The Muslim wedding flight

Please fasten your expectations at this time and secure all your emotional baggage. Sit back and enjoy the flight.

In-flight announcement:

“Good afternoon to our two lovely passengers!

I’m delighted to welcome you aboard the Muslim Wedding Flight from parental to in-laws abode. My name is Fayaz Pasha and I’m your in-flight Service Director.

Your cabin crew (parents, relatives and friends) is here to ensure that you have an enjoyable flight. We are currently second in line for take-off and are expected to be in the wedding hall in approximately 20 minutes. We ask that you please fasten your expectations at this time and secure all your emotional baggage. Please make sure that your seats and tables are in the right position for the wedding feast. The in-flight entertainment will begin shortly after the mehndi.

Thank you for choosing to fly with us and enjoy your flight.

You have chosen to be the captain and co-pilot of this wedding flight. The flight time will be the time required until you land at your marital abode. The flight will be cruising at high altitude during the first week of your marriage at a speed of 400 smiles per hour.

Your life journey will begin after landing at the right airport. The airport we will be landing at is the Hubby’s Loving and Understanding Airport (HLUA). However, in case we experience harsh weather, you will invariably settle at the In-Laws’ International Misery Airport (IIMA). Currently, the winds are in your favour with excellent visibility, scattered clouds (as you are now in cloud nine) and the temperature is pleasant at the moment.

A majority of the passengers who have travelled with us have been demanding dowry gift vouchers along with the dual advantage of beauty and wedding feast. However, decades of suffering and research have prompted us to modify the rules and regulations, and we have therefore decided to discard the dowry gift vouchers for smooth operations of the flight.

Sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight.”

This blog originally appeared here.