of my business. My business maybe much less important than the reality of his interest elsewhere, and in the long run his affair may impact our marital bliss, but in this moment I’m getting my way and since I’m selfish and short sighted I’ll let it go and keep believing in the lie that this is not going to affect our marriage.”

Hence she created a personal monster, a monster that haunted her and eventually came back to seek revenge. She believed what she did was for the good of the ones around her, and so lost was she in self-love that she could not conceive the destructive results of his efforts, until it was too late.

Hers is the story of many amongst us; we do not foresee that the restorative powers of nature always correct unnatural events. Nature has a way of balancing wrong into right, if not immediately than at least eventually.

We know many narcissists who create strife and conflict in relationships (symbolising Frankenstein’s monster) that somehow eventually turn on them and cause their ruination.

Narcissists lack insight in the understanding and processing of feelings. Instead, they deny their uncomfortable feelings and run from them; with the exception of anger of course. Their inner shame must be protected and thus they avoid any vulnerable feelings. They avoid taking risks and never learn to develop true intimacy. They would rather threaten their relationship than face humiliation, embarrassment or injury to their self-esteem. They are slow to learn the all-important skills of commitment such as sympathy, understanding the intentions and motives of their partner, compassion and empathy.

Real intimacy requires the skills of dealing with conflict. After the euphoria of a new relationship wears off, each partner’s values and belief systems begin to rub against each other. At this point negotiating conflict is necessary for the relationship to continue effectively. Narcissistic people often discount the issues in a relationship and pull away from their partner. The narcissistic defences of becoming angry, shutting down, minimising and distancing keep them feeling safe in the moment.

Intimacy is always affected. When problems are never resolved, the partner becomes highly threatened and angry themselves thus weakening the relationship.

In the scenario presented in this article we understand that the monsters we create by supporting wrong and avoiding the right eventually come to haunt us. In this instance, the woman in question lost her husband to her best friend. She was so busy paying attention to the mundane, and destroying other lives purposefully that she ended up ignoring the most important aspect of her personal life – her husband.

Question: Do we create our own manipulative monsters that eventually come to haunt us?

Answer: Yes, true that is!

Sometimes we create purposeful and selfish situations that work in our interest for a while and then they reverse, creating a negative impact on us. The duality in our humanity of good and evil, and its constructive harmony at a personal level is our greatest challenge. All of us possess the rational of knowing wrong from right, yet we still indulge in investing in the negative. It’s this negative charge in us that becomes the very monster we fear. We give it life, we let it thrive and unleash it on ourselves.

The monsters we create are, in essence, an extension of our own persona; they represent the good and the evil in us, the man and the monster. We always foresee the devastation our decisions may cause in the future, but we make those decisions knowingly anyways. Sometimes we make decisions driven by the monster inside us in combination with the circumstances presented to us.

Yet, the truth is that it is us who are responsible for the making of any decision, it is us who lack the ability to say no to the monster in us, it is us who give the monster life, it is us who let it thrive, it is us who feed it and unleash it on society, and poetically it is us who eventually pay our dues to the monster when it turns on us.
Bisma Tirmizi
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

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Salma | 5 years ago | Reply | Recommend Silly silly. Please write more meaningful stuff.
Maximus Decimus Meridius | 5 years ago | Reply | Recommend Quite true. This is always an innate creation.
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